From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
The Deed is Done
Yesterday, at 1:20pm, I straightened my white tie, laced up my tap shoes, and performed a little Astaire-esque clicky-clacky dance number up the steps to Portland City Hall. Then I went inside, attached Swiffer sheets to my shoes, and took a running slide down the marble floor to Room 203, entering the absentee voting room with Jazz Hands!!!
Billeh the mystical Maine manchild with the candy corn addiction came to early vote and he would not be denied.
First I confirmed my name and address (they're written down on the tag inside my mittens) with the clerk and got my ballot. Then I held my paperwork in the air and started shouting "Rigged! [Sniff!] Rigged! [Sniff!] It's all rigged by the global banking system and Sidney Blumenthal!" Everyone glared at me so I retreated to my little kiosk to vote and mourn the death of frivolity among the unwashed masses.
Given the historic nature of this election, I was hoping I'd be able to mark my ballot with a bolt of lightning. Instead I had to settle for a Bic. As I did when I voted "Kenyan Colonialist and Uncle Joe" in 2008 (and again in 2012), I got a familiar lump in my throat as I marked my ballot for "Nasty Woman and World's Greatest Dad." Amazing to think that I haven't voted for a white dude for president since 2004. More perfect union indeed.
As for the referendums---a slate of really consequential ones this year---I voted for the legalization of marijuana, ranked-choice voting at the state level, increasing the minimum wage to $12 statewide, additional school funding, stricter background checks on gun purchases, and an increase in tin and tires drives because Mr. Roosevelt says that's how we're going to defeat Hitler.
After slipping my marked-up ballot into the giant throbbing Bin-O-Democracy and slapping a dozen "I VOTED” stickers on my tuchus, I completed my civic duty the usual way, by stealing the mayor's stapler. (Once again, sir, your little chain was no match for my bolt cutters.)
In the immortal words of our Keyboard Kingpin: Vote early. Seriously. Just do it. Now. Today. Vote. Voting makes you awesome. So vote.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, October 25, 2016
Note: Life is a sham, nothing is real, and everything is pointless. Those stories plus Chet with sports and Susan at the weather desk coming up on News Center at Noon.
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By the Numbers:
Weeks 'til election day: 2
Days 'til the Acworth Craft Beer Festival in Georgia: 11
Increase in existing home sales between August and September, according to the National Association of Realtors: 3.2%
Median price of an existing home, up 5.6% from a year ago: $234,000
Percent of Democrats who support Trump and Republicans who support Clinton, respectively, according to ABC News: 5%, 8%
Percent of Americans who support marijuana legalization, a record high according to Gallup: 60%
Years since Dumbo was released as of last Sunday: 75
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
Let's see how Fox Nation commenters are reacting to the closing days of the election season…
"Trump is handing Clinton the election, she isn't stealing anything. All Trump really had to do is hire a smart political consultant and do what he said but his ego is too hewge."
"you have be total imbecile you have be total imbecile you have be total imbecile you have be total imbecile you have be total imbecile"
"TO JULIAN ASSANGE: ... Dear Mr. Assange, Thank you for your work exposing the Evil and Treasonous acts of Hillary Clinton and her demonic minions! ... We need a BLOCKBUSTER Revelation about her NOW!!!, the Election is only 2 weeks away!!!"
"Remember that "EVIL" to shorthand for "HILLARY". So you Hillary voters remember that “The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ, Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a line. Nor all thy Tears wash out a word of it.”
All together now: 1…2…3… Classy!
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Zonked…
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CHEERS to All Things Considered. To hear most of the media tell it, Obamacare premiums are going to go up one million percent zomigod we're all gonna die!!! So good on the NPR show for cutting through the crap and offering a bit of reality-based reporting:
The cost of health insurance under the Affordable Care Act is expected to rise an average of 22 percent in 2017, according to information released by the Obama administration Monday afternoon.
Still, federal subsidies will also rise, meaning that few people are likely to have to pay the full cost after the rate increases to get insurance coverage. "We think they will ultimately be surprised by the affordability of the premiums, because the tax credits track with the increases in premiums," said Kevin Griffis, assistant secretary for public affairs at the Department of Health and Human Services. During a media briefing Monday, Griffis said the 2017 rates are roughly at the level the Congressional Budget Office forecast when the law was proposed. "The initial marketplace rates came in below costs," he said. "Many companies set prices that turned out to be too low."
So, yeah, Madam President Clinton will have to devote a chunk of her two terms to fixing bugs in the system to lower costs and expand coverage, but it's not the train wreck people are making it out to be. So everybody just take two chill pills and call her on January 20th. Noonish.
CHEERS to fatter paychecks and bigger economies. (Note: I didn’t realize this was from August, but it's recent enough to warrant a shoutout) One of the ballot questions here in Maine is a simple increase in the minimum wage to $12/hr. And from the way the opposition frames it, it's going to suck every penny from every business in every town and leave us all in rags by the time spring rolls around. Well, if Seattle is any indication, the Henny Pennys won’t have much to crow about, says Jared Bernstein:
[F]or now, here’s what we can conclude [from a new University of Washington study]: After Seattle raised its minimum wage, low-wage workers’ employment, hours and wages all rose substantially.
Neighboring areas that had similar trends in these variables before the increase---and that, by the way, were also bound by the highest state minimum wage in the country when the increase took effect---saw even larger employment and hours gains.
In other words, relatively high minimum wages in Seattle and in Washington more broadly have had their intended impact and have been perfectly compatible with a strong economy, one that’s handily beating national averages.
Another benefit that's not even mentioned but could be significant: the emotional boost the city/region must be getting from so many people seeing more moolah in their paychecks. What will those crazy liberals think of next?
JEERS to the teabaggers of yesteryear. Ninety-three years ago today, a Senate committee began investigating the Teapot Dome scandal. This political cartoon was popular back then:
Second-worst-president-ever Warren Harding's cronies were allowing private companies to lease government oil reserves from public land in Wyoming. As a result of the investigation, Interior Secretary Albert Fall became the first cabinet member to go to jail. He was a Republican. Shocking.
JEERS to crumbs for kids. When the federal government gives a state money for a specific purpose---say, to help financially-strapped people get by when they're going through a rough patch---the state is supposed to actually use that money for its intended purpose. But here in Maine, our horrible Maine governor refuses to do that, opting instead to stack it in a pile and sit on it:
In less than five years, the LePage administration has quietly stockpiled $155 million in unspent TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families) funds, according to state budget data, an unused balance that has grown at a rate higher than any other state in that time. Maine’s total as a percentage of annual grant funding is among the highest in the country as well.
Meanwhile, extreme childhood poverty---defined as families making less than 50 percent of the federal poverty level, or about $10,000---has increased in Maine during that time. […]
“Maine is the poster child for just cutting people off and not connecting them with jobs or other prospects, and that gets billed as success,” said Liz Schott, a senior fellow with the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, a national left-leaning organization, and an expert on the TANF program. “How can you call it success when poverty hasn’t gone down?”
LePage promises to provide an answer just as soon as he's done filling up at the all-you-can-eat prime rib buffet. So sometime around early 2019.
CHEERS to nukin' your dinner. On October 25, 1955, the microwave oven was introduced by Tappan in Mansfield, Ohio (just a stone's throw from my hometown, Mt. Vernon). Cost of the appliance: $1,200. Protection against gremlins: Priceless.
CHEERS to today's Pine Tree State safety tip. If you're a Maine pine tree and you've had a little too much booze, it’s not a good idea to plant yourself in the middle of a crowded Portland street:
And maybe next time stick to root beer.
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Ten years ago in C&J: October 25, 2006
JEERS to cherry-picking. Whenever you hear a Republican promote the party's fantastic record on job creation, listen closely---they'll always promote "six-point-six million jobs" created "since August of 2003." Now why would they pick a random date like that instead of looking at how jobs have fared under the entire Bush presidency? Because his record sucks:
[T]he economy lost jobs in 24 of the first 30 full months of Bush's presidency (February 2001 through July 2003), shedding a net total of approximately 2.6 million jobs during that period, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. Overall, 3.2 million new jobs have been created in the first 68 months of the Bush presidency. In contrast, the first 68 months of the Clinton presidency saw a net gain of approximately 16.8 million jobs.
Y'know, I'm starting to suspect that the White House is just spinning us. Don't quote me on that until I do some more checking, but I think I may be on to something.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the wisdom of the masses. 2016 was going to be different, said the Very Serious People from on high. Republicans had a deep bench this time around, said the Sunday morning pundits from behind their shiny glass-top desks. Never before had we seen such brainpower in a field of GOP candidates, said the talking heads on the cable news networks from their comfy chairs. Democrats were up Shit Creek without a paddle, they giggled. Well, apparently the swath of America that doesn’t wear satin pajamas with pearl cufflinks to bed didn’t get the memo, and this morning it's our pleasure to revisit an AP-GfK poll from one year ago and give the citizenry of the most exceptional nation on earth a pat on the head and a hearty "Way to go!"
Less than half of Americans said they think any of the Republican candidates for president could win in a general election.
Blessed be the huddled masses yearning to be free of this endless clown show. I'm happy to say there's light at the end of the tunnel. And you might want to step off the tracks---there's a freight train in a pantsuit a' comin'.
Have a nice Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Who is Bill in Portland Maine, you ask? No one knows! He could be some guy from a local commercial, a European pop star, or maybe a manifestation of your worst fears come to life in augmented reality."
---Beth Elderkin
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