From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Thursday Morning at the Flickers
Tuesday was supposed to be economy night at the convention, but all they could squeeze in was three hours of trial-by-mob for Hillary Clinton, with repeated chants of "Lock! Her! Up!" (for what, again?) and Dr. Stabby revealing the news---shocking to no one in the arena---that the Democratic nominee is a disciple of Lucifer. So, in the interest of humanity, here's a Democratic primer on Republican economics, circa 1912, which is believed to be the very first motion picture political ad:
This film portrays Republican William Howard Taft as a mouthpiece for special interest groups and Woodrow Wilson as a champion of working class citizens aspiring to the ranks of business owners. In 1912, large trusts and corporations were amassing power and exerting their influence over Americans' private lives. This made financial regulation a major platform issue for the candidate. Likewise, financial regulation remains a topic of political debate to this day. "The over-the-top comic approach of the film suggests that the success of those who already have wealth will somehow trickle down through better wages for workers is a joke," [Trygve Throntveit, US historian and Wilson scholar] said.
104 years later, Republicans are still trying to screw us. Only now they’re doing it in color.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, July 21, 2016
Note: we cede today's note space to legendary congressman John Dingell:
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til President Obama's 55th birthday: 14
Days 'til the Olathe Sweet Corn Festival in Colorado: 16
Weekly unemployment claims last week, lower than forecast and the 71st week under 300k: 254,000
Percent chance that average mileage standards for U.S. cars are still on track to reach 54.5 mpg by 2025, according to EPA: 100%
Factor by which male drivers are more likely than female drivers to get out of their car and confront another driver at a level considered "road rage" according to the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety: 3x
Percent chance that the incumbent party will win a presidential election if stocks are higher in the months preceding the election, according to historical trends via Bloomberg: 86%
Percent chance that when a Republican running for office says "That's a debate I want to have," it really means "I have no intention of having that debate": 99% (Source: BiPM Center for Behavioral Studies)
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Stephen Colbert, correspondent for "The Daily Show," the only news program to watch during the [2004] Republican convention, found the theme of this convention like a homing pigeon: "Unmitigated gall."
This convention alone would be enough to convince me that John Edwards is right about "two Americas," except I don't think he's gone far enough. These folks are in from another planet. They're living in an alternative reality. When is a fact a fact to these people? When did anyone ever find evidence Saddam Hussein had dog to do with Sept. 11? […]
The party platform, written in large part by Phyllis Schafly and her Eagle Forum, condemns stem cell research, women's right to decide whether to bear a child under any circumstances, and gay people. Just as a historical curiosity, I present the fact that at the Republican Convention in New Orleans in 1988, Mrs. Schafly gave a party with the theme "Let the Good Times Roll," thus proving the enduring role of irony at political conventions.
The real theme of the convention is "George Bush Makes Us Safer," as dubious a proposition as Madonna's virginity.
---September, 2004
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Comfy couch
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CHEERS to the blessed end of the Shit Show. It all comes down to this, kids. After last night's embarrassment of rhetorical vapidity and gross dishonesty on the part of every single speaker (not to mention Ted Cruz’s Trump snub, a sputtering jumbotron, and Newt Gingrich summing up this week in five words: “Every American should be terrified”), the final night of the convention promises a non-stop blur of balloons, elephant hats, beer hats, gun hats, Jesus hats, American flags being abused every which way, bobbing signs, and a wild and untethered display of mild enthusiasm. Tonight's theme is "Make America One Again," which I believe means one color---hint hint! Here's the BillyFact cheat sheet of the Thursday lineup:
Climate-change-denying Tennessee Congresswoman who also wants telcos to be able to slow down your internet speed unless you pay more…the Oklahoma governor who has signed 18 anti-abortion bills into law and never met a Ten Commandments statue she didn’t want to plunk on public property…
...an eye doctor who is the director of Trump's "diversity coalition," so she clearly has a lot of time on her hands…beleagured RNC chairman and writer of the Republican "pledge" that was designed to prevent Trump from running as an independent if he lost the nomination (talk about a faulty crystal ball)…the son of the evangelist who blamed Hurricane Katrina on the gays, feminists and pagans…
...a venture capitalist billionaire who killed Gawker out of spite…some real estate mogul who wants to sell you a bridge (or, barring that, a thin-skinned fraud for president)…Trump daughter #2…either uday or Qusay Trump, whichever one didn’t jibber-jabber last night…and Donald J. Trump, who will prove yet again that he's one of the worst prompter-reading candidates ever.
Here's tonight's drinking game: drink.
JEERS to the biggest hog in the pigsty. Now we know why the programming on Fox News is so bizarre and awful: CEO Roger Ailes apparently spends all his time thinking with the wrong head. For twenty years Fox has, at Ailes direction, promoted itself as the family values, real America, godlier-than-thou, traditional marriage, law-and-order network---a flag-waving bulwark against moral depravity and libertine slime. So this should come as a surprise to no one:
New York magazine is citing sources that say Fox News Channel founder and CEO Roger Ailes sexually harassed anchor Megyn Kelly. There is widespread speculation that Ailes is about to resign or be fired. […]
The bombshell hits less than two weeks after former WOIO Channel 19 and Fox anchor Gretchen Carlson filed a suit accusing Ailes of sexual harassment. Since then, six more women have accused Ailes of sexual harassment.
Kelly, one of the channel's biggest stars, has been absent from the Fox News defense of Ailes. New York's report suggests this is why. Several reports are saying the Murdoch family, which owns Fox News, has given Ailes the quit-or-be-fired ultimatum.
Ailes will reportedly get a $40 million severance deal, which will come in handy as he lawyers-up to defend his sicko self in court. If there's any karma in the universe, let him impose the harshest penalty possible: becoming Dennis Hastert's cellmate.
CHEERS to comeuppance. 42 years ago today, on July 21, 1974, the House Judiciary Committee approved two articles of impeachment against Richard "Okay, I Guess I'm A Crook After All" Nixon. That same day, he was giving a speech at a private home in Bel Air, California. Let's see... He talked about the host's fine tent. He talked about the struggle between Greece and Turkey. He talked about his trip to Egypt. He talked about some old administration officials. And then he toasted his audience with a fine whine:
"You wonder sometimes, and I am often asked, you know, how do you really take the burden of the Presidency, particularly when at times it seems to be under very, very grievous assault.
Let me say, it isn't new for it to be under assault, because since the time we came into office for 5 years, we have had problems.
There have been people marching around the White House when we were trying to bring the war to an end, and we have withstood that, and we will withstand the problems of the future."
He forgot to add four crucial words: "...for 19 more days." Silly goose.
CHEERS to watching bigots give themselves a swirlie. Time for a little update on the religious right's boycott of Target stores. You may recall that the retailer did the decent thing by formally announcing a transgender-friendly bathroom policy, which was followed by a "Flush Target" freakout by the Bible thumpers. (Some of them descended on their local stores to videotape their screeching as they were escorted out by security.) In May they confidently predicted that "With negative press like this, the stockholders over at Target ought to expect to see their stock drop even further. Target CEO Brian Cornell thinks he can merely wait it out." Yesterday Joe Jervis at the Joe My God blog peeked at Target's performance and, well…
Y'know, I think stories like this have helped me figure out the real reason why the second set of footsteps disappears in the sand when the haters are walking on the beach. I think it's because even God can only take so much bullshit before He heads back to the tiki hut.
JEERS to games people play. Let's check in and see how Pokemon Go is, um, going:
Driver slams into cop car while playing Pokemon Go
Pokemon Go player risks electrocution on SkyTrain tracks
Pokemon Go: Teenager shot and killed while searching for creatures in game
Pokemon Go player ticketed after running into middle of unlit street
Man Stabbed While Playing ‘Pokemon Go’ Continues Game
Coastguard called out to rescue Pokémon Go players chasing rare creature across lake
The latest Pokemon Go hazard: minefields
I can't wait 'til they release Grand Theft Auto Go. Fun for the whole armed and up-armored family!
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Ten years ago in C&J: July 21, 2006
JEERS to Bush at the NAACP. Pander, pander, pander. This was our favorite moment from yesterday's tone-deaf speech:
THE PRESIDENT: And I understand that many African Americans distrust my political party...
AUDIENCE: Yes! (Applause.)
(Applause)
(Applause)
[Break for lunch. Return from lunch.]
(Applause)
(Applause)
Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. I think he's still standing at the podium.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to Veepstakes: the real story. Last night at the Republican shit show Mike Pence formally introduced himself to America, which promptly deemed him “as sleep-inducing but not quite as Lucifer-obsessed as Ben Carson.” Many think Donald Trump made the final decision by throwing a dart at a dartboard, but it was actually more complicated than that. The Taiwanese Animators are now prepared to show the drama as it unfolded:
Pence will spend his time between now and November shaking hands, kissing babies and eating Trump’s corn dogs for him at the Iowa fair (sorry, Christie, but you’ll always be his chicken nugget guy). Oh, and also lining up employment for when November 9th rolls around.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Let me tell you something about Bill in Portland Maine. He wrote a blog called 'Cheers and Jeers.' On the home page, it acknowledges Lucifer, the original radical who gained his own kiddie pool."
---Dr. Ben Carson
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