From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Scientists: “We’re not f**king with you!”
Jimmy Kimmel’s terrific takedown of Sarah Palin, James Inhofe and other right-wing dim bulbs on climate change, with an assist from some scientists who have had enough of their shit:
And nice of Jimmy to promote Globalchange.gov at the end. It’s the site for the U.S. Global Change Research Program, which “coordinates and integrates federal research on changes in the global environment and their implications for society.” It was created in 1989. By Republican President George H.W. Bush. Or as today’s unhinged GOP would call him: RINO!!!
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, May 11, 2016
Note: Fiddleheads are neither fiddles nor heads. Discuss.
-
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the new Harry Potter book comes out: 81
Days 'til the California Strawberry Festival in Oxnard: 10
Percent of Republicans who would rather Obama/Clinton fill the vacant Supreme Court seat instead of Trump, according to PPP polling: 29%
Number of states (including D.C.) that allow medical marijuana: 24
Rank of Emma, Olivia and Sophia among most popular baby girl names in 2015: #1, #2, #3
Rank of Noah, Liam and Mason among baby boy names: #1, #2, #3
(Source: Social Security Administration, but wouldn't it make more sense to delegate that to the Department of Labor?)
Average price per pound of log-grown shitake mushrooms in New England, according to AP: $16-$20
-
Mid-week Rapture Index:
181 (including 4 volcanoes and another idiot evangelist blaming the weather on pro-LGBT rights laws). Soul Protection Factor 12 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
-
Puppy Pic of the Day:
Yearbook besties
-
CHEERS to going where no POTUS has gone before. Barack Obama is the first sitting American president to visit a federal prison, the first to visit the Arctic, the first to visit Kenya, the first to visit Cuba since the embargo, and soon he'll be the first to visit a former hellscape in Japan:
President Obama will promote his vision of a nuclear weapons-free world by becoming the first sitting U.S. president to visit Hiroshima, Japan, since the atomic bomb attack of 1945, the White House announced Tuesday.
Obama and Japan Prime Minister Shinzo Abe will make the May 27 visit "to highlight his continued commitment to pursuing the peace and security of a world without nuclear weapons," White House spokesman Josh Earnest said. The Hiroshima event caps a week-long presidential trip to Vietnam and Japan, with the latter country hosting a Group of Seven nations economic summit. […]
The White House said Obama will visit Hiroshima Peace Memorial Park, a large open space that includes a museum and the skeleton of a building that somehow survived the atomic blast seven decades ago.
I'm happy that this finally happened 71 years later. I'm sad that this didn't finally happen until 71 years later.
CHEERS to feelin' the Bern…Mountain State edition. Voters in West Virginia decided last night that Bernie Sanders was their overall choice for the Democratic presidential nomination. The final vote was 51 percent for him and 36 for Hillary Clinton. That slides a handful of delegates into his column, but still leaves him with a lot of lost ground to make up for. Still, it's still nice to see his name in the win column once more, because in less than a month the 2016 primary season will reside only in the history books. Up next six days from now: Kentucky (61 delegates) and Oregon (74 delegates). Or as they're better known: the Bluegrass State and the Blue Dream State.
CHEERS to fuzzy math. Well, at least fuzzy mathematicians. Einstein's theory of relativity ("The Foundation of the General Theory of Relativity" to be precise) was presented 100 years ago today in front of the Prussian Academy of Sciences. His later words:
"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity."
Or sit with a member of the tea party caucus for a second and it seems like forever. THAT'S eternity.
JEERS to whipping out the "S" word. Wow---I think her husband elbowed her in the head harder than I thought, because yesterday Heidi Cruz went to a place she should not go (well, besides down into Ted's triple-deadbolt-locked chunky soup cellar):
Drawing a parallel between the long-term efforts of her husband's supporters and the fight to end slavery, Heidi Cruz said Tuesday that it took "a lot longer than four years" for the latter fight to be successful. […]
“I don’t want you to feel like any of this was in vain," Heidi Cruz said. "I believe in the power of prayer. This doesn’t always happen on the timing of man, and God does not work in four-year segments."
"Be full of faith and so full of joy that this team was chosen to fight a long battle," she continued. "Think that slavery---it took 25 years to defeat slavery. That is a lot longer than four years."
Actually, Heidi, it took 89 years for the United States to defeat slavery. But, golly, we take your point, we really do. And we look forward to Ted completing his own, um, “slavery-like journey” culminating in the Oath of Office when he's---[Pulls out calculator] [Clackity clackity clack]---134 years old. Shouldn’t be a problem for him---we hear Lucifer never ages.
JEERS to occupational sabotage. Down the turnpike a bit, in Old Orchard, the town fire chief was arrested recently. The charge: arson. Investigators say Ricky Plummer (great porn name, by the way) started a blaze in April that torched 42 acres and required a hundred firefighters (including him, I presume) to put out. But in an interview with fire investigators, Chief Plummer (another great porn name) said no, no, no, you don’t understand…
[He] denied doing so intentionally, saying he discarded a cigarette butt in dry, chest-high marsh grass, according to documents filed in Springvale District Court.
But fire investigators found no evidence of a discarded cigarette or smoking materials in the area where the wildfire began, and no one close to Plummer could confirm ever seeing him smoke before---he even told investigators that he doesn’t like smoking, doesn’t like the taste and does not inhale.
According to the report, they spent the remainder of the interview putting his pants out.
-
Ten years ago in C&J: May 11, 2006
WHATEVER to coming up short. Professional carny David Blaine's latest publicity stunt was a failure. He tried to break the record for most time spent in a bubble but wimped out for some silly reason like imminent death (meanwhile, the president's own endurance record is nearing the 5½ year mark). Blaine promises to return soon to attempt an even riskier stunt: quail hunting with the vice president.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to merry meetups. I'm grateful for many things in life. The top 5, in order: my partner Michael, ice cream, municipal drainage systems, the fez, and May 11, 1969. That's the day that John Cleese and Graham Chapman met Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, and Michael Palin, and began plotting their collective assault on British stiff-upperlippyness, which debuted a few months later as Monty Python's Flying Circus. For your viewing pleasure:
The Ministry of Silly Walks
The Dead Parrot Sketch
"Doctor, my brain hurts!"
Upper Class Twit of the Year
And...Spam! (Which, coincidentally, was trademarked by Hormel on this date in 1937.) The 45 episodes they produced---especially seasons one through three---are as sacred as the holy grail they later immortalized on the big screen. Later, in The Meaning of Life, they were positively prescient about the way the financial collapse of '08 would play out. Today in their honor, all clothes will be moved to the lower peg.
Oh, and 35 years ago today, Bob Marley died much too young at 36. New evidence is emerging that he, in fact, shot the deputy, not the sheriff. But why quibble? Let's get together and feel alright, anyway. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
“There’s an epic kiddie pool battle happening inside this Cheers and Jeers lava lamp.”
---Gizmodo
-