all too often health issues begin to interfere with the ordinary patterns of living.
Simply put, for many of us parts of our bodies wear out. Sometimes that is because of how we lived in the past: vigorous participation in some sports can lead to a variety of ailments, worn out joints and torn muscles that do not fully heal, too many concussions can have a connection with dementia.
I am 70. I played soccer fairly seriously even into my adulthood, including suffering one severe concussion — as it happens the first time my then girl friend and now wife had ever seen me play. I wound up in a hospital emergency room.
Over the years I have had some surgeries, albeit nothing of great risk. I have had several visits to emergency rooms, most of which have been for severe allergic reactions, albeit without the most severe reactions.
In recent years I have had to go on medication for hypertension and cholesterol, partially because of heredity, more so because I how I have eaten and lived over the 7 decades of my life.
There was one episode in March of 2014 where I was transported to a hospital because the school nurse thought I was having a stroke. After 27 hours in the hospital, and every kind of test under the sun, we pretty much were able to rule out even TIAs (mini-strokes), and determined that I was probably having ocular migraines, which seem over the years since to be most directly correlated with being somewhat dehydrated.
But now we have entered a new phase.
My family has a history of dental problems. My mother lost all her teeth by the time she was 40. I had already lost some teeth, partially as a result of grinding, clenching, and cracking. When I went to a new dentist a few months back, she warned that I had one lower tooth I was almost certainly going to lose. Several weeks back the crown on that tooth broke off over the weekend. When I went in to see her the Monday after, she told me that it could not be save, and we arranged for me to come back in the next morning to extract it. But when I came in, my blood pressure was way too high. We thought that might be because of too much coffee, tension, and a few other things, so we rescheduled. I came in not having had coffee, or antihistamines, or decongestants, and still the BP was too high — like 184/120. I was able to get in to see my primary care doctor, a Physician’s Assistant in a good practice, that day. We increased my BP medicine, he ordered me to get a good monitor and monitor my BP, gave me an additional medication to take if BP was over 180 systolic or 110 diastolic, and I was able the following week to get the tooth extracted (having taken the extra medication as a precaution). I saw the PA for a followup, he made further tweaks to my medication and arranged for me to get an echocardiagram, because he was not happy with what he was hearing in my chest. I have always had a systolic heart murmer, but it never kept me from being very active, and surprisingly it was never detected in sports physicals. I was also having some issues with an eye, and I will be seeing my ophthalmologist this coming Tuesday.
Yesterday the cardiologist called me with the results of my echo. I had had one at that practice five years ago. There are some changes. In the past I had mild leakage from several of my heart valves. That is not unusual. But now I have them from all, including the aortic, which while not an emergency issue, is something of concern. Further, my heard muscle has hardened/stiffened, which correlates with the elevated blood pressure. My blood pressure, even with an increased dosage of the medicine for hypertension, has remained high — while on medication it is often 145 or higher over 90 or higher. I rarely reach the triggers for the extra medication.
Probably later this week I will be back in to the cardiologist to see if there is some other underlying condition. I may be looking at a lot of tests. So far, no surgery.
Meanwhile the diet is now being very much changed. Sadly, no longer can I enjoy things like pretzels, chips, and salted nuts. I have to strictly limit my caffeine. I am picking up and doing regular walking in the morning. And given the totality of my health, meat is again about to become very much the exception in my diet.
I consider myself lucky. I am on the health insurance my spouse has as a federal employee, which has kept us from bankruptcy despite the heavy costs of dealing with her cancer. I paid nothing for the echocardiagram. The same will apply to most other tests I might undergo.
To complicate things a bit, there is no doubt we have both been living with stress. The latest round of chemo my wife has now just completed has been very hard on her, and placed additional burdens on me. And as of now I do not have a job going forward, although there are still a few possibilities in the works. I am sure that has contributed some to the elevated BP, but does not account for the levels I have experienced.
My observing and commenting upon the political environment is not, I point out, a contributor. If anything, engaging my mind actually calms me down.
I am 70. Several people I know passed recently. One was the wife of a couple from my wife’s church who had lived with breast cancer for 7 years, 5 of them in stage 4. They were among the first to reach out to us when Leaves was diagnosed with her cancer. She was younger than me. One was a fellow teacher who died at 74. Another was someone who taught at Haverford and passed at 83 or 84. Today is my father-in-law’s 86th birthday. My mom died in her 40s, my dad lived into his mid 80s, several of his siblings into their 90s. I do not have a sense of imminent end, but realize I am getting ever closer to it.
I think about quality of life. I wonder about how I can continue to make some kind of difference in the world. Not having biological offspring, that is my legacy, to in some way leave the world a little better than it would have been without me.
My wife is almost 11 years younger than me. We always expected I would pass well before her. Now we do not know. Seeing how hard it can be for her to deal with a cancer that is not currently curable, for which she will probably again have to undergo chemotherapy. I want to be here for all of that, to help her in any way I can.
But now I do think of my end. My physician had worried that I might be on the edge of serious cardiac problems, perhaps congestive heart failure. For the present that does not seem to be a concern, but my overall cardiac condition is still a concern.
And of course, I do not control things like auto accidents, random shootings, other accidents, weather events.
We have begun to talk about what we want to happen when we pass. Believe it or not, we do not even have wills. It is time to think about those things, not because we are morbid, but in recognition of the fact that we are far closer to our ends than to our beginnings.
For some time I have been able to say that I although i was 70 I did not look, act, or feel my age. The last is no longer true. I have other issues that limit me, so far not severely.
Death is inevitable. What matters is what we do with the life we still have, however long it may be.
I will keep that thought in mind as I go forward.
Peace.