Is it just me, or did Black Friday begin already? The annoying hashtag and email onslaught started sometime last week.
And why am I surprised?
Like most holidays, Black Friday is becoming just another opportunity for retail conglomerates to push our buttons. Forget the meaning of Thanksgiving and the holiday season, folks. Forget any reason for any holiday that doesn’t involve spending money. We’ve got stock to move, soldiers! A recent Change.org petition, started by an erstwhile employee, Macy's: Don't open for business on Thanksgiving Day, has gathered over 50,000 signatures in favor of closing the retail giant on Thanksgiving. Don’t hold your breath. As long as people show up and buy, no megastore is going to bypass the opportunity to squeeze out a few more dollars from the purchasing public.
At a nearby competing store that shall remain nameless for obvious reasons, my co-workers and I were discussing the fact that not only do we miss the entire fall — winter holiday season because of our jobs, we have to be available to work every single day between Hallowe’en and New Year’s Day. That’s right, we are not allowed to ask for any vacation time during this period. Our store is closed one day — ONE DAY — out of the 365 in a year. That day is Christmas Day, and at this point, I’m wondering why they’re even bothering, since the store is open regular and even extended hours every single day right up until the Big Day, and is opening at 6 a.m. again the very next morning.
We, the retail workers of America, are in many cases not allowed time to celebrate the very holidays for which our bosses are raking in and hoovering up cash. Is this the American Dream? I ask you.
The next time a tired clerk neglects to say, “Merry Christmas!” or whatever holiday you’re happy about, consider that his or hers may well not be anything to celebrate at all.
And I have a serious question to pose. Please see the poll at the bottom of the page.
See, here’s the thing: those great Black Friday deals? Aren’t anything different that we have already had twenty-seven times this year. They are the Exact. Same. Prices. as “Customer Appreciation Day”, “Back to School”, “Charity Day”, “Super Weekend”, and all the other blessed sales we have. There is one single difference: Marketing. And you guys fall for it every year and stampede like cattle thinking you’re going to get some new, previously unavailable ridiculously low-priced deal.
Did you? Really?
Nah, I didn’t think so.
Let me tell you what we’ve got planned for you this year. First, we’re opening for Black Friday at 6 pm Thanksgiving Day. You are so welcome. Then, we’re going to Stay Open all night long, and all day the next day until midnight. During that time we’ll be shuffling placards on top of sales displays the exact same way we do every other day during the year, except this time we’ll be doing it every few hours, so that it looks like HEY LOOK NEW SALE GOING ON IN THE MEN’S DEPARTMENT!!!! Wait — did they just drop the price of handbags 30% off of the SALE PRICE? Woweeeeee!! And LOOK! 40% off of CLEARANCE PRICES — I JUST GOT A $250 HANDBAG FOR FORTY-FIVE DOLLARS!!!!
And yet, ta-da!!! Nothing new here. Same prices, same merchandise as every other day we are open during the year.
You guys are such idiots.
This Diary is brought to you by another tired, erstwhile retail employee, who from here until New Years really doesn’t give a flying fuck if my customers have a happy holiday or not. Because if you are shopping outside of regular hours this season, you are a jerk, and you deserve to be fooled by the Gods of Retail like the tool-head you are. Enjoy that great deal you’re getting, while my capitalist pig bosses laugh all the way to the bank.
Thank you and Have a Nice Day.