Invective as a corrective:
That's my aim, in rhyme and verse.
Things are so bad, this can't make it worse!
"The Ballad of Kentucky Kim"
She may seem straitlaced and prim,
Our newsworthy Kentucky Kim,
But the clerk from Morehead
Has a past that’s torrid.
Divorced three times and married four:
A record one cannot ignore.
A marrying phenomenon,
While wed to Dwain she got it on
With Thomas Dale, producing twins,
Not knowing all the outs and ins
Of birth control, nor self- either,
Nor of a mind to take a breather,
Divorces Dwaine and marries Joe.
But then she tires of him and so
Divorces Joe and weds guess who?
Thomas Dale, for men are few
And far between in Rowan County
On whom a lass could spread love’s bounty.
Yet for Tom she lost her taste,
Within a year, unseemly haste,
She dumped him and then returned
To a spouse whom she had spurned:
Joe Davis, husband two and four,
If you still are keeping score.
Of Kim one surely must conclude
She loves to marry and be wooed.
All this time our Kim enjoyed
Being gainfully employed,
Thanks to her maternal breeding
Off the public trough she’s feeding:
Her mother was the county clerk,
A job that has the nifty perk
Of letting you hire kith and kin,
So Kim’s career there could begin:
Associate clerk at sixty thou
(Overtime kicked in, and how).
People started to complain
At all of this ungodly gain.
The county court sent down word
To cut the budget by one-third.
When her mom chose to retire
Kim’s salary rose even higher
Because she ran and won the race
To take her sainted mother’s place.
Eighty thou she wasn’t loath
To take, so Ms. Kim took the oath
To uphold the Constitution
And be safe from destitution.
About this time Kimmie found Jesus,
Supposedly the one who frees us;
Yet in her church the one who saves
Does so by producing slaves,
Especially of the fairer sex:
In these Apostolic sects
They’re told in no uncertain terms
No more lipstick, jewels, or perms.
Men can’t wear jewels, but what do they care?
It’s women who can’t cut their hair.
A license to marry has to be signed
By a county clerk. Not hard to find--
Unless, that is, the county you live in
Is Rowan, Kentucky, which has been given
To Kimberly Davis, her private fief,
For she announced her firm belief,
Grounded in a faith that’s Apostolic,
That to marry gays is diabolic.
The Supremes may be the law of the land;
That’s nothing to her, the Court be damned.
God is the ultimate Judge in her sight.
She dug in her heels and put up a fight.
“I don’t discriminate,” she said.
“I won’t marry gays, so no one can wed.”
She refused all comers, gay or straight.
No one in Rowan could wed their mate.
This bureaucrat’s nitwitted sanctimony
Robbed folks of their right to matrimony.
Supported by the ACLU,
Four frustrated couples decided to sue,
Two of them straight, two of them gay,
Equally eager to enter the fray.
Said Kim: “From obeying the law I’m exempt.”
Said the judge: “Obey it, or you’re in contempt.”
So Davis chose jail, stayed there four days,
To fundies a martyr, a moron to gays.
Two clown-car Republicans joined the parade,
As a circus of preachers ranted and prayed.
Huckabee Huckster, one of the pols,
Had earlier shilled for cinnamon rolls.
He’d claimed diabetics needed to try it,
His miracle, biblical, cinnamon diet.
His aide blocked the other, Senator Cruz,
From approaching the mic to utter his views.
Meanwhile the subalterns who worked under Kim,
Threatened with jail, a prospect most grim,
Gave in to the judge and signed with their name
Those marriage licenses that brought her fame.
The judge let Kim out if she’d not interfere.
Whether she would or would not wasn’t clear.
But so far she hasn’t and couples can wed
In the county seat they call Morehead,
Whether they’re gay or whether they’re straight.
To see if this lasts we’ll just have to wait.
Perhaps we can count, out in whatever holler
Kim Davis resides, on the power of the dollar.
Rowan Countians may wonder if she’s worth her pay
When no one can marry just ’cause some are gay.
Eighty thou is hard to forego
Just on account of you want to say no.
Some Christians now pray, “God, please save us
From defenders like Kim Davis.”
Update:
The issue still is unresolved,
And now the Pope’s become involved.
Somehow Kim got in to see
His Holiness when in D. C.
He gave her a rosary.
Back home they call that popery,
And it might not sit too well
With those who like to think of hell
As just the place for Romish sorts
With whom no snake handler consorts.