Hear Ye, Hear Ye, the Honorable Minor Matters Court of the Frog Environmental Regulatory Commission (FERC) is now in session, Administrative Law Judge Fremont Wood presiding.
Judge Wood: Good Morning, all. We are here for the matter of Re: Sub-agency of the Department of Education vs: John Doe, Operator of Frog Mitigation Area. Do we have a Sub-agency representative here? Please step forward and identify yourself.
Lively: Good Morning your honor. I am CE Lively, inspector for the Grammar Police, a sub-agency of the Federal Department of Education. I filed the complaint in this matter. The Defendant in this case has incorrectly captioned his habitat restoration scheme as the “Frog Mitigation Area,” implying that this area mitigates for the adverse impacts of the presence of frogs. After receiving a referral from the National Security Agency, whose informers monitor a Communist website called “The Daily Kos,” about this potential violation, I issued a citation under CPC 1538.5, charging the defendant with an ambiguous and misleading construct of this project title, compounded by the misguided usage of this title in the resulting Federal Register notices and the FERC’s ultimate Record of Decision. Please note the defendant identifies himself as 6412093 and we’d like to substitute that name into the complaint.
The Daily Bucket is a regular feature of the Backyard Science group. Here we—and you--note any observations we have about the world around us. Insects, weather, meteorites, climate, birds and/or flowers are all worthy additions to the Bucket. Please let us know what is going on around you in a comment. Include, as close as is comfortable for you, where you are located. Each note is a record that we can refer to in the future as we try to understand the glorious cycles of life that are unwinding around us.
Judge Woods: Apparently this matter involves the defendant’s attempt to restore and enhance native frog habitat in a 600 square foot area, in an effort to mitigate the losses of about 10 square feet of Lamb’s Ear in which frogs had resided.The defendant sought FERC’s jurisdiction, and FERC approved an Environmental Assessment and a Record of Decision with 16,000 conditions, over the objections of several angry neighbors and other groups asserting to represent the viewpoints of assorted critters who wish to utilize the area.
Lively: That’s true your Honor. The alleged Frog Mitigation Area actually attempted to compensate for the losses of frog habitat but that’s hardly obvious from the project’s title, hence I issued the citation under the Try and Make Any and More Federal Project Titles Much More Wordy law. The project should be titled: Restoration of an Area to Make Up for Potentially Lost Frog Habitat. I urge re-titling of the project and imposition of punitive penalties onto the defendant.
Judge Woods: Does the Defendant care to respond?
6412093: Yes your honor, I have already re-titled the project as The Frogs’ Mitigation Area (FMA) ; the additional possessive punctuation indicates the Area actually belongs, in a way, to the frogs, and more correctly describes the Area’s functions which are to serve the native frogs.
Judge Woods: I see from the case records that this matter has been channeled into our pre-trial diversion program. Have you completed the requirements of this program?
6412093: Yes your honor, I have successfully fulfilled the requirements to install and maintain two hummingbird feeders adjacent to the FMA. The requirements include getting up in the dark at 6am and making sure the feeders haven’t frozen over and if they have I go outside in a robe and bring the feeders back into the kitchen and heat them up in warm water and then put them back outside.
Judge Woods: I assume you can provide documentation of your compliance?
6412093: I’d like to enter the following Exhibit into the Record. (picture submitted)
Lively: Judge, ROD condition #16,002 requires the Frog Mitigation Area Manager to correctly identify the native species assisted by their activities.
Judge Woods: Yes, that’s true. Mr. 6? Please identify the hummingbird in your picture.
6412093: Of course, no problem. Piece of cake. Everyone knows this. It’s easy to do. There are basically only two types of hummingbirds in the Pacific Northwest, the Rufous and the Annas. They are plainly distinct. Anyone can tell the difference, and this is a rufu-ann… annruf… Anna’s. I mean Rufous. It’s an Anna’s.
Lively: I object to this unclear answer, your honor.
Judge Woods: Let me tell you something, Lively. I had my own run-ins with the Grammar Police when I was serving on the bench in the criminal court. They claimed that my sentences were much too long. So I am going to side with the defendant here and rule that his response is adequate. Court Adjourned!
AFTERWORD: I am gratified to finally take a pic of a hummingbird. I’ve been a little jealous of you all who have published hummingbird pictures over the years. Finally I noticed a hummingbird hanging out in my Bartlett pear tree in November, so I put out a feeder there, just a few feet from an bench in my back yard. I waited on the bench, camera ready, and hey! There it is! So I found a fossil in my backyard and took a hummingbird picture in the same week. How cool was that?
"Spotlight on Green News & Views" will be posted every Saturday at 5pm Pacific Time and every Wednesday at 3:30 Pacific Time on the Daily Kos front page. Be sure to recommend and comment in the diary.
*******
|
Now It's Your Turn
What have you noted happening in your area or travels? As usual post your observations as well as their general location in the comments.