From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
They'll Be Brief. Very Brief.
The annual Webby Awards---”honoring excellence on the internet”---were handed out earlier this month, and one the things I appreciate most about them is that their acceptance speeches are limited to just five words. (I think the orchestra starts playing 'em off after word #3.) Here are some of the best of 2016's batch:
"Stay turnt! Black lives matter."
---Black Lives Matter (Social Movement of the Year)
"Racist trolls, you can't hide."
---W3haus
"Rockin' and rovin' on Mars."
---NASA/JPL
"We got FLOTUS to rap."
---College Humor
"Beat cancer, got a Webby."
---Natalie Sun
"The internet adds 10 pixels."
---Hollywood Reporter
"News doesn't have to suck."
---Reuters TV
"Thank you Donald Trump...asshole."
---The Simpsons
"Won't you be our neighbor?"
---PBS Kids
"Goats just wanna have fun."
---Goats of Anarchy
Eat yer heart out, haiku.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, May 23, 2016
Note: Due to a 4-4 split over irises vs. lupines, the Supreme Court garden will remain a pitiful expanse of weed-infested dirt this year. That story plus Chet at the sports desk tonight at 11 on NewsCenter.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til primaries in the U.S. Virgin Islands and Puerto Rico: 12/13
Days 'til the National Spelling Bee: 3
Average global temperature in April, an increase of 2 degrees from the 20th century average, according to NOAA: 58.7
Estimated number of Mainers who will benefit under President Obama's new overtime rule, according to the Labor Dept.: 16,000
Expected number of passengers who will be traveling on U.S. airlines this summer, an increase of 4% according to the trade group Airlines for America: 231 million
Speed at which the tip of a 1/3-inch hour hand on a wristwatch travels: 0.00000275 mph
Speed at which Ann Coulter's latest book is moving: 0.00000275 mph
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NEW Monday feature: "Meet Me in St. Louis!"
Brought to you by the 2016 Netroots Nation Convention in St. Louis, July 14-17. Don’t forget that they're offering a special Daily Kos discount of $50 off the registration fee. When you go to the page, just pick the registration level you want and then click "Apply" at the bottom where you see the promo code DAILY KOS. Click here to claim your discount. Offer ends next Thursday. As for today's tidbit, we're reposting a comment from Kossack phein53 from last week:
The best things in St. Louis are free! And not too far from the Convention Center:
Pulitzer Arts Foundation and the St. Louis Contemporary Art Museum are on Washington (3700 block), and are open ‘til 5 on Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday, and 8 pm on Thursday and Friday. Weather permitting, they project various exhibits onto the outside walls of the CAM in the evening. The Pulitzer specializes in immersive experience. Two blocks north of SLU, if you’re staying around there.
St. Louis Zoo, St. Louis Art Museum: Both in Forest Park, accessible via MetroLink. The Art Museum is open until 5, 9 on Fridays. The Zoo is open 9-5, seven days a week.
Thanks for the tips!
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Puppy Pic of the Day:
A sure sign of summer---the French bulldogs are emerging from their watermelons...
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CHEERS to POTUS in motion. Barack Obama strapped on Jetpack One over the weekend and rocketed over to Asia to set for a spell with various world leaders. First stop: our old frenemy…
According to the American media, President Obama must bring up the hard truths about Vietnam: they have serious issues with elections, women's rights, police brutality, religion and a horrible prison system. And according to the Vietnamese media, President Trần Đại Quang must bring up the hard truths about America: we have serious issues with elections, women's rights, religion, police brutality and a horrible prison system. But more important, I hope Obama remembers to bring me back a snow globe from the gift shop.
JEERS to the light at the end of the dog 'n pony show. Late Friday afternoon on Meet the Press Daily, Rep. Trey Gowdy said that the final report from the latest (Seventh? Eighth?) Benghazi investigation will be released next month, just in time to provide lots of ginned-up bullshit ammo for the spittle-flecked GOP convention speeches. And he's making promises:
"I'm not only going to lay out a report, Chuck.
I'm going to give you the transcripts. You're going to look at the exhibits. So you don't have to take my word for it. I don't want you to take my word for it.
I want you to read it for yourself and you can draw whatever conclusions you want to draw."
That’s a pretty fucking milquetoast statement. Let me translate: there will be nothing in it that all the previous Republican-led investigations didn’t already cover, and this will officially end yet another failed GOP slime campaign against Hillary Clinton. Until the next one. Set your watches for…about five seconds from now.
CHEERS to Victoria Day (Canada). Once again, the bottom half of May rolls around and my wall calendar starts screaming at me, "Victoria Day (Canada)! Victoria Day (Canada)!" And every year I ignore it because, sorry Justin, I just don’t consider Victoria Day (Canada) to be the equivalent of holiday wacky tobaccy. But, whatever---this year I'll take a puff:
Victoria Day celebrates Queen Victoria's birthday (May 24th).
Canada is still a member of the Commonwealth of Nations, of which the Queen is head. Victoria Day is always on a Monday; thus the holiday is part of a long weekend, which is commonly referred to as the Victoria Day Weekend, the May Long Weekend, the May Long, or the May Two-Four (a case of beer in some parts of Canada is called a "two-four" and many of these are consumed over the holiday). The weekend is also called the May 24th weekend, although it does not necessarily fall on May 24th. The Victoria Day Weekend is the first popular weekend for spring/summer travel.
All I can say is: thank god it's finally here. I was getting so freaking sick of the radio stations and their 24/7 Victoria Day carol marathons. ("Jingle Molsons" AGAIN?!!!)
CHEERS to taking a bad guy out of contention. After President George W. Bush failed to keep America safe by allowing the attacks of 9/11 (or as Donald Trump calls them, the attacks of 7-11) to happen, the #2 name in evil---after Osama bin Laden---was Mullah Omar, the rat bastard head of the Taliban. He died a few years back and was replaced by the equally sour man Mullah Mansour. And now he's going to need his own replacement:
Taliban leader Mullah Akhtar Mohammad Mansour was likely killed in an airstrike in Pakistan on Saturday, two U.S. officials told CNN. […]
"Mansour has been the leader of the Taliban and actively involved with planning attacks against facilities in Kabul and across Afghanistan, presenting a threat to Afghan civilians and security forces, our personnel, and coalition partners," Pentagon Press Secretary Peter Cook said in the statement.
"Mansour has been an obstacle to peace and reconciliation between the government of Afghanistan and the Taliban, prohibiting Taliban leaders from participating in peace talks with the Afghan government that could lead to an end to the conflict."
I would like to say that Mansour's death will bring about lasting peace and harmony in the region, but something prevents me from getting my hopes up: I can see the unicorns are still wearing their Kevlar vests.
JEERS to out-mad-scientisting the mad scientists. Never let it be said that the anti-abortion crowd isn’t on top of the dangers lurking behind America's corners:
A questionnaire that [Kansas For Life’s] political action committee sent out to legislative candidates this month asks candidates whether they oppose human cloning and the creation of human-animal hybrids, which the group refers to as chimeras.
The questionnaire is a way to show candidates “the range of the kinds of things that the pro-life movement is interested in,” said Kathy Ostrowski, the group’s legislative director. That includes cloning and genetic research that uses cells from more than one species.
“Am I aware of it happening (in Kansas)? At this moment, no. But does that mean it’s not happening somewhere? I can’t tell you that,” she said.
Also: never let it be said that the anti-abortion crowd's hats aren't screwed on too tight.
CHEERS to the end of the road. On May 23, 1934, bank robbers Bonnie and Clyde were caught in a police ambush as they tried to escape in a Ford Fordor Deluxe Sedan near Bienville Parish, Louisiana. Over 130 bullets were pumped into the car, turning it into a piece of metal Swiss cheese. Figures...one day after the warranty expired.
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Ten years ago in C&J: May 23, 2006
JEERS to Mr. Freeze. Rep. William Jefferson (D-LA) must R-E-S-I-G-N. Why? Because last time we checked, Stouffer's didn't sell frozen dinners containing $90,000 in marked bills. (Although their Salisbury steak ain't half bad.)
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And just one more…
JEERS to GBCW'ing this popsicle stand…for real. Kossack jbou had a deliriously strange mind that turned cynicism into gonzo (as one Kossack put it: "funny as hell and sometimes challenging") humor, and to try and encapsulate it beyond that would be futile. jbou---no, spellchecker, I DON'T want to capitalize the j, thank you---died a couple weeks ago. As with the recent passing of triciawyse the pootie queen, the site isn’t quite the same without his posts. They packed a lot of unvarnished wit into their brevity. A few from the jbou archives:
There is a toy car with a camera on it driving around Mars right now. Funny how I can say that and not even be crazy.
Television disappointed me after I grew up and moved to the city and it turned out none of my neighbors were Muppets.
I've had many ups and downs in my life. Okay, mostly downs, but when I had ups I was usually high as a fucking kite. What was the question?
One day, everything will be wireless. Tell a telephone pole your true feelings before it's too late.
The first guy to fertilize a field with manure was probably up to some kind of sick revenge nonsense that completely backfired.
It's all about perception. For example: The lobsters in the kitchen on the Titanic were giddy when the ship sank.
'Hard work pays off son,' he said while they watched as the owner of grumpy cat raked in a cool $100 million.
The Bible is Christianity’s Terms of Service. Nobody actually reads it, but as long as You agree to everything in it, You can use the Heaven app.
Here at C&J we don’t plan to let jbou's online voice go down the memory hole, so you can count on seeing his greatest hits pop up here from time to time. Our condolences to his friends and family. The world's a little less weird without jbou. And, yes, we filed that last sentence in the cosmos’s "complaints" bin.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial Warning:
Researchers at the University of Florida examined the DNA of three reptiles pulled out of the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool and found that they were invasive Nile crocodiles, and that they were probably related.
---The Washington Post
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