Today was the last service for the minister of my Unitarian Universalist congregation. He's moving closer to his remaining family and on to a new challenge with a congregation in a more conservative community. For the next two years we'll have an Interim minister- specially trained to help congregations transition between settled ministers. In our denomination, when a minister leaves there's a multi-year period where they cannot under ordinary circumstances remain in contact with members in order for the incoming clergy to establish relationships. So I've been thinking about ending rituals. Follow me below the wadded up orange kleenex after a word from our sponsor...
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The past few weeks have been full of goodbye events. There was a potluck dinner letting everyone share memories and music while having last chats, and he received a photo book of his time with us. There was the ritual he led with our senior high youth group, in which each youth shared something they've learned from him and will remember about him, and he gave each youth the gift of a similar memory and hope for their future. There was a pizza party with the younger kids, so they could say process the leaving in ways that make sense to them.
The culmination was today's service, themed around the image of a river flowing and dividing into two streams flowing apart. At the end of this beautiful service, there was a formal Ritual of Release in which K1 was chosen to represent all the children and youth. In it, the minister asked us to forgive mistakes he may have made. Then there were the words "I am no longer your minister, you are no longer my congregation. Our paths, until now flowing together, now flow apart. Be free to call new ministers, and move forward joyfully with them." We responded acknowledging that he was no longer our minister and we were no longer his congregation. That our paths diverged, and he was released to minister to new congregations.
Most of the sanctuary was in tears. I hadn't expected to be but there I was, crying along with everyone else. But silly as a "Ritual of Release" sounds, it was necessary. Giving formal 'permission' to make room in our emotional space to allow a new minister is helpful for those who might feel 'guilty' over liking a new minister.
I returned from today's service to see a friend whose relationship with their spouse of more than a decade ended recently had posted this: "Just untied the knot of our handfasting with my partner. It was beautiful, yet completely devastating to know that it's over." As difficult as that was, it's my hope that the ritual of untying that knot helps to prepare a space whereby new relationships can blossom for each of them.
Consider the rituals both religious and secular when a loved one passes into the mysteries of death. Often, there is a wake, funeral, and/or memorial service. Friends and community members bring food to the bereaved. There are specific rituals in many religious traditions. In my experiences following the deaths in 1990 and 2001 of my father and mother, those small and large rituals were what enabled me to get through those devastating days. They were part scaffolding I could hold onto to get me from minute to minute without having to think, and part comfort reminding me that I still lived, and my community was there.
Even something as commonplace as the end of the school year often has Ending Rituals: besides graduation ceremonies, there also are step-up ceremonies to bridge the sadness of Leaving One Place with the hope of What's Next. Our congregation does a Bridging ceremony, marking the ending of a youth's involvement in the senior high youth group at the conclusion of high school. It's a powerful ritual, one which I'm already stocking up on kleenex for next year.
I can think of several others, but I'm opening the floor to all of you. Any Ending Rituals you'd like to share with us?
I wouldn't call this paragraph whereby we transition from the diary to the Tops as an Ending, but I do know it's important! My partner in collaboration is also important, because without BeninSC this would be decidedly less fun!
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Tonight's comment 'flags:'
Flagged by chaboard, this comment by indycam is in the DO NOT MISS category!
Flagged by Armando (yes, THAT Armando!), this comment by lordcropper makes great points about how there are no neutral observers when it comes to race.
Flagged by prwsag52, this comment by VirginiaJeff celebrates the great diversity in our community.
Flagged by gnothis, this fine comment by kovie rips mainstream media for giving cover to racists under the pretext of editorial balance and fairness.
From paradise50:
This comment from doby gillis (sic) is a fine rant, with a marvelous call to action for the irresponsible Republican administration of the state of South Carolina!
From belinda ridgewood:
There are a lot of touching stories at dbug's late-night diary Friendly Church Grandmas, about the important role of people like the Charleston victims in creating a warm and supportive community. Really, the whole thread is worth your time, but ruleoflaw tells one that especially spoke to me.
From Yours Truly, brillig:
From Armando's stellar diary On race, there are no neutral observers comes this brilliant comment on responsible journalism by Meteor Blades.
Top Mojo for Saturday, June 20, 2015, first comments and tip jars excluded. Thank you
mik for the mojo magic! For those of you interested in How Top Mojo Works, please see his diary
FAQing Top Mojo.
1) That's a flag of hate and a flag of treason. by elwior +198
2) Your diary would make a great LTE. by jayden +158
3) It took me a whole year to decide to do this, but by Angie in WA State +133
4) Good idea by RationalSouthCarolina +123
5) Probably the most honest thing about her: by CwV +115
6) Best wishes! Nt by a2nite +109
7) These GOP candidates need to face reality by icebergslim +106
7) Heartbreaking by gchaucer2 +106
7) This district goes every six to ten years from by Angie in WA State +106
10) Terrorist and racist. Killed 9 Americans. by TomP +99
11) The Confederate Flag Must Go by JekyllnHyde +91
12) His claims to being superior based by TomP +87
13) This sounds promising by anastasia p +80
14) Outstanding! by Dallasdoc +78
15) The Dixie Swastika. n/t by FarWestGirl +74
16) Technical Point: At 300+ words It's Around by Gooserock +72
17) Thank you for this! Just told my husband that by Little Lulu +71
18) Yes and no by freelunch +65
18) It also shows how those who whitewash by TomP +65
20) Do you think that it is possible... by LeviRast +63
21) He doesn't try this crap here anymore by Jake formerly of the LP +62
22) Yeah i cut the crap out of it by RationalSouthCarolina +61
23) Hey Jeb! can you call it an act of racial terror by We Shall Overcome +60
23) As a veteran of two Armed Forces, I agree by feather fall +60
25) CRIPES That Should Be Block Quoted So People by Gooserock +59
25) Highly suspect by Publius2008 +59
27) I was so impressed by the grace shown by by blue jersey mom +58
28) there was no crap! by mnguitar +57
28) Hahahahahahahahaha!!!! by RationalSouthCarolina +57
30) Aw man, who knew 'welfare queens' included by GoGoGoEverton +56
30) I worked for a doctor who was by weezilgirl +56
30) Link below by icebergslim +56
2015-06-20 Top Comments with Pictures, courtesy of
jotter!