This was definitely a Spongebob episode.
There is just no way that Jeb! Bush isn't
the dumb one.
Jeb Bush is proposing that the Department of the Interior's headquarters be moved from Washington to the western United States as part of a four-part plan for reforming federal land management practices he unveiled Wednesday, marking yet another attempt to distance himself and his policies from the nation's capital.
So by "distancing himself and his policies from the nation's capital," Jeb Bush literally means
distancing his policies from the nation's capital. The exact same policies, but what if we moved them
over here.
In a post on Medium, the Republican White House hopeful says that in addition to moving the department's headquarters, he wants to expand state power over federal lands, encourage "better" management of those areas, clear the way for more mining and energy development and expand recreational access. Bush will pitch his plan during a campaign stop in Reno, Nevada.
All of that is painfully conventional, of course. A Republican politician demanding more mining and drilling on public lands is not exactly breaking new ground, although it does involve breaking a lot of literal ground. A Bush, in particular, demanding we give the energy sector a special break on tearing up the countryside is a straight lift from his brother's one-note policies. Sure enough, you've also got the "expand state power over federal lands" bit. You might consider that a nod to the Bundy Ranch crowd, the collection of freedom-loving sagebrush-rebellion lunatics who have long been outraged that they can't just graze their cattle or cut down trees or drain rivers on public lands Because They Damn Well Feel Like It—as opposed to having to fill out forms first. But the actual motive has more to do with certain conservative-led states wanting to balance their budgets by leasing or selling off those lands outright and pocketing the cash.
And, finally, there's the tacked-on notion at the end that after the mining companies, logging companies, oil drillers, cattle grazers, and everyone else gets their proper dibs on far, far more of the public lands than they currently are given sweetheart deals on, all of those mining companies, logging companies, oil drillers, cattle grazers, and other businesses will no doubt be happy to host some recreational access to their brand new parking lots. The bad news is that there may be a little mercury poisoning involved; the good news is that you, too, can be riding your own recreational vehicle on the shores of lovely Lake Coal Slurry.
Read on to find out what's really behind Jeb!'s bold proposal.
All of this deep-thinking Jeb Bush innovation, from the "state control" bit to the "more mining and development" part is straight from the policy and legislative agenda of—you guessed it—the corporate front group known as the American Legislative Exchange Council. That's Jeb Bush, ladies and gentlemen, and for the right price your own lobbying organization can also rent office space inside his head.
The part that would make this stupid, as opposed to being merely the usual whoring to the Bush family's personal preferred interest groups, would be to do all of this new managin' from a new headquarters building geographically farther away from the White House and Congress, presumably so that the people approving the new oil leases would not be as prone to catching Government Cooties?
Or maybe as a good excuse for top brass to rack up frequent flier miles?
Or, what the hell, maybe just to make it a bit easier for crooked Bush administration Interior Department officials to take drugs and have sex with the oil and gas company representatives that were plying them will illegal gifts?
[Officials told investigators] they did not view socializing with oil company representatives and taking gifts as inappropriate because they said they needed to be part of the marketing culture in order to market the program’s oil and gas.
Ah, you'd forgotten that particular Bush administration scandal, hadn't you? The one where under Jeb's brother George W. Bush, energy company representatives were not just plying the Denver-based Interior Department regulators tasked with regulating them with vacation outings and event tickets, but plowing them too.
And now you remember, because Jeb Bush says if he's president, he'll move the whole darn Interior Department to Denver. Now there were some people who really knew how to get things done!