Sealed in plastic, for your protection...
With all of the recent historic events in the news, it's time to take a break and ponder one of those
First World Problems that comes up every so often. There above you see a picture of ground beef all set to go - just the thing for a nice, juicy,
artery-clogging,
planet-destroying meal. The hamburger (
which does not actually contain ham) has, in some ways, become an iconic American staple. The hamburger has been the cornerstone of the fast food industry for decades; one of the markers of American dietetic hegemony has been the spread of
Golden Arches around the world.
There is a question however. Is a hamburger experience really complete without that product of coevolution, the hamburger bun? How can a hamburger be loaded with all the toppings, bottomings, and other incidentalia without a bread-like package around it? This is the dilemma I faced recently, when all I had to work with is the rolls intended for that other American staple, the hot dog.
I was looking for a bun, but I think I got rolled...
Never fear, I came up with a work-around. Follow me past the
Orange Omnilepticon for more.
There's a saying that form should follow function. The function, in this case, is to take raw hamburger and put it into a format suitable for cooking and serving. Normally, this involves forming it into patties, circular disks of varying thickness and width depending on A) how much hamburger you want to end up with after cooking, and B) just how hungry you are. And - it has to be of a size compatible with the hamburger buns you have available. Which, as I pointed out above, I did not.
So, I decided to adapt, improvise, and overcome by shaping ground beef not into a traditional hamburger shape, but instead into something I'm calling (for want of a better name) burger dogs. I found with care, it's possible to shape ground beef into a cylindrical shape which should be compatible with hot dog rolls.
Behold the burger dog! Here's two prototypes still in the raw state.
The initial shaping process is a bit more difficult than forming a patty - but not all that much more. The next challenge was actually trying to cook one - and how to do it? I decided to make my first attempt using a backyard propane grill, as that's for many the cooking method of choice.
The burger dog is introduced to heat. (Don't worry - that nasty looking grill has already been heat sterilized.)
There's a trick to cooking a burger dog. While a traditional patty can be flipped with a spatula, the burger dog in its initial raw state will break apart if not handled carefully. The secret is to let it cook long enough for the outer surface to undergo those
chemical reactions driven by heat which help bond it together as well as creating the compounds which contribute so much to flavor. Once the outer surface of the burger dog begins to cook, it's possible to carefully ease a spatula under it and separate it from the cooking surface - a grill in this case - to roll the uncooked sides to the heat. You don't flip it -
you roll it!
The magic of flame does its work.
With judicious rolling, it's possible to get the burger dog evenly cooked all the way around - and inside as well. Shrinkage is unavoidable in cooking - but it seems a reasonable amount here. See below for a comparison of before and after, and how the burger dog fits in a hot dog roll.
It fits! Now to cook the second one...
I decided to cook the second prototype burger dog by an alternative method - frying it in a pan. As with the grilling method, it's necessary to get the cooking started on the outer surface before attempting to roll it, but once it has started to brown, you should be good to go.
From the fire, to the frying pan
Rolling right along, looks a bit like an Italian sausage, doesn't it?
I'm not going to pretend I have all the answers here. My initial goal was to come up with a burger format compatible with a hot dog roll, and I succeeded. There are some differences that can't be overcome. A traditional hamburger ensconced within a bun can be the foundation of a whole stack of toppings; the hot dog roll format doesn't allow for that. Instead, toppings like ketchup, mustard, onions, cheese, etc. basically get applied on top of the burger dog - roll assembly. You can't do a cheese burger in quite the same way with a burger dog, though you can probably come up with something comparable. And who knows? You might come up with something unique.
The flavor, based on the preliminary experiments, didn't seem to be quite like a traditional burger. I'm speculating here, but I think the difference may be the cylindrical shape of the burger dog. It has less surface area than a burger patty, which means less surface area for all of those heat-related chemical reactions that add so much to the flavor. This is an area that deserves further investigation. If you're going to be cooking burgers any time soon, and happen to have hot dog rolls handy, why not try a burger dog or two just to see? Surprise family and friends at the next cook out - if nothing else, they'll pay more attention to what they're eating. And who knows what toppings you might try slathering on?
Now, if it was possible to obtain a mega-hot dog about as big around as a hamburger patty, one could slice off patty-sized hot dogs for cooking up and serving on hamburger buns. That may be a bridge too far, but you never know.
Bon appetit!
The burger dog. Temporary expediency? A viable alternative? A culinary dead end? You decide! Hmm. Looks a little naked there. May a few strips of bacon, some nacho cheese....