I maintain and repeat my assertion that the Republican Party exists at this point mainly as a outlet for celebrating willful idiocy.
Bradley Cooper's appearance at the Democratic National Convention has irked some conservative fans of the actor's portrayal of Navy SEAL Chris Kyle in 2014's "American Sniper."
The problem, you see, is that actor Bradley Cooper portrayed Conservative Fantasy Hero Number 17 in this one movie, once, and now certain conservatives—I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that it's the same ones that willingly bought Ann Coulter's books—are in a state of deep existential crisis over the dawning realization that the fellow they saw in the movie was, um, an actor. For some of them, this is the biggest blow to their psyche since learning that Patrick Swayze didn't actually die in the opening scenes of Ghost, the other actors were just pretending not to see him.
Some Twitter users say they plan to boycott Cooper's future films over his presence at the convention. Another commented that they thought his experience playing Kyle would have rubbed off on him.
That's right. Just like Donald Trump's experience working with Grimace forever changed his notions of what cheeseburgers cost.
Anyhoo, the boycott calls are already in full swing because a collection of very frightened people who believe that all that stands between America and ISIS is their DVD collection cannot stomach knowing that them folks were just pretending for the cameras. So Goodbye, Rocket Raccoon. Farewell forever, Guy From The Hangover. So long, Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp. (Wait, so you're telling me he was playing different characters in each one? There goes my Chris Kyle was turned into a raccoon after a freak accident at summer camp theory.)
It's only July. Dear God, it's still only July.