Another day, another doctor’s visit. They are scheduled in blocks, as if patients had precut amounts of pain or illness, as if patients had 15 minutes of questions (or 30 max). So doctors are forever trying to squish our visits down to four minutes, which gives them a full 10 minutes wiggle room for the next patient. And we’re not stupid – we can see the pressure on their faces as they type furiously into the computers which are required in every exam room. They are under the gun; they must remember a ten digit code for this, that and the other; they must remember to get us to sign each and every required form so that their corporate masters will not have their asses hanging out in the courtrooms.
And oh, those forms! The receptionist hands them to me with almost an apologetic glance. “This is what doctors are requiring patients to complete each year – and you seem to be due.” Which is not true, because I filled one out three months ago. What they’re not telling you is they want you to sign away your legal chance of holding them responsible, and they want you to do it over and over. And this time, yes, at the end of the session, my doctor sits down with the new standard pain medicine contract, the one that stipulates that you are aware of oh so many things. The one I am remembering today was the statement about being pain-free. “Patient acknowledges that the treatment goal is not to be pain-free, but to be more functional.” Now why do they put that in? Why is it that doctors who are treating you for pain want you to sign away any hope of having the medicine actually give you back your life? (No, not the doctors – the corporate masters – it’s different.) Why is it that they not only refuse to guarantee (that’s understandable – nobody knows how well things work), but insist that in order to get the medicine, you must agree that it will not make you pain-free! Where did our medical system get so twisted up??
And of course I had to agree, to that and to everything else including random urine tests and promising never to touch a drop of alcohol. But those two weren’t as difficult as agreeing to not actually get what I came for – relief from pain. I can almost guarantee that none of these doctors or nurses have had the kind of chronic pain that I’ve suffered in the last four years, have never spent every waking moment with pain that shoots along my spine or clenches my muscles, making me zombie-clumsy. And wakes me over and over at night, pain breaking through the medicine I take for sleep, interrupting the very sleep that is necessary for my body to heal. Of course I had to agree, smiling and nodding and saying that all I really want is to be more functional than I am when the pain drives me to the couch. And what if I said to them that my dearest desire right now was to actually be pain-free? To actually have a day – a full day – where all my muscles worked without screaming at me, where the joints and bones of my body did not feel like I’ve fallen into a nettle bush. I have had blessed moments where, for some unknown reason (ie: not after I’ve taken a pill), all of the pain lifted at once, and I was floating – not high on drugs, but free for a few minutes of the constant alarm that jangles through my body. It is a little like having a fire alarm constantly going off – you know how hard it is to ignore that – and finally for five minutes it goes silent. But picture that as an alarm that also sends knives into your body – how much of a relief it is when those knives stop!
And why is it that the corporate masters have focused on the aim of convincing us we do not have the right to a pain-free body? I hate to say that I know why – it would be too costly, it would be too risky and they are there to make a profit, not to worry about us healing. The bean counters who make so much money that they could individually fund a pain study are more focused on making sure they don’t lose their money when somebody driven mad by pain takes a little bit too much and ends up dead. A medical system that has figured out how to replace most of the major organs in the body cannot figure out how to turn off pain without crippling somebody? Why is that hard for me to believe? Besides my own experience, I have heard horror stories from others in chronic pain, people with illnesses or injuries that will never heal – and all of us are now being made to sign papers and pee into cups and reassure our corporate masters that we will be happy with our little scraps of pain relief, and we will not complain because that might cut off our pain med supply. (And BTW, I personally take a very low dosage and use every other avenue I can afford, because pain medications depress the creative mental functions first.)
So I just want to say here, to all of you whose lives are not in escrow to the medical system, that there is a problem, and that those of us who are in pain do not dare raise our voices in protest – so we need you to complain on our part to the system that is now turning away from us, telling us that we cannot even question why pain relief has such a low priority, why we are considered to be proto-addicts when we say the medication is not quite doing the job. We need you who are not in pain, who do not take these medications, to speak out in our behalf to the system that is ignoring pain relief studies. Do you know there is not a single study – not one! – about the long-term benefits of opioid pain medicines for chronic pain? They have done studies about the harms but have never tested the medication benefits past six weeks! This is according to the CDC, who should know. And this CDC is issuing guidelines, without these studies, and with what they themselves call “low-grade data”. I don’t object to them wanting to warn people against dangers. I do object to them not immediately insisting on several long-term studies into chronic pain and the medications and processes that help. Why are there not more studies about how massage might help chronic low back pain? Perhaps it is because the corporate masters do not want to pay for massage? What is the relative effectiveness of opioids versus herbs or even medical marijuana? We need you to ask these questions, because when we do, we are labeled “drug seeking”. And it will be for your benefit, because unless you die suddenly while young, you will eventually have chronic pain. It is a part of getting old, but it is also part of being overworked in this culture, of having repetitive strain injuries, of sitting too long in chairs at desk jobs. Ask now before you need this medication because once you have to take it, you ask questions at your own risk.
Thank you for reading, and bless you for speaking out.