Well, any day now, the Donald will make his grand announcement. We're all on the edge of our seats, of course. So who will have the honor of riding Mr. Trump's coattails?
The Goverators:
Pence gets mentioned a lot, plus Fallon and Christie and one or two others.
The Legislators:
Newt. Corker already took himself out.
The Generals:
I've lost track of the names.
The Wild Cards:
Hot damn. Who knows? Sarah Palin would do it if God told her to, which would be the same thing as Donald asking her, in her mind. Gary Busey, maybe.
So, what are everyone's chances? Normally, VP considerations come down to three criteria: perceived weaknesses, geography, and the ability to step in.
We can rule out the first, since it is not likely that Mr. Trump would consider the possibility that he might have any weaknesses.
Geography might play a part. He might want someone on the ticket for a state in which he does not own (or has previously owned and bankrupted) a hotel or golf course.
The ability to step in shouldn't matter, since according to his alleged physician, he will be the healthiest US president ever, but if it did, he'd want someone as much like himself as possible.
In the Donald's case, the only criteria exists: spinal flexibility. He only hires yes men.
That rules out the generals, who are better at giving orders than taking them. Most of the governors lose out due to being boring and not being celebrities, other than Palin, but she's a girl. Hot, yes, but cooties.
That leaves two choices: Christie and Newt. Both have the one thing Trump might actually admit that he lacks, i.e. having actually worked in government. Of course, that's not necessarily a good thing in Trump's mind, so we can rule that out as a consideration. I think his choosing one of these two would depend upon which one he perceived as the best carbon copy of himself. That would rule out the notoriously obese Governor Christie, despite his bullying skills.
So that leaves the Newt. Not only is he close to Trumps age, but he's fully Trump's equal in the art of the con. After all, this is the guy who sent letters to businesses congratulating them for winning his award. All they had to do was mail him a check for $5000, and they would receive an impressive plaque announcing their exalted status. Now it is true that Trump made money off supposedly selling his real estate expertise and giving his students nothing in return, so he may look down upon Gingrich, who actually sent out the plaques, but still. The ROI was impressive. $5000 for a $50 plaque.
I can imagine the interview.
“What's you're position on Mexicans, Newt.”
“They're rapists, but nice people. Great cooks, but not as good as the cooks at your hotels.”
“Check. And Muslims?”
“Kill them all. God will know his own.”
“Check.”
“You know Donald, can I call you Don? You're overlooking the threat of EMP. It could destroy our entire electrical grid.”
“Oh, yes the EMP. It's very dangerous. Very bad people. But not as bad as ISIS. We need to build a wall and keep them out.”
“Oh, absolutely, but EMP is...”
“I know what EMP is.”
“A wall won't...”
“I'M BUILDING THE WALL.”
“Of course. We agree 100% on everything.”
“Check.”