From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
My To-Do List
Check messages
Pilates
Breakfast
Read papers
Meetings
Launch probe of Baltimore PD civil rights abuses
Indict former House Speaker for banking fraud, lying to FBI
Indict FIFA underlings
Force FIFA President Sepp Blatter to resign
Lunch
Indict George W. Bush and Dick Cheney for war crimes
Meetings
Indict Wall Street banksters for destroying the economy
Home for dinner
Well…I can dream, can't I?
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Note: The Maine legislature has voted to let people up here walk around with a concealed handgun that requires no permit. After the governor signs it into law, we'll change our motto from "The Way Life Should Be" to "The Wild West of the Northeast! Yeeehaw! Blam! Blam! Blam!" Won’t that look great on our licence plates.
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9 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Take Your Dog to Work Day:
23
Days 'til the
Ogden Arts Festival in Utah:
9
Months President Obama has kept America safe so far:
77
Months President Bush kept America safe:
8
Number of smokers in China:
300 million
Value of the
first-generation Apple computer some lady dropped off at a dump in California:
$200,000
Number of first-generation desktop computers assembled by Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak and Ron Wayne in 1976:
200
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 180 (including 5 Moral Standards and 1 drought ended by the prayers of Rick Perry). Soul Protection Factor 16 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day (via Vacationland): A warm New Hampshire welcome…
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CHEERS and JEERS to dollars and sense. As we hit the middle of the week, time to check in with some recent economic headlines to find out if we should start moving our money from the hole in our back yard to the hole in our mattress:
Contents of the Kochs'
petty cash drawer.
• US manufacturing growth accelerates in May as employment rebounds
• Consumer spending stalled in April as Americans saved more
• Pay for rank-and-file workers is growing faster than pay for managers
• Economy shrinks in first quarter
• Auto makers post robust U.S. sales
• Conference Board: Consumer sentiment rises
• University of Michigan: Consumer sentiment dips
Fickle bunch, aren't we?
CHEERS to moments worth remembering:
Terrorist fist jab? (Hey, just asking.)
"Our primary season has finally come to an end... Because of you, I can say that I will be the Democratic nominee for President of the United States of America.
America, this is our moment! This is our time!"
---Barack Obama, June 3, 2008
My hangover on June 4th, 2008: a moment worth forgetting.
Hi, Mike! Hi, Josh!
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JEERS to broadcast bullshit. The Duggar family, which lectures everybody else on how to live a moral life as they hypocritically brush aside their own family's sexual deviancy (and their years-long cover-up thereof), breaks their silence on---where else?---Fox News tonight. Megyn Kelly will do the honors of
lobbing softballs as Billy Jim Ray Cooter Bob Crawdad and his obedient wife use their P.R.-consultant rehearsed talking points to make it sound like they and their 19 kids should be elevated to sainthood. The real victims, of course, are the girls (including his sisters) that son Josh Duggar molested, and it'll be interesting to see if they even show up on Megyn's radar. I'll be hosting a not-watching party with the dog and the cat in the room with lots of squeaky toys but no TV.
CHEERS to modern-day history lessons. Orin Kerr is a professor at the George Washington University School of Law. In the wake of last week's bombshell that former Clinton-era speaker Dennis Hastert---a Republican, contrary to what the Associated Press says---was being indicted for mystery extortion payments to a mystery someone, he put the whole impeachment thing in perspective:
"This town needs an enema!"
---The Joker
If I understand the history correctly, in the late 1990s, the President was impeached for lying about a sexual affair by a House of Representatives led by a man who was also then hiding a sexual affair, who was supposed to be replaced by another Congressman who stepped down when forced to reveal that he too was having a sexual affair, which led to the election of a new Speaker of the House who now has been indicted for lying about payments covering up his sexual contact with a boy.
Yikes.
Not exactly the word I'd use. But it'll do.
CHEERS to letters from the C&J mailbag. Sent via Bunsen Burner Post:
Dear Science,
How are you? I am fine.
Please stop making robotic cheetahs that can run faster than me, jump over obstacles I throw in their path, knock me down, and kill me. I believe that is a poor way for you to spend my tax dollars.
I could perhaps see the wisdom in diverting the money toward taking another crack at flubber. But killer robot cheetahs are a bridge too far. We have our hands full enough with Lindsey Graham.
Thank you and good day,
William
I dotted all the I's with tribbles. They like that.
Pastor Dan delivering a
message to Pat Robertson.
CHEERS to the Blessed Birthday Boy. Brothers and Sisters, today is [
Cue the angelic harps] Street Prophets founder and
long-time Kossack Dan "Pastor Dan" Schultz's birthday. Did you know he's the progressive genius who came up with the idea for the Netroots Nation convention (originally called "Yearly Kos")? It's true! Although he 's off working on other projects now (you can follow him
on twitter here), it's always worth noting that for a long time he was a major force in the community-building aspect of Daily Kos. Among other things, he provided a much-needed counterweight to the right-wing Christian fundamentalists by promoting his own brand of progressive spirituality---complete with cuss words. A good man to have on our side, and we always bless his camels on the off chance that he ends up being the one to punch our ticket into the hereafter. Happy birthday, Dan. Praise the Lord and pass the F-bombs.
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Ten years ago in C&J: June 3, 2005
CHEERS to Rep. John Conyers. For pointing out the retroactive lessons of Watergate:
"Back then we had an aggressive press corps. Back then we had men of courage. Back then we had a Justice Department that was willing to take an investigation wherever it would lead. Back than we had a Congress that was willing to hold real hearings and conduct real oversight of official misconduct."
That's right---things are so bad now that we remember Watergate era as the good old days.
CHEERS or JEERS to the laydown in the Lowlands. Yesterday the Dutch rejected the European Union Constitution. Hey, YOU try reading 40,000 single-spaced words stoned.
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And just one more…
Of course Casey struck
out. Mo'ne was pitching.
JEERS to the Big Whiffer. On June 3, 1888,
"Casey at the Bat" was first published in the
San Francisco Examiner. Who can forget those immortal final words…
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Mudville---mighty Casey has gotten overrun by the White Walkers and their zombie army from the north, tossed into the dungeon with Cersei Lannister and burned to a crisp by one of Daenerys Targaryen's dragons.
Oh, I almost forgot: Spoiler Alert!
Have a nice Wednesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
“Please, make Bill in Portland Maine go away!”
---John Oliver
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