You. Monsters.
The torture device formally known as
Fox & Friends continues to be
the lead paint of news.
Following Tuesday night’s first Democratic presidential debate, Fox News host Steve Doocy argued that “everything is going to be a gravy train. Just a trough. Open it up.”
“Well the kids like it, right?” Ingraham agreed. “All the kids in college, like, yeah, we can keep playing foosball and hanging out after college because we’re all going to — they’re going to take care of us.”
I don't know what debate
you were watching last night, but the one playing in Steve Doocy's head was a cavalcade of "freebies" being promised to America's moochers and takers and foosball-playing kids today with their loud music and we hate them
so much.
As Ingraham spoke, Fox News displayed a list titled, “Freebies Promised During Democratic Debate.”
Stand back, everyone,
Fox & Friends has some punditing to do.
Co-host Brian Kilmeade read off some of the items: “Childhood education, higher minimum wage, public college, public family leave, health care, health care for children, and in-state tuition for illegals, which they were cheering for!”
Childhood education? You. Monsters. First you want roads to drive on, and now you want
childhood education? Between that and health care it's difficult to imagine a darker hellscape awaiting us. You want American children to have
childhood education, fine, but know that the pencil sharpeners in that child's classroom were bought with Charles Koch's broken dreams.
All right, so we have once again determined that America is the greatest country in the world, but is still not great enough to muster up the kind of basic social services that might be available in, say, Lithuania. This is because Our Freedoms largely revolve around the sacred duty of corporations to treat our citizenry Like Crap, doling out perks like non-poverty wages and the ability for your child to perhaps visit a doctor only to those deemed worthy. Mind you, there is a problem in America when employees at a hugely profitable corporation like Walmart have to stand in government lines to supplement their incomes enough to afford both food and medicine, and Fox & Friends exists to tell you that the problem is that the goddamn government needs to stop giving these people handouts—if Walmart says these people aren't hard enough workers to earn three whole meals in a day, it ruins the whole motivational endeavor to have Uncle Sam step in with a coupon to make up part of the difference.
This has been another installment of Fox & Friends is the lead paint of news. Coming up next: Gun violence. Why are so many American children stealing our patriots' hard-earned bullets, and why are the enemies of Fox News so quick to take the side of these dirty little thieves?