By way of preface, I'd like to suggest that we should test for drugs all the Republican candidates for every office, and if any of them are found to be drug free, they should immediately be disqualified, for they lack any excuse for their insanity.
However, the focus of this diary is the cadre of Presidential hopefuls. Follow me past the 18th-century signature to have a look at the possible drugs of choice for some of them:
First and foremost is P. T. Barnum, I mean D. Trump. This man is clearly a Ritalin kind of guy. This is the drug that will give him that little boost he needs to feed his WWF sized ego.
Next, Dr. Ben Carson, not to be confused with Dr. Ben Casey. As befits a man of conservative tastes, his drug of choice just has to be that old-fashioned favorite, methaqualone. The slurred speech, the droopy eyelids and the languid posture all say 'ludes.
Now for Carly Fiorina, I have to go with sertraline. This is a Zoloft woman, for certain. When they told her that SRI* held the secret of success for HP, she confused it with SSRI.** The rest is history.
Ted Cruz is most likely a fan of datura, mixed with benzedrine. A little jimson weed with a chaser of goof balls is is just the thing for this traditionalist. It makes you just crazy enough to try to hijack the entire government.
As for Jebby, I think he forgets to take his thyroid pills. Disclaimer: I'm very faithful in taking mine.
Any ideas you might have for the other candidates, please feel free to chip in.
*Stanford Research Institute
**Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor