Our friend and comic genius, Bill in Portland Maine, was hospitalized last week because of severe abdominal pain. An exploratory surgery has been done, biopsies taken, and results should be back soon. Common Sense Mainer’s update of Tuesday evening was:
We are having a blizzard, however I made to the hospital today for a visit. Bill is transitioning from epidural to oral pain meds. Bill and I walked the hallway together. No test results or release yet. Stay tuned...
UPDATE: From Bill…
And now for our final award this evening: What the Hell Does Bill Have That Sent Him To The ER Last Week And Still Has Him There Five Days Later Following Three Hours Of Late-Night Surgery? The biopsy is finally back and the winner is....[opens envelope]....Oh my god it's "La la Land!!!" Congratul.... [Several moments of confusion and chair throwing later]....I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, there's been a slight mistake. The Price Waters Coopershouse representative apparently mixed up the envelopes, and the correct winner is...[opens new envelope]..."Stage 3 C-word in the Poop Chute." (Memo to world: I call dibs on that name for my future garage band.)
So. Yeah. That's what it is. But, believe me (and not in the Donald Trump way, where when he says believe me you should believe nothing), this is not the catastrophe the surgeon (or anyone else) expected. I will spare you the details (you're welcome), but she said she's never seen anything like what she saw in mah billeh belly Thursday night. She was utterly flummoxed, it looked so bad. I am a human being whose innards have instantly qualified for the "Gack!" Hall of Fame.
So a) a lot of what she feared would come back positive for cancer came back NEGATORY in the biopsy b) she may, in fact, have gotten ALL the cancer removed 3) I'll need to spend some time doing chemo so that I can both kill any remaining cancer and perform amazing glow-in-the-dark human tricks for the neighbor kids 4) I have the cutest little zipper of staples going up my stomach now, but minimal pain (I'm planning to train a hamster in a top hat to climb up and down it while singing "Puttin' on the Ritz" so I can win the top prize on America's Funniest Home Videos) and 5) OMG the mashed potatoes are SO good here and ditto on the French toast. Seriously.
It hurts to laugh. But I've been doing a lot more crying than laughing lately because of the love and support coming from all of you here on Facebook, Daily Kos, here in Maine, and my stalker on twitter (some jerk named Bannon). All of them good tears---none yet, not a one, shed because of my diagnosis or pain or any of that, but because you all reached out so quickly and sincerely.
My partner Michael has been a rock, riding around in a blizzard and going above and beyond to get questions answered, make sure I'm comfortable, and dealing with all the domestic shit while I'm sitting here ordering the chateau briand here at Club Med. {{{{{Hugs}}}}}
As for the doctors, nurses and staff here at Mercy Hospital, I would strip every penny from every worthless fucking hedge fund goon in a second and hand it all over to them. We are paying the wrong professionals the wrong wages. I watched these good-humored professionals with my own eyes come to work during an epic blizzard to drain stuff, relieve pain, and make sure we're all doing okay. But it's something they do every day. These people are gods and goddesses among men and women.
I'll wrap this up now. I'll be going home tomorrow to plan the next stage of my life, which will include lots of hard recuperation, getting an earful from the dog, and physical therapy that involves flipping the bird a minimum of a thousand times a day at Paul Ryan. Thanks again for all your kind thoughts. THINK SPRING.
---Billeh
I posted a community quilt diary for Bill on Monday so that, as a community, we can blanket Bill with good wishes — but just in case some Cheers and Jeers regulars had not seen it, it was suggested I post something now. Being on the left coast and a night owl, I will not likely be awake and aware when this diary posts but I will collect any messages in the comments here or in my original diary. We will want to complete this quilt as soon as possible, given the severity of Bill’s illness, but did not want to start until everyone had had a chance to give a message. If you wish to contribute toward the cost of the quilt, follow the link and the information is there.
Please send your best mental hugs to Bill and Michael. They need our love right now. Namaste.