Born the only girl in a family of five children, I was always the tomboy. No matter how hard my Mother tried, I refused to wear the frilly dresses and white patent leather shoes that she wanted me to. By the time I was in first grade I had already experienced ‘being’ with another girl. Of course we didn’t talk about it. Sexuality was a deep, dark hidden secret in the late 1950’s. In the ensuing years I had several more childhood Lesbian experiences, although at the time I didn’t even know the word.
As I grew older I gravitated towards the feminine. Boys liked me, tried to kiss me, but I would turn and run from them. They made me feel uncomfortable. In my late teens I became pregnant by my best friend after a night of drunken frolicking, and since we both came from the Ozzie and Harriet generation we did what all responsible people did. We got married. Even so I continued to be attracted to women, during the 32 years of marriage, and the birth and raising of three children.
After I divorced my first husband I went on to marry a second husband. The marriage ended in divorce less than 5 years later. The same year I had a complete breakdown and attempted suicide, more than once in a months time. I ended up in a therapeutic ‘camp’ to recover from these attempts and receive intense counseling. During that time I met a younger woman, a Lesbian, who wooed me and won my heart.
We had a relationship, a very rocky one, for 5 years. I ‘came out’ to my family immediately. My children and grandchildren were accepting, but two of my brothers, both of them Right-Wing Christians, disavowed me. I no longer have contact with them.
Today I identify as Bi-Sexual. I know that I can be with either male or female, but actually I prefer the feminine, and I know that I always will.