From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
The Kossack Brain is a Fearsome Beast
The third quarter of 2015 has officially been vanquished by the evil time troopers and their leader, Sir Ticksalot. That means it's C&J number-crunching time. Every few months we post the results of some recent C&J polls (no relation to actual pollster polls, which means we pass the savings on to you) to give you a snapshot of our collective neural activity which, if we could bottle it, would probably violate several federal, state and local bottling laws. These are results from July through September, and the total number of votes each poll received is in parentheses:
• 97 percent of you disagree with Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) that the Supreme Court decision granting marriage rights to same-sex couples is among "the darkest 24 hours in our nation's history." (3,835)
• Former Virginia Senator Jim Webb's presidential campaign is viewed favorably by 3 percent and negatively by 54 percent. (4,465)
• In our annual "Worst Post-World War II President" poll, 78 believe it's George W. Bush, 11 percent opted for Reagan and Nixon got 4 percent. (6,987)
As usual, Simba voted "Banana" in every poll.
• 24 percent are very confident and 66 are somewhat confident that the nuclear accord with Iran will work as intended. (4,109)
• On its fifth birthday, 29 percent thought the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau was performing better than expected while 33 percent thought it was doing as well as expected. (2,350)
• 44 percent are favorable to a Joe Biden candidacy while 32 percent are unfavorable to the idea. (4,748)
• 41 percent believe we'll take back the Senate next year, 35% say there's a 50-50 chance, and 18% don't believe we will. (4,580)
• 97 percent disagree with Jeb Bush that the war in Iraq was "a pretty good deal." (4,473)
• 84 percent like the idea of Jon Stewart hosting one of the presidential debates next year. (4,912)
• 59 percent give John Kerry an A for his performance as Secretary of State (4,468). Five percent give Arne Duncan an A for his performance as Secretary of Education. (3,556)
As always, we appreciate your participation in our C&J polls. To thank you, we'll be coming over later today to glaze your house in pumpkin spice.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, October 6, 2015
Note From the Eyewitness News desk: Jeb Bush's poll number drops to four percent. "Stuff happens" at 11.
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11 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til
Suffragette is released in the U.S.:
17
Days 'til the
Woolly Worm Festival in Banner Elk, North Carolina:
11
Number of filters distributed to Flint, Michigan residents because of excess lead in their drinking water:
4,000
Number that still in need of filters:
16,000
(Source:
Maine Sunday Telegram)
Percent of revenue from NFL breast cancer awareness merchandise that goes to cancer research:
8%
(Source: Business Insider)
Portion of Americans under the age of five who are non-white :
1/2
Factor by which a U.S. video-game player is more likely to be an adult woman than a boy under eighteen:
2
(Source: Harper's Index)
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
RedState commenters respond to Rep. Paul Ryan's endorsement of Rep. Kevin McCarthy for House Speaker…
Congressman with all due respect... Screw you with the horse you rode in on.
---cynicalnerd
Ho-hum. One non-conservative endorses another non-conservative. One La Raza Republican endorses another La Raza Republican.. McCarthy is just a warmed over Boehner and actually to Boehner's left.
---helmconservative
Dear Mr. Paul Ryan, Kindly take your failure theater and your fellow RINO, Kevin McCarthy and go fornicate yourself.
---coldheartedpatriot
All together now: 1…2…3…
Classy!
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Puppy Pic of the Day: The era when humans will drive without touching the steering wheel is upon us…
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CHEERS to "a very big deal." Now that the Iran accord is a done deal, the Obama administration is training all its guns (well, except the ones blowing up Doctors Without Borders outposts in Afghanistan) on the Trans-Pacific Partnership trade agreement. Yesterday it was announced that the pieces have fallen into place, much to the consternation of almost everyone who doesn’t have an "Inc." in their name. But as far as the claim that TPP's environmental provisions are "phony," maybe not this time:
The folks at WWF better know
what they're talking about.
Environmentalists praised wildlife protections included in the sweeping Trans-Pacific Partnership trade deal announced Monday, calling them groundbreaking. […] Those measures represent a major breakthrough on one of the most divisive issues in the contentious trade negotiations, as well as a significant victory for the Obama administration, which had pushed for strong environmental provisions against the objections of most other countries taking part in the 12-nation deal.
“The provisions in the Trans-Pacific Partnership go beyond what we have seen in other trade agreements,” said David McCauley, senior vice president for policy and government affairs at the World Wildlife Fund, which was among several advocacy groups that had worked closely with the administration on the final language. “We see this as a very big deal.”
Sounds encouraging. But I'll believe it when I see elephants high-fiving each other.
CHEERS to bright medals for bright minds. It's Nobel Prize Giving Away Week---that most wonderful time of year when I can confirm that, relatively speaking, I'm one dumb-as-rocks sumbitch with a brain that resembles avocado dip past its sell-by date. The latest winners announced yesterday in the "Medicine or Physiology or Dessert Topping" category hail from the U.S., Japan and China:
As part of their prize package,
each gets a licorice stethoscope.
William C. Campbell and Satoshi Ōmura discovered a new drug, Avermectin, the derivatives of which have radically lowered the incidence of River Blindness and Lymphatic Filariasis, as well as showing efficacy against an expanding number of other parasitic diseases. Youyou Tu discovered Artemisinin, a drug that has significantly reduced the mortality rates for patients suffering from Malaria.
These two discoveries have provided humankind with powerful new means to combat these debilitating diseases that affect hundreds of millions of people annually. The consequences in terms of improved human health and reduced suffering are immeasurable.
When asked if they planned to tackle the increasingly-ravenous parasites known as the Koch brothers the three responded in unison: "Dammit, man, we're scientists not miracle workers."
JEERS to goose-steppers for the homeland. Mama always told me libertarians are like a box of chocolates---you never know what yer gonna get. In Florida, the U.S. Senate race for Marco Rubio's soon-to-be-vacant seat is getting a guy supported by neo-Nazis who drinks goat blood and talks like Anakin Skywalker after he became a Sith:
In retaliation, a goat ate
his copy of "Mein Kampf"
A Florida man running for U.S. Senate is supported by neo-Nazis and acknowledged he once sacrificed a goat and drank its blood. Augustus Sol Invictus is the Florida Libertarian Party’s candidate and has faced other accusations ranging from his support of eugenics, prophesizing a “great war” within America’s borders and drawing support of neo-Nazis. … “I sacrificed an animal to the god of the wilderness…Yes, I drank the goat’s blood.”
A word of advice if you plan to attend any of his debates: take a poncho and safety goggles. It could get messy.
CHEERS to Team D. Meanwhile, on the sane side of the senate aisle, here's some great news: Roll Call says the Democratic pump is primed to boot Mitch McConnell and his do-nothings back to the minority…
"Senator Maggie Hassan"
has a real nice ring to it.
With New Hampshire Gov. Maggie Hassan’s entrance into the Granite State Senate contest, the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee has secured nearly every top-tier recruit it sought for 2016---when Democrats will attempt to net the five seats necessary to regain control of the Senate. Aside from Hassan in New Hampshire, the DSCC secured strong candidates in Florida, Illinois, Missouri, Nevada, Ohio, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin. The DSCC also scored wins with Rep. Ann Kirkpatrick’s decision to run for Senate in Arizona, as well as three Democratic senators from red states forgoing gubernatorial bids in 2016. […]
“You cannot overstate the importance of candidate recruitment and what the DSCC has done in 2015 is very impressive,” said Senate Majority PAC Communications Director Shripal Shah. “It’s one of the committee’s most important responsibilities and they’ve been nearly flawless.”
And as far as I can tell, not a goat sacrificer among the bunch.
"Gladys! Bring me a map."
CHEERS to Great Moments Republican gaffery (and this was a biggun'). On September 6,1976, President Gerald Ford claimed
during a debate with Jimmy Carter that there was "no Soviet domination in Eastern Europe." The GOP let 72 hours pass before correcting themselves, giving Carter time to drop the hammer. Today, of course, Republicans don’t even bother to correct anything. They just get Fox News to stick a "(D)" next to the offender's name and send in the clowns from Breitbart.com to concoct a new story. Heh, corrections. Really...how quaint.
JEERS to C&J getting an F. We had one school assignment yesterday: remember to commemorate UNESCO's annual World Teachers Day. As usual, we forgot. Also as usual, we blamed it on the dog. Also as usual, we'll be spending the day outside clapping erasers.
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Ten years ago in C&J: October 6, 2005
CHEERS to take-backs and do-overs. (via Raw Story) The new head of FEMA, R. David "Got Duct Tape?" Paulison, says no-bid reconstruction contracts forged in the wake of hurricane Katrina are going to become open-bid contracts after all:
"I've been a public servant for a long time, and I've never been a fan of no-bid contracts," Paulison told a Senate panel investigating the Federal Emergency Management Agency's response to the hurricane. "Sometimes you have to do them because of the expediency of getting things done. And I can assure that you we are going to look at all of those contracts very carefully."
And no fair counting Kellogg Brown and Root as three companies. But nice try.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the one ring to rule them all…and also turn on your lights and order take-out! If you've been wondering how Apple will bounce back from its disappointing introduction of the Apple Watch, wonder no more! Through the arduous journalistic process known as surfing the web, C&J has discovered that Tim Cook & Co. have filed a patent application for a device that'll make you feel a bit Frodo-ish:
My preciousssss...
Apple has designed a smart ring, which could be the next piece of wearable tech from the Apple Watch maker. The patent application known as “Devices and methods for a ring computing device” published by the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office on Thursday, discloses that it carries the description of an advanced ring-style wearable that will depend on a number of inputs such as voice, motion and touch input in order for the user to control and interact wirelessly with other computing devices. This “Apple ring” would be packed with a rechargeable power source, such as a battery.
Although not included in the patent application, C&J has learned that there will be a version of the iRing specifically designed to summon your butler. They call it the uRang.
Oh, and First Fella-in-waiting Bill Clinton visits Stephen Colbert on The Late Show tonight. I hope Hillary's watching because that guy has great campaign ideas. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
“Every problem that you can possibly imagine is caused by Bill in Portland Maine. If there is rain, if it’s too hot, if there’s a mosquito in the kiddie pool, it is all BiPM.”
---Bernie Sanders
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