Short diary just to call attention to an epic twitter history posted by Sil Lai Abrams, a former contributor to Ebony and author of the forthcoming book, Passing Strangely, about her experiences growing up biracial in a family that hid her paternity from her. Here's the publisher's blurb:
Sil Lai always knew she was different: “My skin was darker and my hair curlier than my siblings,” but when the man who she thought was her dad told her the truth—that she was actually black—her whole world was turned upside down. Raised as a white girl in the all-white community of Winter Park, Florida, Sil Lai Abrams was forced to re-examine who she really was. In her book, she shares this unique journey and how it speaks to a larger question: Why does race matter? Her story is one of acceptance and identity but it also tackles the very uncomfortable topic of race in America and how it threatens to damage the very core of our society.
Because of the kerfuffle over Shaun King, Abrams took to twitter to talk in-depth about her experience growing up with a complicated racial identity, one that legal documents - her birth certificate, her driver's license - did not confirm. It's a story more typical than mainstream discussions about race like to recognize, and it's a valuable, insightful read. A few highlights below:
Abrams goes on to tell about the various reasons her identity was hidden from her, which she describes as "benevolent, misguided." Her father raised her despite her mother's infidelity and with a desire for her to feel "no different" than any of his other children.
But it also highlights that, in addition to the havoc it can play on one's own sense of self, the decisions made within a family may have social reverberations that are entirely at odds with their intentions. Her father's intent to raise her as his own did not convince their neighbors to treat her as "white," even though her family explained her skin color as exceptionally tan. This culminates in threats from a former friend once she learns about her parentage.
There's a lot more here, including her old driver's license listing her as white, her family photos, and her difficult path out of self-hatred and into acceptance in a community that treated non-whiteness so harshly, which made her the target of threats and abuse. Heartbreaking stuff, and a reminder that the policing of race in this country can go to ridiculous lengths.
Abrams is careful to note that her experience may not be Shaun's at all, but that his identity is under attack for reasons that her identity would be similarly questioned. The available legal evidence indicates that she is white. She has no pictures of her biological father. She is, in the facile terms that our media outlets are discussing this, a liar.
If nothing else, a lesson for us all on journalistic ethics in the blogosphere: when you're going to break a story that could very well ruin someone's life, you make sure that story is watertight before you hit publish, if you hit publish at all. I have no particular faith that the goons at Breitbart have any such compass, but that doesn't mean we can't learn something from their failure. Family histories are not clearly-plotted road maps, and anyone who researches their own at length is going to find stories like Abrams', of questionable paternities disguised with legal documents, of family secrets passed down in whispers, and of families recreating themselves out of necessity. I have at least one case in my own family, some generations back, where a cross-racial affair went unrecognized until a lawsuit - had there been no lawsuit, I'd have no knowledge that it ever happened. People try to shush things up. That may or may not be Shaun's story, but this is real life, not a partisan game.