While I was reading about the many nefarious ways that the Right has been interfering with our democracy, with voter suppression, gerrymandering, and threatening people with jail if they go to the wrong polling place, I was thinking that it doesn't really matter how bad the GOP presidential candidates are. With their war on voters, they could run a dead armadillo and it would probably win the election. So I thought, why not? It would defintely be a better choice than anyone they've got now. So I present to you... The Dead Armadillo! (Apologies to Leo Kottke for stealing the image, and I hope satire is fair use)... See below the Orange Roadkill for all that The Dead Armadillo has to offer...
The Dead Armadillo should be the choice of any reasonable American for the Republican nomination for president. Here's why the Dead Armadillo is a better choice than any of the other GOP candidates:
* The Dead Armadillo never lies.
* The Dead Armadillo is not going to defund Planned Parenthood.
* The Dead Armadillo will not deport ANYONE.
* The Dead Armadillo will not spend any money building a wall across any border.
* The Dead Armadillo will not appoint anyone with an explosive temper and hateful attitudes to the Supreme Court.
* The Dead Armadillo does not welcome the End Times or want to join in The Rapture.
* The Dead Armadillo will not give away any public lands to corporations.
* The Dead Armadillo has never called anyone a "thug" and never will.
* The Dead Armadillo has no tax return to release or hide.
* The Dead Armadillo has not been photographed at fundraisers with any child molesters, Neo-Nazis, or KKK Grand Wizards.
* The Dead Armadillo has no interest in women's lady parts or what they do with them.
* The Dead Armadillo will not object to anyone marrying the person they love.
* The Dead Armadillo will never say the word "Benghazi."
And finally...
* The Dead Armadillo is cuter than Rand Paul.
* The Dead Armadillo is more articulate than Scott Walker.
* The Dead Armadillo has more class than Mike Huckabee.
And...
* The Dead Armadillo gives better speeches than Chris Christie.
The Dead Armadillo: He Will Do No Harm!