Not my mother. She died in 1963, shortly after I graduated from high school. It is doubtful she would have lived for this election, since she was born in November 1915. I have no doubt that she would, were she alive, be an enthusiastic supporter of Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton.
The title I have put in quotes appears as the title of of this op ed in today’s New York Times. The author is Elizabeth Word Gutting, who is described as a writer living in Washington DC, just across the Potomac River from where I write this in Arlington Virginia.
She describes her mother’s path through life — losing her first husband when she had a child (the older brother of the author) who was less than a year old.
This was the 1970s, and some of what her mother encountered was having her auto insurance canceled, losing the opportunity for a job for which she was well-qualified to a man because he had a wife and child to support (as if her being a single mom and sole support to two people did not matter). She even had trouble buying a couch on time, because the store insisted on knowing her husband’s income — eventually she had to provide the income of her dead husband — and then the store provided the loan to buy the couch!
The author follows the description of what her mother lived through with the following:
Recently my mom and I were talking on the phone, and I asked her how she was feeling about the election.
“I always feel good about Hillary,” she replied.
For the first time in her life, my mom sees someone who can directly relate to her own experiences in a strong position to become president. Mrs. Clinton has led so many charges during her political career that have supported women, including fighting relentlessly for reproductive rights and speaking up for women and girls worldwide when she was secretary of state.
There is still more to the column. But first I will offer a few words of my own
For many women, particularly those who have lived through such indignities in their own lives, they react viscerally to some of the attacks upon Mrs. Clinton. It brings back the indignities they have had to put up with, it reminds them of some of the misogyny that has been part of their own experience, or of women who mattered to them.
The author talks about how her mother went on, including meeting the man who is her own father, with whom she built a family that included three more children and the loving support of a husband that allowed her to return and fulfill her education, including graduate school.
I think of what my mother went through as a female lawyer. I think of the mothers of my high school classmates who despite brilliant minds and superb education were in the 1950s and early 1960s largely limited to things like the PTA and other service organizations where they volunteered, and perhaps led, but were not paid.
Yes, the mother of one friend worked at the United Nations, and she was our cub scout Den Mother, which is why our Den participated in a trial effort to raise money for part of the UN: we were part of the very first group to go out on Halloween and collect money for UNICEF, which we often had to explain. We had our empty half pint milk cartons, with an orange sticker around them. It was new, we got nickels and dimes and quarter, and most of us came back with our cartons full.
But I think of something else. In my own case it was my wife who supported me so that I could leave work and go become a teacher. It is my wife who makes the larger income. It is through my wife that we have our excellent health insurance.
My wife has benefited from the advances women as a whole have gained. But she is also aware of the residual sexism and more that is part of our society. She is also a strong supporter of Secretary Clinton, albeit for somewhat different reasons than am I.
Returning to the op ed, in writing about this piece I am not attacking anyone. I am sharing something I think might help some people explain why some people so strongly support Mrs. Clinton, how it is wrong to think that support is not enthusiastic, just because they do not show up at rallies.
One key paragraph by Gutting reads as follows:
Political decisions and opinions are personal and emotional — maybe more so than they are ever practical. Our identities are tied up in our choice of candidate in any given election cycle. This person represents me. It’s never been a question that Mrs. Clinton would be my chosen candidate. For me, it’s not just that she’s a woman who fights for women. It’s her giant heap of experience in governing — a heap so much higher than any other candidate’s.
Like her mother, she is a strong supporter of Mrs. Clinton. Her reasons may be somewhat different. Please note the words “it’s not just that she’s a woman” — and unlike some women in public life, Mrs. Clinton’s life public life has always included fighting for woman and their issues, because those issue affect us all. To that end, I suggest also reading another op ed today, this by Mrs. Clinton in The Washington Post, titled Hillary Clinton: Child care now costs more than rent. Here’s how to fix this crisis.
It is, however, the next paragraph by Gutting that persuaded me I wanted to be sure people saw her op ed. Here it is:
And yes, I also love that she is always the last woman standing. She has survived ceaseless attacks. It must get very tiring, and yet she never flags. She has been called a bitch and a witch and characterized as Lady Macbeth. She’s shrill, she shouts, she barks. She’s uninspiring, she’s unlikable and she’s not exciting the base. Sometimes I think that many people in this country are still scared to see a powerful woman. But I am more ready for her than ever.
Read again the final two sentences of that paragraph:
Sometimes I think that many people in this country are still scared to see a powerful woman. But I am more ready for her than ever.
“scared to see a powerful woman”
That is of course not true of all who oppose Mrs. Clinton, but it surely shapes a lot of the nastiness that has been put out against her.
There are three paragraphs left in Gutting’s piece, decreasing in length. I am going to push fair use and offer them one at a time, with a little additional commentary:
In the years when my mom was a single mother, people commented on her lifestyle with alarming frequency. Why wasn’t she living with her parents, they wanted to know. Wasn’t she worried that if she didn’t marry again soon, her son would grow up to be gay? Her landlord came over after her husband died, hemming and hawing, saying how sorry she was, but also that she was hoping my mom might move out to be closer to family, which would probably be better for everyone.
Perhaps one way younger women might find a connection with those that have gone before them is to realize two things. One, it is in part because of those going before who fought back at such attitudes that younger women today have more choices. Two, if you pay attention, there are still many people who really are bothered by women who don’t fit their notions of what a proper role — and lifestyle — is for a woman. We still see this on matters of birth control and choice. We saw it on tv when a news anchor told a female weather person to cover up. We see it in continued pay inequity.
Well. My mother persevered. She smiled politely and bit her tongue and did what she had to do to survive those rough years.
Which was what many women experienced, whether married, single mom, totally single. Which is what still too many women experience.
But they find ways of surviving, sometimes even thriving.
Keep that in mind as you read the final words Gutting offers, and perhaps then you will begin to understand how strongly some women — and at least a few men — support Hillary Rodham Diane Clinton:
Remind you of anyone?