From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Oh! More Things I Know:
> There is a 2015 election day and it's 26 days away.
> Trevor Noah is doing okay, but the real heir to Jon Stewart on Comedy Central is turning out to be Larry Wilmore.
> The water on Mars is safer to drink than the water in Flint, Michigan.
> The latest attempt by Reince Priebus to re-brand the Republican party, which he launched half an hour ago, is already sitting in a dumpster outside the RNC.
Also too I know: it was a
bountiful harvest this year.
> Marco Rubio recently said he wants to be left out of "Trump's freak show," but not before he signed a loyalty pledge to support Trump's freak show if he becomes the Republican nominee.
> Gov. Scott Walker is touring Wisconsin to re-introduce himself. If "re-introduce" means getting doors slammed in his face, it's going well.
> The Dallas house where President Obama accepted the surrender of Texas following Operation Jade Helm 15 will one day be added to the Register of Historic Places.
> A few dozen Values Voters Summit attendees are still standing in the grand ballroom applauding John Boehner's resignation announcement.
> I'm glad there's a goat-sacrificing eugenics guy supported by neo-Nazis running for the U.S. Senate in Florida, because we need more diversity in the upper chamber.
> To set an example for how black Americans can live their lives without relying on "free stuff" from the government, Jeb Bush paid over a million dollars in cash for his new Kennebunkport summer mansion. See? It's easy!
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, October 8, 2015
Note: Just a heads-up that there will be no C&J on Monday as we'll be on more cottage-closing duties up north. Back Tuesday smelling like mothballs and ready to fire the opening salvos in the War on Christmas.
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9 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til
Indigenous Peoples' Day:
4
Days 'til the
Wellfleet OysterFest on Cape Cod:
9
Percent of the world's population living in poverty, down from 12.8% in 2010:
9.6%
Years since records have been kept when the poverty level was below 10%:
0
(Source: World Bank)
Rank of Lincoln Chafee, Jim Webb and Bernie Sanders among presidential candidates who use the best grammar:
#1, #2, #3
Rank of Donald Trump, Rick Santorum and Marco Rubio among
presidential candidates who use the worst grammar:
#1, #2, #3
Grammatical mistakes Democratic and Republican candidates, respectively, make
per hundred words:
4.2 / 8.7
(Source:
USA Today)
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
The beauty of thinking long-term is that when you look at a problem like illegal immigration, your first thought is not building a fence on the border, it's helping economic development in Central and South America. This not only makes us more friends, it's a much better solution to the problem. Lots of folks have dandy ideas on how to have more friends and fewer enemies---for example, convert the money we spend in this hemisphere on the drug war to economic development. We should set up clean drinking water systems in all Third World countries---that suggestion comes from a reader who thinks the total cost would be less than we spend in Iraq in a month.
---November, 2005
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Pumpkin and the pooch.
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CHEERS to another big fat NO. Bernie Sanders has always been against the Trans-Pacific partnership (TPP) trade deal, which will eliminate jobs in the U.S. faster than Carly Fiorina did at Hewlitt Packard. (I think she holds the record…or does Jeb's brother?) And now the other leading Democratic candidate is on the record---Hillary Clinton says fuggedaboudit:
She chose...wisely.
"As of today, I am not in favor of what I have learned about it," Clinton said in the interview. "I have said from the very beginning that we had to have a trade agreement that would create good American jobs, raise wages and advance our national security. I still believe that's the high bar we have to meet. I've been trying to learn as much as I can about the agreement, but I'm worried. I appreciate the hard work that President Obama and his team put into this process and recognize the strides they made," Clinton said in a statement released to reporters traveling with her in Iowa. "But the bar here is very high and, based on what I have seen, I don't believe this agreement has met it."
Also opposing the deal: Donald Trump. Because, in the immortal words of Rick Perry, even a stopped clock is right once a day.
CHEERS to cool science. The Nobel Prize-a-palooza continued yesterday with the chemistry medallions (which are a bit tougher than veal medallions, but still tasty). As usual, they went to…wait for it…NERDS!!
Each receives a medal from
the Nobel committee and a
purple nurple from the jocks.
Dr. [Tomas] Lindahl, of the Francis Crick Institute in London, was honored for his discoveries on base excision repair---the cellular mechanism that repairs damaged DNA during the cell cycle. Dr. [Paul] Modrich, of the Howard Hughes Medical Institute and Duke University School of Medicine, was recognized for showing how cells correct errors that occur when DNA is replicated during cell division. Dr. [Aziz] Sancar, of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, was cited for mapping the mechanism cells use to repair ultraviolet damage to DNA.
“Their systematic work has made a decisive contribution to the understanding of how the living cell functions, as well as providing knowledge about the molecular causes of several hereditary diseases and about mechanisms behind both cancer development and aging,” the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences, which awarded the prize, said in a statement.
I was a poor chemistry student. In fact, I believe some of my hair is still stuck to the ceiling in Dr. Ernst's middle school classroom. (But in my defense, I
did successfully replicate flubber.)
JEERS to the fog stupidity of war. Here's this morning's update on who is being blamed for the U.S. airstrike on that Doctors Without Borders hospital in Afghanistan that killed a dozen medical staffers and ten patients (including three children) and wounded nearly 40 more:
It was the Taliban…no, it was he Afghan army…no, it was the U.S. Army…no, it was the U.S. Air Force...no, it was that general…no, it was that colonel…no, it was that major…no, it was that sergeant…no, it was that corporal…no, it was that private…no, it was that private's dog…ruff, ruf ruff ruff ruff cat…
The Department of Defense has promised a "transparent, thorough, and objective" investigation. As soon as they look those big words up in a dictionary.
JEERS to Bovines of Mass Destruction. On this date in 1871, the Great Chicago Fire broke out after Barack Obama kicked over a lantern in Mrs. O'Leary's barn to try and incinerate damning evidence proving that Bill Ayers ghost-wrote his books. Or, if you prefer the non-Fox News version: it was a cow. Despite the horrific damage and loss of life, there was a bright side: the T-bones were excellent that night.
The vultures gather.
JEERS to the doggiest and poniest show in Doggiepony Land. Drama in the House of Representatives---or rather the secret Republican star chamber known as the House cloak room---today as a successor to Speaker John Boehner is chosen. The three choices are the guy who embarrassed his party by fucking up the Benghazi hearings, the guy who embarrassed his party by fucking up the Planned Parenthood hearings, and the guy who hasn't embarrassed his party by fucking up something but has no chance of winning (go figure). The actual binding vote by the entire House---Ds as well as Rs---happens later this month, and if no candidate reaches 218 votes, the speakership must stay with John Boehner. Or as he's better known: the guy who embarrasses his party just by walking into a room.
CHEERS to civility. The "Complete Book of Etiquette" was first published 63 years ago, on October 8, 1952. Lesson #1: Be nice to everyone. Lesson #2: If you don’t feel like following Rule #1, aim for the shins.
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Ten years ago in C&J: October 8, 2005
JEERS to grim reality. Get used to stories like this: Two of the "main hospitals" in New Orleans have been deemed unsalvageable because of unbreathable air (read: mold spores with 16-inch biceps) and water damage. It'll cost hundreds of millions of dollars to rebuild `em. So if y'all wouldn't mind not getting sick or having accidents for a few years, they sure would appreciate it.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to previews of coming attractions. Other than Star Wars VII, the movie I'm most eager to see this fall is Trumbo:
The successful career of 1940s screenwriter Dalton Trumbo (Bryan Cranston) comes to a crushing end when he and other Hollywood figures are blacklisted for their political beliefs. Trumbo (directed by Jay Roach) tells the story of his fight against the U.S. government and studio bosses in a war over words and freedom, which entangled everyone in Hollywood from Hedda Hopper (Helen Mirren) and John Wayne to Kirk Douglas and Otto Preminger.
The new international trailer was just released. Take a look:
We hear Ted Cruz can't wait to see it. So he can cheer the blacklisters.
Oh, and DVR Alert: Rachel Maddow---who we just learned will moderate the Democratic candidates debate in South Carolina next month (woo hoo!)---is on The Daily Show tonight. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
New York Times Editorial Board Calls On Republicans To "Shut Down Cheers and Jeers"
---Media Matters
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