Unless you've been hiding under a rock today, you already know that there's some major news on the U.S. health care front. Tonight's Top Comments can be treated as an open thread (not that TC isn't usually open). Summarize your thoughts on the ACA, the Supremes, DK5, or anything else that strikes your fancy. In the meantime, I will transcribe as accurately as possible, a recent conversation with my doctor.
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If your health care plan pays for orange croissants, please help yourself to one below. Otherwise, cash, credit/debit, or money orders are accepted. No personal checks please.
Me: Hello Doc. Thanks for seeing me today. I have a few questions if you don't mind. Most of these are things that I've been told to ask you.
Doc: I'm listening.
Me: Have I been to a region where certain fungal infections are common?
Doc: Which fungal infections?
Me: You know, certain ones.
Doc: Well I don't know, and I have no idea where you've travelled to. What do I look like, your travel agent?
Me: Sorry.
Me: Next question. Is my heart healthy enough for sex?
Doc: Didn't I send you to a cardiologist last year?
Me: I'm supposed to be asking the questions here. Anyway, yes you did. He said my heart is fine.
Doc: That's great. So why are you asking me now?
Me: I like to keep current. And to find out. If Viagra. Is right. For me.
Doc: Are you having problems with erectile dysfunction?
Me: Why do you keep answering my questions with more questions?
Doc: Sorry, I'm just trying to ...
Me: Look, if I find myself with an erection lasting more than 4 hours, I'm doing what David Letterman does, I'm calling hookers.
Doc: I think that was just a joke. Besides, he doesn't do that any more.
Me: Doesn't do ... we're supposed to be talking about me.
Doc: You brought it up.
Me: Is my prostate enlarged?
Doc: Don't you remember on your last physical I stuck my finger up your butt?
Me: Yeah. That was cool.
Doc: I was checking your prostate.
Me: I thought you were just being friendly. Anyway, you seemed to be happy with that too. Now can we talk about my vaginal itching?
Doc: You don't even have a vaginal.
Me: Oh sure, you can say that because you're a doctor. By the way, how can Zocor protect me?
Doc: From what?
Me: Just answer the question.
Doc: It can't. You're beyond help. You watch too much television.
Me: Yeah, right. Thanks, Doc.
Doc: That will be $495 for the consultation. See the cashier on your way out.
TOP COMMENTS
June 25, 2015
Thanks to tonight's Top Comments contributors! Let us hear from YOU
when you find that proficient comment.
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