I have to defend Bill Clinton.
I am a gay male and was a young adult back then who lived through those times of DADT and DOMA. I feel Bill Clinton is being unfairly vilified for his role in both and from my perspective, I feel either people have forgotten the atmosphere of those times, weren't around when it happened or worse, don't care enough to include the big picture. I remember things differently and feel that side is not being presented.
Bill Clinton was the first President to ever say anything positive about gays. I remember George H. Bush and also losing presidential candidate Bob Dole answering questions at the debates about gays and they seemed disgusted about having to talk about gays at all. Bill Clinton was not like that; he was sympathetic towards us. It was a complete turnaround from what we experienced with Reagan and Bush. It gave me hope. The leader of the United States talked about us as human beings, it seemed, for the first time. For me, it was a watershed moment because it made me feel we were not alone and things could change.
Things are so different now than it was then, especially in the late 80's when I came of age. In Mississippi where I was from, it was dangerous to even go into a gay bar. They were usually situated in the worst part of town to be in at night. Gay bars looked more like condemned buildings than an actual place where people were inside. I remember looking for a gay bar in Jackson, Ms. and I literally had to find it by the street number because in the front, there was no indication there was even an establishment there; the windows were darkened and it looked abandoned and run down. I remember being warned that a bar in Biloxi had been bombed during the week and not to go there. I remember in New Orleans being told that in one bar, a few streets from Bourbon Street, had a gang enter it one night with baseballs bats who then started beating those who were inside. I'm not exaggerating when I say it was dangerous. One always had to be aware of who was around you every time you went into one. It could be a nerve-wracking experience one does not forget.
It wasn't just when trying to meet someone that was difficult. I remember in 1990 being in a play at college and during that time, in a class, whimsical themes were being discussed and someone innocently remarked, "But there are no faeries in the play we are doing" and I made a joke and said, "Well, I don't know about that...." The teacher immediately said in front of everyone, "I wouldn't admit that if I were you." And this was in the theatre department, of all things. I remember having a straight best friend in the theatre department, he was a good looking leading man type everyone had hope for and we were inseparable at the time. I had just won 1st place in the college playwriting contest. My best friend got his review at the end of the term like everyone else did and the heads of the department told him to be "careful about who he hangs around." I was the only one hanging around him and they knew it. They said other things that put no doubt in his mind who they were talking about. It seemed to me they literally told him not to be friends with the openly gay guy and believe it or not, there were few of us back then who were. He thought it was funny because it was so dumb, but it certainly made me feel bad. How was I a "bad influence?" I had just won 1st place in the writing competition? There was only one reason. I was gay and they thought he could be the next Tom Cruise. It was unbelievable then and it's still unbelievable today. So it wasn't just bars that were a challenge, it was a daily challenge involving almost everyone.
That was our existence at the time. No great leaders were defending us. Then Bill Clinton stepped in as the most powerful man in the world. He was obviously not the only one who said positive things about us, but he was surely the most important one at the time. Bill Clinton seemed to be a bomb hurled against this culture of hate and denigration. He was proof things could get better. It makes me sad that people don't seem to be seeing that side of him, because for me at the time, it seemed like a beautiful gesture of what a good man can do. He made the sun shine a little brighter for some of us.
I was disillusioned that Bill could not get openly gay men to serve in the military like he promised, but there is no question DADT was a step forward for us. When you tried to join the military, they point-blank asked you if you were a homosexual. If you said yes, you were rejected. That would no longer be the case. You didn't have to lie anymore because they could no longer ask you. Even that was progress and it showed the direction how things were going. It wasn't ideal, but it was a minor win for us and showed roadblocks were coming down.
DOMA was a big disappointment. I was saddened by it, but almost, in a way, relieved. There would be no constitutional amendment and there was absolutely no question DOMA would be overturned in the future. Yes, those of us at the time would have to suffer for awhile for the next generation. It was a blow, but I would bear it with grace while we fought for it to be overturned for the sake of those who came after us, knowing it would not last long under our tenacity. I knew it might take awhile, but it would be gone one day, perhaps soon. There was no doubt of that. It didn't fill me with hope for the present but it filled me with hope for the future. I did think it had bought us some time. People are saying there was never a real threat of a constitutional amendment, but I surely felt threatened by it. I definitely remember the dread of it. It seemed most of Congress absolutely hated us, and it seemed most of America agreed with doing something more permanent. I don't think anyone can say it absolutely would not have happened. The AIDS crisis in the 80's and 90's seemed to strengthen people's attitudes against us at the time. Anything was possible. I even understood somewhat why Bill had to do it. I was not angry at him for it. I never expected him to sacrifice himself completely for us. He had real enemies, I felt there was a real threat and he's just a man and not a martyr. I was grateful for the things he had done, the things he tried to do, and am grateful for the things he does now. He knew DOMA had a huge flaw in it, he knew it would be ruled against one day, and I think he had faith in us that we ourselves and the people who support us could make it happen. He was not our enemy. He was just a man who was not prepared for such a fight, and for me, that's okay, because he helped us in so many other ways and I will be forever grateful for that.
I see some people's animosity toward him, but I'm not one of them and I think they are being unfair. I remember back when the world was different and Bill Clinton, a good ol' boy from Arkansas, reached out to us to help us along our way. He was a friend to us when we needed friends and I hope people realize that when talking about him. I will always be in his debt. Thank you, Bill Clinton.