The John Birch Society warned us against water fluoridation. Who knew what was really happening. Reliable sources indicate that recent political doings in the Lone Star State, make it clear that under the guise of fluoridation, the CIA was testing the long-term population effects of the accumulation of low doses of psychedelic drugs.
The experiment has now borne bizarre fruit. The first inklings came with the formation of The Republic of Texas , a group filled with folks with too much time on their hands who claim Texas never joined The United States. Then Rick Perry threatened to secede. Finally, new governor, Greg Abbott, has soothed the fevered breast of the batshit crazy wing nuts in Bastrop who are sure that special operations maneuvers in their area in Texas are a prelude to an armed invasion led by our special forces linked up with the nefarious United Nations. Abbott has ordered Texas State Guard troops to monitor US Army activity to calm those frayed nerves and assure Texans that he too has had his fair share of the spiked water. Paramilitary groups in Texas have pledged their support in this effort. Local liquor stores wait anxiously for such an effort to begin.
High-level government sources, who refuse to be named for fear of becoming inexplicable cases of suicide, indicate that the CIA, while quite proud of the result, admits that a clerical error allowed the test to continue for fifteen years, rather than 15 months. The project monitor originally responsible for the project died under mysterious circumstances. As his office was cleared, the project files were misplaced, filed under IMAP (Ideas--Mad As Pants). The error was only discovered when an intern accessed the files while searching for an update on how the CIA was reaping information from the Internet Message Access Protocol.
The plans was originally developed as a potential way of sowing mindless discord among subpopulations in hostile countries. The idea was to make members of these manipulated populations accuse their government of outrageous depredations.
For example, in Rumania, the government might be accused of breeding vampires. In Texas, the specter of someone seizing civilian firearms or Jack Daniels is the rough equivalent of such a malicious and stupid charge. However, Agency observers do note that the long time span required before a ton of folks went squirrelly implies that any later trials might use higher doses or alternative drugs with faster uptake rates.
An Agency press officer read a statement put out by the CIA in which it denies any such link saying, "We would have to be crazy as a sack of frogs to do such a thing." After ingesting two flying insects with lightning quick flicks of her tongue, the press officer ended the press conference.
Our sources indicate that beverages served at Republican political party coffee klatches in a small upper Midwestern state may be the next testing ground.