OK, so this is now my second story concerning The Unitarian Universalist Association’s General Assembly just past in Columbus, Ohio...where I represented my small UU congregation in North Carolina as one of 4,000 Delegates to the General Assembly.
As I said in the first Diary, far too many things happened at General Assembly to put it all into one Diary and do it any justice, so in this Diary, I will speak about the one negative experience I had while in Columbus, Ohio...and which ended up being turned into THREE separate positive experiences! I am telling you the transformative power I felt at this GA was incredible, awesome, and unlike anything I have ever before felt in my life!
So...some background first. As is clear from previous writings and from the title picture in this Diary, I am a Transgender Tarheel™ — I LIVE in North Carolina...where we have stupid bathroom bill. I have NEVER ONCE been challenged in North Carolina in a ladies bathroom...not before HB-2 and not after. In fact, I have rarely EVER been challenged anywhere...and certainly not since HB-2 passed in North Carolina.
So, I go to Ohio. Where they do NOT have stupid bathroom bill. I go to Columbus...arguably Ohio’s most-progressive city for LGBTIQ people (not saying much, it IS still Ohio...but it’s there, right?) I go to UUA General Assembly...the one place I am supposed to feel completely safe, validated, loved, cherished and supported, right?
AND I GOT CHALLENGED IN THE LADIES’ BATHROOM!! Not by anyone affiliated with the UUA, or with General Assembly, or any UU...but a female employee of the Greater Columbus Convention Center! This happened on Saturday, June 25...the day after I faced down Westboro Baptist Church, wearing my angel wings...and happened IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING my presentation of the Action Of Immediate Witness which had been my entire purpose if coming to General Assembly in the first place. I was operating on about two hours of sleep, and just finished speaking very emotionally to 4,000 of my fellow Delegates in support of the AIW.
I had brought my birth certificate with me to Ohio...because it is always in my purse now, here in North Carolina, though I never ONCE have had to use it here. I did not have it with me when this happened, I had left my purse on my seat in the Plenary Hall that I might have my seat when I had returned from what I had thought was nothing more than a simple trip to relieve my bladder. And this very thing occurred, totally pointing to the need for my Action of Immediate Witness!
As I began to walk into the ladies, my way was blocked by this female employee of the GCCC, who refused me entry and began to misgender me (which by the way is an act of violence against transgender people) I am not proud of my immediate reaction. I can only chalk it up to operating on two hours of sleep, having just presented my AIW on this very issue...and the utter SHOCK of being finally challenged in a ladies bathroom...in the one place I never expected it...AT THE UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST ASSOCIATION’S GENERAL ASSEMBLY!! In a state that does not even HAVE stupid bathroom bill!
This happened in front of about twelve of my fellow UU’s, mostly women. and when my access was blocked and I was misgendered, I lost it. I began shouting at the employee...telling her I had a birth certificate saying I was female...that I was nearly fourteen years post-op, and that she needed to get out of my way. She would not. the UU’s who witnessed this...began to try to correct this employee, telling her that she was misgendering me...and that I had every right to be in that bathroom...but the employee still refused to allow me in and continued to block my access.
This is happening right outside the Plenary Hall, and our little shouting match is becoming quite the kerfluffle — as we UU’s like to say. Some of the onlookers are now scurrying around to find the brass of the Greater Columbus Convention Center. Others are scurrying to find our Chaplains. Still others are scurrying to find people with our Right Relations team...and still others are standing with me...and continuing to argue with this employee.
One of them asked me if I was okay...by this time, I was standing silent and allowing my fellow UU’s to argue on my behalf, and, though I very badly had to go to the bathroom, I had ceased my attempts to enter the ladies room. I told her, yes, I was okay, but that I still needed to go to the bathroom very badly.
What happened next made me proud to be a Unitarian Universalist: Four of the women surrounded me, one took my hand and said, “Come on, honey...let’s go to the bathroom.” They escorted me into the bathroom and would not PERMIT the employee of the Columbus Convention Center to impede me. Ordinarily, being escorted into the ladies as if I were a little child would have been insulting, but I understood what these wonderful women were doing.
They stood with me — they refused to allow me to be harassed, molested, questioned in any way...while I went into a stall and took care of Nature’s business. then they again surrounded me as we exited the ladies’ room, again refusing to allow this employee to molest me in any way.
By the time I got out of the bathroom, Right Relations and the Chaplains had arrived. For those not UU...the Right Relations Team works very hard to get people back into “right relationship” after an incident such as what had just occurred, where feelings were very badly hurt. And they did an incredible job! They turned what had started out as a very negative experience into a positive on an many levels...as did the women who had escorted me into the ladies’ room.
We had a meeting with the brass of the Greater Columbus Convention Center, our Chaplains, our Right Relationship Team, the employee in question, and myself. I was allowed to give them a condensed version of twenty years of pain I have suffered, and why what was done to me had hurt me so badly.
The employee apologized for what she had done, but added that she did not feel she had done anything that I should have been upset about! Well...because I was there and trying to get into “right relationship” and because I was trying to use this as a teaching moment for the Convention Center staff...I bit down on what my Southern Belle heart WANTED to say to this woman, “Well, bless your sweet heart!” and instead just accepted what apology that woman felt she was able to give, Meanwhile, gears were grinding in my thorax, if you can imagine…
Later, we got word back from the brass of the Greater Columbus Convention Center that...of all the things that had ever gone horribly wrong at conventions they had hosted in the past (and anyone who has been involved in convention planning knows that something like this happens at almost every convention) that THIS situation had been handled with the most kindness, graciousness and love they had ever seen.
This tells me what I need to know. It will NEVER happen again at GCCC. You see, we UU’s are now gone from Columbus. Other conventions will come. Those conventions will have gender non-conforming attendees. THEY will not have to endure what I did. So...as crappy as it was that this happened to me...I am glad it was ME that it happened to, for I was well-equipped to speak to it...and had the backup and support of the Right Relations Team and our wonderful Chaplains.
And I KNOW the UUA was very concerned about what had happened to me...so much so that the Moderator, Jim Key himself...requested to speak with me and make sure I was okay.
Below is footage of a Delegate from the floor of the Plenary the next morning...speaking to what had happened to me...and her own experiences as the wife of a genderfluid partner. The video does not seem to be cuing up correctly anymore, not sure why...Cue up to 1:03:41 for where I wanted this to cue up at.
Now...here’s the other two positive things that occurred out of this:
1. As much as we LOVE the support we are getting from outside of North Carolina, as we fight HB-2 here...and as much as we sincerely hope and pray you will not forget about us as soon as our Legislature concludes business for this session...I want to tell ALL of you...do not care so much about us that you forget to watch your own gardens, because they are coming for you!
2. The response of the women who led me into the bathroom and who REFUSED to allow me to be harassed, molested, or otherwise interfered with...showed me a way forward in fighting North Carolina’s stupid bathroom bill. We need genetic women who will stand with us transgender women. Who will go into bathrooms with us...lovingly. who will stand with us and REFUSE to allow us to be harassed, molested, intimidated or interfered with. Preferably we need transwoman who do NOT have the birth certificate documentation that I do...and we need transwomen who do not enjoy “passing privilege.” And we need our women allies who are genetically women to stand with us as I was stood with. And it must be done with love. We can win this thing in the court of public opinion. We can make the North Carolina General Assembly look as mean, narrow-minded and as stupid and hateful as they are! None of this sending transwomen into men’s bathrooms with cards saying they are just following the law...HELL NO...we need these transwomen (WHO ARE WOMEN no matter who says what about it) to be using the ladies restroom, and, if necessary, with the loving support of our female allies.