I haven’t seen my demons in a long time, but they’re back.
The last time they were here was after the 2004 election. That was a bad one for me.
I was still in the military then and I figured it would be on to the next country on our “to do” list. I think you know who. Fortunately it didn’t happen.
The run up to Iraq was tough on me. I was certain I would have to go. Fortunately they only partially mobilized my Guard unit. My strategy of volunteering for every trip that wasn’t going to the desert actually worked. The closest I got was a deployment to Spain as part of the air-bridge. My official record says I was part of OIF, but I never got sand in my boots.
Before that, they were with me right after 9/11. Actually they showed up the day before 9/11. Try to figure that one out. I still haven’t.
They showed up a few times back in the early 90s when it looked like we might go at it with North Korea.
The worst of course was when I deployed for the Gulf War. I spent the first few months overseas waking up in the middle of the night with my guts twisted in a knot and staying that way until dawn.
They’ve been back since the night of the election. That was a bad one.
Last night was pretty typical. I have no problem going to sleep, it’s staying asleep that confounds me.
I went to bed around 10:00 PM and was out right away. I promptly woke up a little after 1:00 AM. Mind you I’m not having nightmares. My dreams are no stranger than normal (meaning they’re pretty strange).
I lay there tossing and turning with my mind going at full speed.
I have a very sharp mind, I dare say. The problem is, I can’t shut the damn thing off.
Around 2:00 AM the cat comes into the bedroom. I can hear her claws on the wood floor: “click click click click”.
I get out of bed and pick her up. She purrs. I love that cat. I adopted her 18 years ago. I had just been through a bad breakup and the demons were my constant companions. The cat chased them away. After my wife she’s probably my best friend.
I put the cat down and crawl back into bed. I lay there for a while. Around 3:00 AM I hug my wife. I hate to wake her but I need the contact.
The odd thing is, I’m not really upset. I’m actually fairly peaceful. It’s just that so much is happening so fast that my brain is having a hard time processing it.
Mind you I don’t sleep that well at the best of times. Years of night flying has pretty well screwed up my sleep pattern. It’s not uncommon for me to wake up at 2:00 AM on a good night, it’s just that I usually get back to sleep after a while. I’m at least in the right line of work for an insomniac.
At this point I’m actually looking forward to a week of night flying. Hopefully it will wear me out enough to sleep.
I don’t look forward to dealing with my coworkers. Politically they range from “mainstream Republican” to people who stockpile weapons and bury gold in their back yard. Occasionally I meet one who’s liberal or at least moderate but I’d say we’re the exception.
I don’t know about other airlines, but our crew force is heavily ex-military, myself included. We are overwhelmingly white, middle-aged and male. Most of us are, to put it mildly, “Type A” personalities. Despite belonging to a pilot union, the political climate tends to be conservative.
I usually try to avoid political discussions at work. I never bring up the subject. When someone else does I usually politely try to change the subject. “So, how about those (insert sports team here)?”
Just like a lot of women do when they don’t want to be hit on, I’ve taken to putting my earbuds in when the conversation on the crew bus veers into politics. Likewise when I’m in the limo headed to the hotel and the driver wants to be chatty.
Nothing personal, I’m just not feeling chatty at 6:00 AM after I’ve been working all night. I’ll just sit hear and listen to music while you and the Captain talk about what you heard on Hannity yesterday.
Every once in a while someone just won’t let it go, and then “fight’s on!” as the fighter guys say.
It’s tough when you’re stuck sitting 3 feet from somebody for hours on end. Especially when you’re paired up with them for a month at a time.
I got into it with one guy all the way from Atlanta to Newark, and then all the way back to Atlanta. The worst part was, I found him pretty likeable except for that one subject. I was upset for at least a day after that.
At least it’s better than the 727 was. With a 3-person crew two of them could double-team you.
I realize I’m far from the only one who’s upset here but I needed to vent.
Thanks for listening.