Mothers of Lost Children at the Whitehouse
These are the times that try a man’s soul. Thomas Paine 1776
Are you having a hard time getting in the Patriotic Spirit?
I get it. When I was a little girl I loved the fireworks and the star spangle banner. I would sing beautifully….”America, America g-d shed your grace on thee.” I loved the feeling it gave me. My dad got a job in Washington DC during the Bi-Centennial year it was 1976 and Washington was ablaze with the glory and the pomp and circumstance; the parades and the ceremonies such that it filled you up with pride and your heart warmed for the honor of being in this great land. It was a year to remember. We were so lucky, my dad worked for the Ford Administration, when HEW was still going…Health Education and Welfare, its broken up now into different departments, now mainly known as Health and Human Services. He wrote speeches and other stuff I had no idea about, I was 10. The great part was we got special passes to events, tours of the White house, and with the new Smithsonian I couldn’t have felt any happier.
It was my 6th grade year, I was a new kid from California. The teacher was mean at first, strict and hard on me. The math was different and the way they did things was so foreign, it took me a while to fit in, I missed my friends. By the winter and the first snow, I was hooked. I loved it. I got to experience a Snow day! Our school was snowed in so we made sleds and sailed head long into big berms of snow that used to be our play yard. With all the schools in the area we participated in the Bi-Centennial Plays about the events of 1776, I played Thomas Paine, He had a grand vision for society: he was staunchly anti-slavery, and he was one of the first to advocate for a world peace organization and social security for the poor and elderly, a perfect part. My favorite quote - "My Country is the world and my religion is to do good".
There were lots of field trips. My most memorable one is the day we went to Congress. We toured the capital bldg at the eastern end of the capitol mall. I was chosen to sit in the Speakers Chair in the House of Representatives! The reporter from the Washington Post took my picture and the story read “making history -the first woman to sit in the Speakers Chair”, what an honor. I was asked many priceless questions about how I would make this country great, and like many children I dreamed of being president one day.
It's funny to reminisce about this city that stands as a monument to freedom as we continue to pursue its ideal.
The craziest thing is as an adult I would begin visiting D.C. regularly beginning on Mother’s day 2010. In 2013 I attended the Pan Pacific Caucus in Washington D.C. as I was lobbying for Mothers of Lost Children, and Nancy Pelosi was the key note speaker. As she introduced Judy Chui and exited the stage, I flew across a row of guests to meet her at the aisle to shake her hand. I shook the hand of the woman who’s job was Speaker of the house! I handed her my card "VOTE LIKE A MOTHER!" With a quick plug for the Moms, I stood up as often as possible trying to get the shirt on camera, a total camera hog (you have to know I hate getting my picture taken its all about the kids). What a day. Funny, I live in the same town, shop at the same stores and know her family. But this was such an honor and one day I pray she will meet with me to learn why I come to Washington D.C. each year on Mother’s Day.
It’s like a million years since then, 3 babies and lots of fireworks under my belt I just don’t feel the same sense of pride and joy as I did when I was a kid. This country has strayed so far from the ideals of democracy. A country that punishes whistle-blowers’, that has been whittling away at voters rights and has failed to pass the Equal Rights Amendment. The racism and patriarchy, we might as well live in a third world nation since we have the same problems at least they can be honest about the issues of poverty and inequality, not hide behind patriotism. Don’t get me wrong I’m happy this month we moved into a time when all people in the US can marry and are free to love. We are starting to catch up with the consciousness and intellect of a free society and other first world nations. But really, we strayed so far from the concept of democracy, many call this country a kleptocracy, being run by elite wealthy few and steered by corporate greed. We passed a bill making corporations people when women have still have not been granted this right. This right to equality where our human rights are protected. The rights of Americans after 911 have increasing been eroded, privacy issues, law enforcement that looks more military than community peace keepers, the bigotry and brutality is overwhelming. Americans turning on Americans. Our government has gotten more rigid, bigger and fatter.
One area that concerns me so much is the erosion of parental rights, the term 'Best Interest' doesn't mean what you think it does, in fine print it’s the best interest of the state. Now we have forced vaccinations in California, the medical kidnappings of our children, foster care is growing daily and juvenile jails are busting at the seams. Our juvenile authority is full of children who have experienced loss and trauma and instead of helping them we are locking them up. We moved from an industrial nation to one of incarceration. Have you heard of Kid’s for Cash. Judges making money off of children they are sentencing. There are huge incentives for our courts to violate the rights of their citizens as it brings funding into the state and the county and everyone wins. The mass incarceration of black and brown people and the largest growing population is women. Women have been forced to sterilize, Poor women with poorer representation. Many are victims of Domestic Violence and survivors of childhood trauma and sexual assault who’s rights have been violated.
I have a friend, Elsa Newman an innocent mother that as a result of proprietorial misconduct sits in a Maryland Jail for 13 years! Mr President Elsa needs Clemency! and other Mothers who are falsely accused to separate them from their children. The US leads the world in many things death by gun violence, child trafficking through state services, we lead in the distribution and production of child pornography and rape images according to protect.org. This is a country where crime pays and we reward the bully.
At 50 years of age, I cannot believe this is America, my America. I was born in 1964 the civil rights movement. I have seen the glory of the dream of liberty, a black president and his beautiful family in the White house and I have seen the darkness. They are burning churches in the south and waving that flag again. Has it been a façade and only now my eyes are open. And I dare to point out that the Emperor wears no pants! Shall I be called unpatriotic when we I protest the war, and pray with the women in black. We voting and tax paying citizens have built up a nation that hardly resembles the ideals I dreamed of. At 50 years of age a Jewish Mexican woman and mother of 3, I learned that felons have more rights than I do. During a divorce I learned that I was not entitled to the 14th amendment the right to due process, or equal representation. I learned I didn’t have the right to my religion, my culture, the education I chose for my child, or medical beliefs. I learned that in civil court proceedings if you cannot afford an attorney, you must go it alone and believe me, that’s not good. In a Domestic Violence Divorces you could face years of what people call scorched earth litigation and court ordered abuse. As I was driven into the ground while trying to protect my right to parent and my child’s human rights, I learned that as a woman in America in 2015 I had no more right to the child I gave birth to than a women from the 1800’s.
I learned that my child was considered property and I did not have an equal right to her as her primary attached parent then her father. I learned that fathers lobbying groups have built up funding that have created the kind of entitlement funds where ex cons who beat their wives and children can upon parole get custody of the child and seek child support…no kidding. My abusive ex husband now has custody, I am not entitled to even see my child and half my wages go to him in child support. I make $12 dollars an hour paid to the perpetrator who makes $250,000 a year as a financial consultant. That's Justice in America - Justice is green isn’t that what Johnny Cochran said. While it is a well known fact that aggressive divorce litigation is an abuser’s primary tactic, with no access to legal services to protect yourself or your children if they are being abused, the courts in the US ignore the danger. It's a recipe for disaster.
It’s one of those damned if you do damned if you don’t. In 48 states you can be charged with failure to protect if you stay or go, and you can lose custody of a child of DV in family courts to Rapists and wealthy entitled men who want to punish you for telling and save themselves the child support obligation. Divorce is big business and everyone wins accept the safe non-offending mommy and child. This is a widespread issue affecting domestic violence survivors across the country. In seven states, including Oklahoma, a mother could serve life in prison for "failing to protect" her child from domestic abuse, but on average a male abuser who kills his partner can expect to spend just two to six years in prison. http://www.buzzfeed.com/alexcampbell/this-battered-woman-wants-to-get-out-of-prison#.ktR4kq6bp It is literally Damned if you do, damned if you don't. In the film What does't kill you, producer Rachel Meyrick captures the issues that face Domestic Violence Victims trying to flee abuse and protect their kids. She addresses the issue that so few of us can fathom; That US Judges are more likely to give custody to abusive father than protective mother. She asks: Domestic violence: to stay or to go? Why do US courts favour the abusive father in custody cases? https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/what-doesn-t-kill-me-documentary-feature-film Some mothers are forced to flee the USA to protect their children.
In the film No Way Out But One, Holly Collins a mother from Minnasota seeks asylum in the Netherlands to protect her children from further abuse. A very recent case of a child called ‘Ruby” is also playing out in the international arena. Despite expert opinion warning against it, The Hague upheld US custody rulings and sent "Ruby" now aged 10 or 11 to live with her father who she says has been sexually abusing her since age 5 http://www.commdiginews.com/family-today/international-custody-quagmire-court-sends-girl-to-father-she-fears-42513/ This country is punishing mothers with gag orders and jail for trying to protect their children!!!! If this isn't a war on women and children that what is it? In Civil Courts Women's Civil Rights are routinely violated as mothers are controlled and 'Subjugated' by holding their children Hostage. These issues are as much a Civil Rights Issues, Gender Justice and a war on poverty. By keeping women impoverished its harder to fight back against the terrorism of abuse of the state in Medical Kidnappings, Cash for Kids or Court Ordered Abuse and DV by proxy. Women who make less money than men in more than 90% of the jobs in the US are paying a high price for their gender. We pay a pink tax every time we buy products designed for women. Where’s our pink tax break for being the bearers of the human race!
The US ranks 35 on the scale of worst countries to be a mother! Oh, I believe it. The maternal/infant mortality rate is shocking! Did you know that 31 states allow the rapist to get custody of the child they fathered? Women literally have no right to their bodies. The Republican Party has seen fit to make birth control difficult and reproductive rights out of reach. Now 50 years of age, for the first time I really got the suffering. I have been driven into homelessness fighting for my elusive American rights. While he was never been held accountable for his crimes against me or the children nor would he be held accountable for the ongoing terrorism. If he were a stranger stalking me and abusing the children he would be in jail, instead he has custody of a child who reported abuse.
I lost my life, my liberty my freedom. I’m not alone; I have met women from across the country who are suffering. We are protesting and praying like the women who came before us. It’s just so hard to fathom. The only time I had rights was as a married woman. This is what women do not understand until you are divorced from justice. White women, black, and brown we are all the same. This is an intersectional issue. The mens/fathers rights movement which began ramping up 50 years ago at the same time that woman began divorcing dangerous men. The 50 Billion dollars in fatherhood funding is nothing compared to an industry that is predicated on acquiring power and control over women.
In California 42 Million dollars was allocated this year from a DOJ grant, Second Chance program. This program is specifically earmarked for fathers ‘exiting prison’. I want my Second Chance! I want my motherhood.gov! These family courts are like the chattel courts we learned about from the history books. Data shows an increased frequency of mothers who protest custody for issues of abuse, even substantiated cases of sexual assault, are more likely to lose custody than those who choose not to report. The Judges Association reports that more that 70% of batterers and molesters are awarded custody over non-offending safe mothers. As Caroline Bréhat reports in “The war of the american Justice system against mothers” Women are branded Pathological for reporting and punished for the transgression of speaking out against the father.
“In the American courts, the prevalent culture is one of systematic suspicion of the mother’s discourse when she denounces paternal violence—in particular sexual violence.
This is a well organized system : as soon as the mother reveals paternal violence, the opposite side, the father and his lawyer brandish the PAS, and automatically, the accusations are reversed against the mother, who is branded « alienating » (pathologic) and can be punished by the transfer of legal and physical custody of the child to the abusive parent.
This is why many mothers can no longer see their child, except in the context of paid supervised visitations (the fees for these visits are very high in the US). Consequently, these mothers have been made totally powerless and have to watch the degradation of their child without being able to do anything about it. Some mothers are ordered by the court to comply with an order of protection of the child under a penalty of imprisonment.”
Dr. Leora Rosen followed up the well distributed book Hostage Child by Leora N. Rosen and Michelle Etlin , with Beyond the Hostage Child: Towards Empowering Protective Parents stating only change over the past 30 years has been the increased sophistication and efficiency of the mechanisms developed by family courts to punish protective mothers.
Good mothers are punished for reporting these crimes and their children are silenced by withholding contact. When Phyllis Chesler began her descent into the family court abyss more than 40 years after publishing Mothers on Trial. Little has changed for the protective mother seeking safety and THE HEROIC MOTHERS OF LOST CHILDREN.
What has changed? Mothers are speaking out. Mothers from across the nation are sharing the accounts of these injustices in numbers too big to ignore, they have come out of the shadows and demanding to be heard. It is remarkable; from California to Maine their names are interchangeable but their stories remain the same. “It starts with Domestic Violence, coercive control, control over the finances, and concern for the children. When a woman leaves a dangerous relationship this is when the risk increases of fatal interactions and issues of power and control. The events escalate with the use of family court proceedings where the abusive partner uses the family court proceeding to increase the frequency of contact, for the purpose of harassment and stalking through the courts, its referred to as DV by proxy. With scorched earth litigation these court events cause emotional damage and financial and legal abuse. The intention is to undermine the other litigant less likely to be able to go the distance. Court proceedings are both expensive and emotionally draining. With 70% of the pro se litigants (self representing) in these cases being women, it is not likely that they will retain custody as a result of this unequal representation.”
Mothers are petitioning congress, with initiatives, knocking on doors and going to the UN to be heard on issues of Human Rights Violations in state courts.
“These events are like terrorist attacks, they are Cruel & Unusual Punishment - Hate Crimes with a Gender Bias and human rights violations. Maternal Alienation is the Ultimate Hate Crime. Forcibly taking a mother's children, and then controlling her emotionally by withholding contact must be publicly recognized as one of the greatest forms of 'mis-use' of the American justice system and one of the greatest hidden vehicles for wide-spread socially approved physical and emotional abuse and control.” Coral Anika Theill
Keith Harmon Snow documented the case of mothers Sunny Kelly and Lori Handrahan in an expose on family courts in the Conscious Being Advocate, and later published in a well documented book: The Worst Interests of the Child: The Trafficking of Children and Parents Through U.S. Family Courts. “Despite solid documentation of judicial corruption, cronyism, state social service agency abuse, misconduct or dismissal by police, and massive profiteering by officials who are preying on families and children, even the Federal Bureau of Investigation is mute. Just when Sunny and Lori thought it couldn’t get worse, it did.”
When I meet Nancy Pelosi, I want to tell her about the Women I have met who have stood outside the Whitehouse, walked the halls of congress and learned to navigate the Hill, These women have traveled far to share their unforgettable and heartbreaking stories of pain and torture. Holding back tears, we have met with hundreds of staffers, held briefings and taken lots of pictures with Barbara Boxer, Ted Poe, Congressman John Conyers, and many more. I had to track my congressman down in Washington since he wouldn't meet with me in Napa. I feel the same tingly feeling as when I was a kid a sense of patriotism, the kind that true heroes are made of. The whistleblowers’ and the advocates, the DonQuiote’s who are battling windmills everyday to make this country into the dream they believe in.
There are so many Patriotic Mothers these days; Mom’s Rising, Mom’s Demand, Justice for Mother’s, Code Pink, MADD, Mom’s Fight Back. They make up the grassroots movement in this country that are responsible for keeping an eye on Washington and demanding change. Many people have forgotten it’s our duty as citizens, as mothers to do so. Did you know that Mother’s day was not about being appreciated? It was a call to end the war — stop sending our children to an unjust war. They call us rebels, talk about us like we are zealots, uppity women, I don’t care we are citizens of the United States, we hold our signs and demand to be heard and seen.
One of my favorite quotes "A victim's first scream is for help; a victim's second scream is for justice." by Coral Anika Theill an author, advocate and mother from Oregon. Coral asks, What is freedom for a battered woman? What is safety? and when will women be emancipated?
If you want to revive that sense of patriotism, Join us in fighting for Human Rights in America. Grab a sign and fight for something you believe in. I love the song America the Beautiful....my favorite line "and crown thy good with a Sisterhood, from sea the shining sea!" Warrior Mamas working together to change this - our children deserve better! I vote like a patriotic Mother!
Join the mothers who stand in the shadows of the great women who came before us demanding a seat at the table, the right to vote and to stop sending our children to war. There were two things those brave women were not able to achieve, protection for themselves and their children. The baton has been passed and We are back! and we are demanding equality, demanding protection for ourselves and our children. Pass the ERA, order Federal oversight hearings on Child abuse and child custody, and make the safety of our children this nation’s highest priority. It’s time to demand Gender Justice and Equality! I want my Motherhood.gov! Mothers of Lost Children https://www.facebook.com/mothersoflostchildren.org?fref=nf