I. Counts One Thru One Hundred Billion: MURDER.
1. There have been a total of one hundred and seven billion human beings on Earth since the arrival of Homo sapiens as a species approximately 50,000 years ago. Of that total, Defendant has willfully and intentionally murdered, with malice aforethought, one hundred billion of them in violation of Title 18, United States Code, Section 1111.
II. Counts One Hundred Billion and One to One Hundred and Seven Billion,
Two hundred Million: ATTEMPTED MURDER.
2. During the course of the next seventy-five years, defendant will attempt to murder 7.2 billion people in violation of Title 18, United States Code, § 1113. Defendant will be the proximate and legal cause, with malice aforethought, of the murders of over 7.2 billion people. Every day defendant attempts and succeeds in killing thousands of these individuals, and, for the remainder, defendant will attempt to murder them, daily, for the next 70+ years until they are dead.
III. Counts One Hundred and Seven Billion and One to Three Hundred Billion: RAPE.
3. Since the dawn of humankind, Defendant God, claiming to be all-knowing and all-powerful, has therefore knowingly and willingly been the proximate and legal cause of nearly two hundred billion counts of rape, allowing His creatures, using force or threat, to commit unwanted sexual acts upon other of God's creations, all in violation of Title 10 U.S.C. § 920.
IV. Counts Three Hundred Billion and One to Three Hundred Billion and Four:
MURDER, INFLICTION OF INHUMAN CRUELTY, PAIN AND SUFFERING.
4. Paul H. Smith was a dairy farmer. He is alleged to have been one of the nicest gentlemen you would ever have met. He was married to his wife for over sixty years, and although his pockets were never full, his heart was. It is further alleged that the victim's smile was broad, and that he was guileless, innocent, generous and enthusiastic and lived until reaching well into his 90s. During those last five years, though, Defendant God, in His infinite wisdom, granted to Paul H. Smith the cruelest and most inhuman punishment imaginable, causing the victim unbounded pain and suffering. It is alleged that Paul H. Smith's wife--the love of his life--died years before he did. Thereafter, Paul H. Smith developed Alzheimer's Disease. The last five years of this gentle man's life was spent reliving the knowledge that the love of his life was dead, as it struck him anew every twenty or thirty minutes, and then God murdered him, all in violation of Title 18, United States Code, Section 111 et seq.
V. Counts Three Hundred Billion and Four to One trillion²³: ASSAULT/BATTERY.
5. It is alleged that of the 107 billion humans ever alive since the dawn of humankind, each has suffered from some form of assault or battery intentionally and willingingly inflicted upon him or her by Defendant, countless times, usually daily, throughout the spans of their lives, including cuts, broken bones, bruises, diseases, insect and animal bites, parasites and other assaults and/or batteries. As one example, it is alleged that in 2015 there will be an estimated 1,658,370 new cancer cases diagnosed in the United States alone. In 2015, there will be an estimated 60,290 new cases of breast carcinoma in situ diagnosed. It is further alleged that over millenia, men and women were forced to develop nerves, nerve endings and brains just to detect and protect themselves from the constant physical harm caused by Defendant, all in violation of Title 18, United States Code, Section 114(a)-(b).
VI. Counts One trillion²³ to One trillion²³ and 32 Billion: SLAVERY/KIDNAPPING.
6. It is alleged that Defendant God, claiming to be all-knowing and all-powerful, has therefore knowingly and willingly been the proximate and legal cause of at least 32 billion acts of Slavery and/or Kidnapping; some acts of Kidnapping or False Imprisonment only lasted a few hours or days, but billions of acts of Slavery lasted a lifetime. Some of the victims were born into and died from Slavery, all in violation of Title 21, United States Code, Section 13(b).
VII. Counts One Trillion²³ and 32 Billion and One to One Hundred Trillion¹³³º²ººººº: CRUELTY TO ANIMALS.
7. It is alleged that Defendant God has committed, both knowingly and willingly, cruelty to animals in violation of Title 18, United States Code, Section 48 or, in the alternative, violations of the Animal Welfare Act of 1966, as defendant has murdered, abused and/or injured all non-humanoid animals, insects and single-celled organisms ever to have inhabited this planet.
VIII. Counts One Hundred Trillion¹³³º²ººººº and One to One hundred
trillion²³³º²ºººººººººººººººº: CONSPIRACY.
In addition to the offenses contained in this indictment, Defendant is alleged to have commited the crime of conspiracy to commit each of the offenses and others, including, but not limited to murder, attempted murder, rape, solicitation of child pornography, child pornography, cruelty to animals, infliction of inhuman cruelty, pain and suffering, slavery, false imprisonment, money laundering, battery, assault, pollution &tc., all in violation of Title 18, United States Code, Section 371. It is further alleged that Defendant knowingly and/or recklessly and/or willfully unleashed SIN upon the world, causing Defendant God to act in concert with every evil-doer who has done every evil thing on the planet.
IX. BOND, PUNISHMENT AND PRAYER FOR RELIEF.
WHEREFORE, PREMISES CONSIDERED, the People of Earth pray for the following:
(A) Defendant God be summoned and held without Bond;
(B) Defendant God be tried for the crimes contained herein and in any supplemental or amended Indictment; and
(C) Plaintiff hereby WAIVES the death penalty because, unlike Defendant God, Plaintiff doesn't believe in it. However, Plaintiff requests the Court to ORDER Defendant God to release the minds He is wasting, and that Defendant God admit, in open court, the truth told long ago by Euripides: "If gods do evil then they are not gods."
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