In the summer of 1991, I participated in a triathlon at the Prairie Rose Games in Minot, North Dakota. At the time, I was a young teenage girl who was not an athlete, but who kept trying anyhow. Part way through the difficult and punishing race, as I wondered why I was doing what I was doing and if it was worth finishing, I saw you running along and felt a young person’s thrill at recognizing a public figure in an unofficial setting. You obviously were not an athlete either, which became even more obvious when a short time later I saw you being physically ill on the side of the road. It was what I felt like doing at the time, though the slight athletic prowess given me by my youth spared me that indignity. Quitting was still foremost in my mind however, until I saw you return to the course. You were obviously even more miserable than I was, but you were even more determined. I felt solidarity and was inspired by you. I finished the race and I still have the medal.
Not long after, I left North Dakota because of love and education and now have work and family ties that keep me away. I still consider myself a North Dakotan however. It is the first place out of my mouth when people ask where I am from. It is the clarifier I use when explaining my viewpoints and it shapes how I see the world. My family still owns the land my grandparents settled on at the turn of the last century, mainly because I cannot bear to no longer have tangible ties to the state which shaped me. I follow the news and keep current about events and politics within the state, which has included following your career and public life. I watched when you became the Attorney General, when you ran for governor and battled breast cancer, and I cheered when it was announced that you were in remission and when you won your senate seat.
Then, along with many democrats within North Dakota, as well as across the nation, I was stunned when you voted against expanding background checks on gun purchasers. I both grew up with a grandfather who lived and breathed hunting, and am married to a man whose colleagues lost family members at Sandy Hook. I knew people growing up and know people now who rely on guns to help supplement their dinner table and for whom hunting is a way of life. I also volunteer on an ambulance and work with patients who should not own a gun. That Republican grandfather who lived and breathed hunting, also served as the Chief of Police in Bismarck for many years. He too believed that there were people who had no business owning a gun. I think you do too. You cited your experience with law enforcement when explaining your vote, but if you look at statistics that doesn’t make sense. The thing that makes sense is that you narrowly won your seat, in addition to the fact that you received more calls against the bill than for it from your constituents.
I wanted to write to you back then. I should have, but I didn’t. Many others were calling you out at the time and adding my voice seemed fruitless. This time however, I am writing. I do not know if you will ever see this, but I hope that you do and I hope I can remind you of the woman I saw getting back in a race that she could only finish but never win. The woman who staved off death, and the candidate who prided herself in sitting down and having the long conversations with voters.
Last week I watched you vote for Scott Pruitt to head the E.P.A. This is a man who wants to eliminate the very agency you voted for him to run. The same agency that you cut your teeth in as a young attorney. Again, you made a political choice because it might allow you to retain your seat, even though you know that it is a deal with the devil. I remember when I was a kid (and I am sure that you must remember this too), when people would ask about why anybody would choose to live in North Dakota and residents would proudly proclaim that it is “cleaner and greener in the summer and whiter and brighter in the winter.” Part of your job is to work to ensure it stays that way.
Sandy Hook happened and you know it. Many of the people pushing you to vote against gun control didn’t. Climate change is real and you know it. Again, many of the people who championed Pruitt don’t. Part of your job is to tell them. You are an incredibly trusted politician in North Dakota, who is known for listening to her constituents, but you can’t just listen, you also need to have the tough conversations. Take it back to the people, hold the necessary town halls and tell them what you know and what you believe and why. Try to remember back to when you were a public servant, not a politician. Sometimes serving the public means explaining things to them that you know because of your position and the fact that it is your job to do the necessary research, but that they don’t know because it is beyond the scope of their personal experience or expertise. This is part of the reason we have public officials. Or it is supposed to be. If you don’t stand up for what you know to be right, because you feel that might lose the position you hold, and that this is too important to risk, then you don’t stand for anything and your position is worth nothing. You then are merely drinking the same poisonous Kool-Aid that seems to be killing the values of so many in the democratic party, as they keep flailing around in search of a nebulous middle ground, that in the meantime, keeps sliding further and further to the right.
Twenty-five years ago and change, I saw you puking in the bushes on the side of the road and then I saw you pull yourself back together and push on. Running that race wasn’t about winning, it was about persisting because you knew it was the better choice and the best course of action. Years later, I watched you battle death and manage to push it back down the road. The woman I remember had measurable qualities of integrity and a spine of steel. The North Dakotans that I know and remember have long considered both to be virtues. I have not seen that same woman or those qualities in freshman Senator Heitkamp. I hope you can find her, because you are better than this and you are stronger than this and your state and your country need you.