From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Late Night Snark: End of August Edition
Conan O'Brien: Do you think this really is the most important election of our lifetime?
Sen. Al Franken: It's the most terrifying.
---Conan
"A 12-year-old boy is actually running one of Trump’s campaign offices in Colorado. When asked how an inexperienced child could be running things, the boy said, 'Look, he’s the nominee and we’re stuck with him.'”
---Jimmy Fallon
"Donald Trump: a racist voodoo doll made of discarded cat hair."
---John Oliver
“Donald Trump's running mate Mike Pence tweeted six pictures of himself stopping to get a burger in North Carolina yesterday. Chris Christie was like, ‘Okay, now he's just rubbing it in.’”
---Seth Meyers
"If you haven't heard of Breitbart News, that means you don't have a racist uncle on Facebook."
---Stephen Colbert
It’s the last weekend of August and you know what that means? Seriously, I’m asking. I have no idea.
Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, August 26, 2016
Note: There will be no C&J on Monday. In its place will be an image of Mike Pence doing something never before attempted by a human being with a pineapple. Parental discretion is advised. Back Tuesday to help pick various jaws up off the floor.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Donald trump ties Hillary Clinton in the polls "by Labor Day," according to RNC chair Reince Priebus: 10
Days 'til Bumbershoot 2016 in Seattle: 7
Weekly unemployment claims, down unexpectedly by 1,000 and the 77th straight week under the 300k threshold, the best streak since 1970: 261,000
Increase in traffic fatalities---19,100 total---during the first half of 2016: 9%
The last year that America's cheese surplus was as large as it is today: 1986
Number of Howard Johnson restaurants that will be open when the one in Bangor, Maine closes next week: 1 (in Lake George, NY)
Number of years that server Kathe Jewett worked there: 50
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Puppy Pic of the Day: For National Dog Day, have a dalmatian...
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CHEERS to naming names. Charlie Pierce at Esquire sums up Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton's takedown of the Republican party's hijacking by an evil pumpkinhead man and his white-supremacist management team and voter base this way: "She pretty much fitted Donald Trump for a lovely armband." It was a speech (transcript here) stuffed to the gills with ugly specifics, which Barb Morrill helpfully lists here. All of what she said was true, and she delivered it with just the right blend of disgust, anger and derision. Here's a bit of it with Trump's actual words:
All the Trump campaign and its surrogates can do in response is express their phony disgust at Hillary's disgust without ever once challenging the accuracy of her accusations. In short, she stripped the bark off the white supremacist movement, leaving Trump looking as ideologically grotesque as the "Emperor Has No Clothes" statues that dotted the country last week. Okay, surrogates: pile on.
CHEERS to healthcare that'll make you feel good…and healthcare that'll make you throw up. Eh, I'll deliver the human ipecac first:
[Indicted former] pharmaceutical firebrand Martin Shkreli has injected himself into the debate over the skyrocketing price of a life-saving allergy treatment arguing that the manufacturer of EpiPen doesn't make much money and instead blaming insurers for not covering the tab.
In 2015, then serving as CEO of Turing Pharma- ceuticals, Shkreli hiked the price of toxoplasmosis treatment Daraprim from $13.50 per pill to $750 per pill. […] Like Shkreli, Mylan is now facing a deluge of criticism after increasing the price of EpiPen by 500% over the last six years to a list price of $600 today for a two pack.
Golly, if only the government had some kind of---oh, I don’t know---bargaining power with the makers of drugs and devices to keep people like these from price-gouging. But, of course, no civilized country in the world has been able to accomplish that except for all of them but us. And now that you're ready to punch a wall, I'll give you the antidote. This is nice:
The surviving victims of the Pulse gay nightclub shooting won’t owe a cent to the two Florida hospitals who treated them for their bullet wounds.
Orlando Regional Medical Center, where a majority of the Pulse survivors were treated, and Florida Hospital announced Wednesday that they would waive any of the out-of-pocket costs for the victims’ medical bills. […]
"The pulse shooting was a horrendous tragedy for the victims, their families and our entire community," Orlando Health President and CEO David Strong told the Orlando Sentinel. "During this very trying time, many organizations, individuals and charities have reached out to Orlando Health to show their support. This is simply our way of paying that kindness forward."
Gold star to both hospitals. And here’s a crazy idea: let’s make healthcare affordable for everyone from now on and then do something about the gun problem. (I know, I know...I should be put on some serious anti-delusion medication for that kind of talk.)
CHEERS to letting them broads in the booth. Happy Women's Equality Day! On August 26, 1920, the 19th Amendment to the Constitution---giving women the right to vote---was certified by Secretary of State Bainbridge Colby. IBT has a decent collection of wise words, with one by Hillary I tossed in for good measure:
“It was we, the people; not we, the white male citizens; nor yet we, the male citizens; but we, the whole people, who formed the Union ... men, their rights and nothing more; women, their rights and nothing less.” (Susan B. Anthony)
“How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate our heroes and she-roes!” (Maya Angelou)
“We must raise both the ceiling and the floor.” (Sheryl Sandberg)
“I challenge assumptions about women. I do make some people uncomfortable, which I’m well aware of, but that’s just part of coming to grips with what I believe is still one of the most important pieces of unfinished business in human history — empowering women to be able to stand up for themselves.” (Hillary Clinton)
"Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of the husbands. Remember all men would be tyrants if they could. If particular care and attention is not paid to the ladies we are determined to foment a rebellion, and will not hold ourselves bound by any laws in which we have no voice, or representation." (Abigail Adams)
The female citizenry used their newfound powers to help elect one of the worst presidents ever: Warren Harding. But if I may say, you've gotten much better at it since.
JEERS to today's edition of Maine's Governor Is The Biggest Asshole. Courtesy of Maine state Representative Drew Gattine’s (D-Westbrook) answering machine and The Portland Press Herald:
“Mr. Gattine, this is Gov. Paul Richard LePage,” a recording of the governor’s phone message says.
“I would like to talk to you about your comments about my being a racist, you cocksucker. And you, you...I want to talk to you.
You...I want you to prove that I’m a racist. I’ve spent my life helping black people and you little son-of-a-bitch, socialist cocksucker...you...I need you to...just frickin’…I want you to record this and make it public because I’m after you. Thank you.”
This has been today's edition of Maine's Governor Is The Biggest Asshole.
CHEERS to happy coincidences. Fifty-three years ago Sunday, on August 28, 1963, an intimate crowd of 200,000 people watched as Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his "I Have a Dream" speech (watch it here) from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. And eight years ago Sunday Barack Obama echoed the words of King (among them: "The fierce urgency of now") when he spoke to a packed stadium in Denver as the first African-American presidential nominee in the history of the universe. This for me is still King's money quote:
"I have a dream my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but the content of their character."
Or as Trump supporters call it: a nightmare.
CHEERS to a date movie about a date…and apparently it's great! Given the larger-than-life main characters (Barack and Michelle Obama) and the treacley plot of the movie (their first date), I expected Southside With You to get panned by critics. Happy to be wrong! They love it. It's currently got a 93% "fresh" rating at Rotten Tomatoes. Watch the trailer:
The Hollywood Reporter calls it "A warm and surprisingly engaging account of the first date of Barack Obama and Michelle Robinson" and Rolling Stone says it's "the date movie of the year, about a first 1989 date between Barack Obama (Parker Sawyers) and Michelle Robinson (Tika Sumpter). Both actors are terrific, suggesting the powerhouses they're playing without undue mimicry." It’s shown in English with subtitles for conservatives that just scroll the word "impeach" across the bottom of the screen for 90 minutes.
JEERS to death sticks. On August 26, 1957, the Soviet Union announced it had successfully tested an intercontinental ballistic missile. It got a B in reading, an A in math, and oddly enough, a C- in rocket science.
CHEERS to home vegetation. With the Olympics over and Bill Maher, John Oliver, and SNL on break, this weekend's TV update is gonna be real short: apart from our hope that Rachel Maddow is almost certain to tear into my idiot governor’s latest racist tirade, the new DVD releases are here, the baseball lineup is here, and here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: RNC chair Reince Priebus predicted this week that Donald trump would tie Hillary Clinton in the polls by Labor Day. Sunday he’ll double-down and predict that the election will have taken place and Trump will have won by Halloween.
This Week: DNC chair Debbie Wasserman-Schultz...Psych!!!...the DNC chair is Donna Brazile now. Plus: Chris Christie reflects on his new life as a nobody.
Face the Nation: Donna Brazile; Dr. Ben Carson has an update on the Great Pyramid grain shortage of 2016; Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway; Rep. Jason Chaffetz.
CNN's State of the Union: Mike Pence sports his spiffy new haircut. Lookin’ sharp there, Slick!
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson, who hails from New Mexico where he’s now getting 19% support; Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway has the latest on where Trump is softening, where he’s hardening, where he’s heating up, where he’s cooling down, and what he plans to say this November when he’s concessionspeeching.
Now throw your TV out the window and go play.
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Ten years ago in C&J: August 26, 2006
CHEERS to Plan B. The FDA says it's okay to sell the "morning-after pill" without a prescription. I popped a few around 6 but I still have my hangover. Where are those damn directions...
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And just one more…
CHEERS to farting around. Week's over. We've thrown it in a steal vault, sealed it in cement, wrapped it in chains, taken it out to sea and tossed it overboard. It can no longer cause us any trouble. It’s playtime. So play...
The candy corn-fueled Asteroid ship? genius.
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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