Just making a soda run.
It begins. The geographically sweeping but otherwise banal military training exercise known as
Jade Helm 15 is upon us, bringing special forces troops to Texas and other states where they will ... train. And a collection of the most unambiguously
dimwitted,
paranoid and generally
pudding-brained people in America are rousing themselves off their sofas to make sure those troops, many of whom are based in Texas to begin with,
don't take over the state or anything.
A counter-surveillance operation called Counter Jade Helm has been set up and volunteers are aiming to locate, track and observe US soldiers as they carry out training drills. The volunteers will gather intelligence that will be relayed to a headquarters in Arizona and posted on a website.
“Why [Jade Helm] exists, we’re not quite certain,” said Eric Johnston, who will run surveillance teams in central Texas. Counter Jade Helm also plans missions in California, Utah, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, Louisiana, Mississippi and Florida.
So if our brave American forces
do take over Texas, these guys will post it on their website. Take
that, carefully laid military plans. And this doesn't include the monitoring that Texas Gov. Greg Abbott has directed the Texas Military to undertake. They'll be observing the hell out of those troops.
Of special concern is the announcement that the media will not be invited to attend/film the exercises and report back to us. You might consider this an entirely reasonable restriction, given that the exercises are intended to hone behind-lines special forces techniques and the military is probably not especially keen on giving the groups they may be facing a play-by-play of newest tactics. Or you could presume it's all part of the nefarious plot.
“They’re not inviting any media to embed with the units,” said Johnston, “and it’s important for Americans to step up and look around and say, ‘OK, what are you doing?’ ‘Well, it’s secret.’ Not if it’s in public – it’s no longer secret.”
Johnston is, you will note, keen on distancing himself from the nutters of the movement, who he takes special care to note have not been invited to be part of the (unarmed) monitoring teams. That's not to say the nutters will have no duties, however; I hereby task them with monitoring their local Walmarts, in case Russian or Muslim-ish troops start pouring through the secret tunnels that connect all southwestern Walmarts to Mexico. The rest of us will be polishing our binoculars while you do that.
“Two and two doesn’t add up,” [Johnston] said.
See, that's the whole problem here. Two and two adds up just fine, my friends. If you can't add two and two and get the same answer everyone else has, that's not necessarily because you've uncovered a mathematical conspiracy that nobody else has the brains to understand.