If you're anything like me, you probably have those relatives that forward you crazy right wi g emails and spout off ridiculous theories about The President and his agenda. I had a lot of trouble understanding this behavior until I stumbled across the diary entry from my Uncle. It explained a lot.
Diary of a Tea Partier
7:15 AM Wake up with a slight hangover from the 14 PBRs I drank last night arguing with FreedumLiberty1776 on Free Republic last night. He actually thinks that Obama is Islamic when he is obviously a Muslim. Fuckin’ pinko
7:26 AM Shower and bitter masturbation session to Sarah Palin audio book.
7:44 AM Log onto computer and forward emails to nieces and nephews. When will these Sheeple wake up to what is WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY?!?! WHY DON’T THEY LISTEN TO ME?!? ESPECIALLY WHEN I USE ALL CAPS?!?!?
8:01 AM Sit on porch and yell at kids headed to school. Bunch of pinko, gay loving teachers down there anyhow.
8:24 AM Spend the next half hour Google searching “Benghazi cover up”, “Obama anti-christ”, “How to treat Erectile Dysfunction without insurance” and “Anne Coulter nude”.
8:57 AM Almost time for Glenn Beck!!
11:54 AM Glenn is nearly done, and it’s sad that it’s almost over, but … almost time for Rush! Pull up pictures of Sandra Fluke and bitterly masturbate again.
12 PM-3 PM Rush Time!! Let the sweet subsidized corn syrup of America slop all over my pasty white body!!
3:04 PM Try and masturbate again. Nothin’. Can’t even get it going with a Tom Clancy novel and Grindr profile pictures. Not that I’m some homo. I just like to pretend I am sometimes. You know how it is.
3:45 PM Off to the gun range. Have my AK, Glock, S&W .357, Browning 9mm, Colt Python and AR15 with me. Just a light session today.
5:15 PM Out for a bite with the boys at Chik-fil-a. Order an extra large soda just to really piss off the Lie-brals.
6:10 PM Check protective hat for any flaws. Patch small tears with new roll of tin foil. You can never be too careful.
6:31 PM Rewatch all my favorite scenes from 24. Most of them involve what the Lame Stream Media calls torture but what I prefer to call Freedom Tickles. This could take a while.
8:00 PM Bill O is in the hizzy!! No Spin here!! Take that Lie-brals!!
9:02 PM Bill was on the money tonight boy. That black kid was definitely threatening those cops with his Nerf gun. How are we supposed to feel safe if we just let them walk around whit … I mean, law abiding neighborhoods? Time to log into Free Republic and talk about my day!!