During Wednesday’s debate, Donald Trump talked a lot, but not so much about the questions he was asked. On the few occasions when he was forced to say something not part of his standard talking points, he blabbered in a way that struck a lot of people like a sixth grader forced to stand before the class and give a capsule review of a book that didn’t come out of the backpack all summer.
For example, here’s Trump discussing the D.C. v. Heller case—and keep in mind that Trump has already been given the name of the case, knows that Hillary didn’t like the outcome, that the subject was the Second Amendment, and that Scalia’s was involved.
Well the D.C. versus Heller decision was very strongly, and she was extremely angry about it, I watched, and she was very, very angry when upheld, and Justice Scalia was so involved, and it was a well-crafted decision, but Hillary was extremely upset, extremely angry, and people that believe in the Second Amendment, and believe in it very strongly, were very upset with what she had to say.
Uh-huh. Answers like that inspired tweets like this from St. Louis Alderman and mayoral candidate Antonio French.
Which in turn produced an continuing flurry of #TrumpBookReport tweets that are sure to replace Cliff Notes as the go-to summary for those needing a bit of instant literary cred.
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John Podhoretz “It was the worst of times and the worst of times, OK? The worst. A disaster.”
Maggie Grace ”I wouldn't give Scarlet an A, maybe a C at best. I like a D...cup. She'd want me, I'm a star. But I could do better, believe me.”
Michael Tomasky ”I prefer my gigantic gorillas not taken into captivity, okay?”
Michael Cohen "The Once-ler, tremendous businessman. I don't want to be best friends w/ him, but wouldn't it be nice if we got along?"
Kevin Kruse "Well, if you've got the crime, you've got to have the punishment. I believe in law and order, folks. Law. And. Order."
Robbie Sherwood ”All the Pretty Horses? They're not that pretty, believe me. Threes at best. I have prettier horses.”
Scott Wooledge "Atticus Finch? Scumbag! Tom Robinson was no Angel, folks. I sent my people to Alabama. You won't believe what they found."
Jeff Tiedrich "Seven books to defeat Voldemort? What a disaster. I know more about Voldemort than any wizard. One book is all I'll need."
Eric Wolfson "This New Testament is for losers. Jesus was crucified. I like saviors who weren't crucified, okay? Like myself."
Harold Itzkowitz “‘1984’! Our books so out of date, so out of date! We don’t make up to date books anymore! But we’re going to have ‘2017’!”
Victoria Aveyard ”The Lannisters. Great family. Strong leaders. Ramsay Bolton said nice things about me. Jon Snow is for open borders. Loser.”
Lauren Holmes ”Lolita. Beautiful woman. Phenomenal woman. In ten years, I'll be dating her. That Humbert Humbert guy. So low-energy. Sad! “
Steve McPherson “We’re gonna catch so much rye, you won’t believe it. We’re bringing those rye catching jobs to America.”
Summer Brennan ”If I was in charge, believe me, I'd have a lot more than 22 catches. And they'd be huge catches. The best.”
Bill Fryer ”I've never had a problem finding Waldo, Never. Ask anyone. I always find Waldo.”
If you turn in one of these reports, remember to tell your teacher ...
Michi "I will accept the grade you give me for this book report. If it's A. I read this book bigly. Believe me."
But do keep this warning in mind.
Eric Wolfson ”No #TrumpBookReport is complete because he can't get past Chapter 11.”