From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Chittin’ & Chattin’
Randy Rainbow, one of the brightest lights in political comedy this wretched season, goes one-on-one with America’s future First Lady of the new Trump TV Channel:
Check out all of Randy’s vids (the interview with Kellyanne Conway is priceless) at his You Tube channel.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, October 19, 2016
Note: Today is Evaluate Yourself Day. For best results, grade on a curve.
-
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Festivus: 65
Days 'til Cape Cod Brewfest 2016: 10
Likely Latino voters who say they plan to vote for Clinton and Trump, respectively, according to the latest NBC News poll: 67%, 17%
Likely voters who say Trump's apology for his Access Hollywood bus comments was not sincere, according to an ABC News-WaPost poll: 57%
Asking price for a 1531 map of the eastern seaboard by Genoese cartographer Vesconte Maggiolo being put up for sale Saturday: $10 million
Sales last year of wet-wipes, which are convenient but also clog up sewer systems like nobody's business, according to The Atlantic: $2.2 billion
Weight of the $66 million machine that German scientists will use to determine the mass of the universe's lightest particle, the neutrino aka "ghost particle": 220 tons
-
Mid-week Rapture Index:
188 (including 4 episodes of wild weather and 1 Trump-supporting bride of Christ). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: Rainbow catcher…
-
CHEERS to observing Democrats at play in the wild. Last call for the New England Kossack meetup that's happening this Saturday, October 22 starting at noon. (15-20 people are expected so far.) The place: The Farm Bar And Grille at 57 State Street in Kittery (Maine's southern-most town). The food's great, the conversation will range from politics to pooties, and once the liquor starts flowing some us may demonstrate our moose mating calls from the balcony. To RSVP or get more info, email Kossack nhox42 at nhox42 [at] gmail.com. Oh, and Please bring enough tools and lumber to build a balcony as the Farm Bar And Grill doesn’t have one. Yet.
JEERS to a good 90 minutes spoiled. Moderator Chris Wallace thinks he has an agenda all laid out for getting the candidates to weigh in on the issues tonight during debate #3. But that'll be difficult considering one of the candidates (take a wild guess which one) will only be there to hurl insults, interrupt, and generally make an ass of himself. The verbal fisticuffs starts at 9ET at the Las Vegas campus of the University of Nevada. (Which reminds us that Trump insulted Nevadans earlier this month by insisting they start pronouncing the name of their state wrong.) As always, the nimble-fingered Daily Kos front-pagers will live-blog from their moms' basements---Ha Ha Ha, that joke never gets old! Basically, if Hillary wants to win the debate, she needs to show a command of the issues and a willingness to throw a punch at the opportune moment. If Trump wants to win the debate, he needs Hillary to get vaporized by a meteor.
P.S. The Culinary Union will be lining up a wall of taco trucks outside Trump's "International" Las Vegas hotel as a way of "reminding Trump that immigrant workers here and across the country will be watching the debate and voting in November." Delicious.
CHEERS to the little pie tin that floated to Mars. If your pulse isn’t racing a little fast this morning because of the imminent landing of a new probe on Mars, then I have to question your allegiance to the universe, bub. The European Space Agency is handling this mission, and sometime this morning the spacecraft Schiaparelli---now tumbling at 13,000 miles per hour, the same speed at which Donald Trump grabs women by the p***y---will turn on its little thruster thingies and plop down on that pure, rich, Martian paprika soil. It’s a cute li’l thing. I half expect to see Jiffy Pop popcorn bursting out of it.
Apparently Martian TV is carrying the event live, and it's being simulcast via EAS's livestream site here. If the probe doesn’t operate properly right away, the space agency is prepared with Plan B: sending another probe with a hammer to bang on the side of it.
JEERS to the Big Dump. On October 19, 1987---on Saint Ronald Reagan's watch---stocks plunged 508 points amid panicky selling. They called it "Black Monday." The lowlights as they unfolded:
10:30 AM With 140 million shares traded, the Dow is down 101 points, to 2145.
11:45 AM A brief turnaround gives traders a flicker of hope as the Dow regains 95 points in a half-hour.
1 PM As rumors spread about a NYSE shutdown, the Dow plunges 100 points in the next hour.
2:15 PM With the Dow down 300 points, an investor outside the NYSE screams, "Down with Reagan! Down with MBAs! Down with yuppies!"
4 PM The NYSE closes. Chairman John Phelan says it was the closest thing to a "financial meltdown" that he had ever seen.
The percentage decline (22.6%) was actually worse than the crash of 1929. Thank god we learned our lesson and, through sensible legislation, never had to experience anything like that again. Attaboy, Congress!
CHEERS and JEERS to kicking the bums out. As Russia and Syria pause their brutal siege of the Syrian town of Aleppo, Iraq and various allies (including support troops from a faraway land known as "USA! USA! USA!") are now duking it out with ISIS in the northern Iraqi city of Mosul. It's the last major stronghold for the World's Worst Phony Caliphate, and they're not leaving without a fight:
Iraqi security forces reported progress Tuesday to the east and south of Mosul on their approach to the city. An armored division began an operation to clear ISIS from the town of Qaraqosh, which had about 50,000 residents before ISIS captured it two years ago. […]
But the going is expected to be tougher once the coalition reaches Mosul's urban center. The coalition vastly outnumbers its opponents, but ISIS, which has long known the push was coming, has constructed elaborate defenses, including a network of tunnels.
Coalition forces will also likely face suicide bombs, car bombs and booby traps.
I'm no expert on terrorist guerrilla tactics, but I think it's safe to say to the liberators: if you see a mouth-watering pita stuffed with eggplant and boiled eggs being pulled across your path by a string, leave it be.
CHEERS to wars worth fighting. On October 19, 1781, British General Lord Cornwallis (or, rather, a representative of his---Benny Hill, I believe) surrendered to Washington's Continental Army outside of Yorktown, effectively ending our War of Independence. The surrender agreement contained the first recorded use of the phrase "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!!!" (Full disclosure: Lafayette's idea.)
-
Ten years ago in C&J: October 19, 2006
JEERS to the Land of 300,000,000 Potential Enemy Combatants. Yesterday President Bush---under the watchful eyes of the other three Republicans of the Apocalypse---signed a bill that legalizes torture in America. And, as a special bonus, it also wipes away that pesky writ of Habeas Corpus. Here's his logic: by knowing that we could really be captured, sodomized with a broomstick, waterboarded and tried based on hearsay or coerced testimony, don't we all now love freedom a little more today than we did yesterday, when we took it for granted? Bravo, Mr. President....you've saved us from ourselves.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to thumbs-up from Team R. As we head into debate #3 tonight and the 2016 election season officially winds itself down to its final sputter on November 8th, let's all enjoy one last trip down Memory Lane with a reminder courtesy of the Republican leadership that the next President of the United States is a helluva great choice:
To paraphrase the current POTUS from 2012: "Please proceed, Donald…"
Have a nice Wednesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Your mother always told you to keep out of the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool and now science is backing her up.
---New York Daily News
-