I admit it — I am an aging white baby boomer. Married to a phenomenal woman who has also been assaulted in broad day light in front of the County Court House in deep red America by a guy on the way to a court date. We have discussed #MeToo and Black Lives Matter — agreeing that white privilege is a real thing but also being able to understand the fear that drives many people as competition increases and they feel pushed aside.
Until yesterday, I didn’t really get it. Then my wife read me this quote from Jackson Katz from a Facebook post. It was embedded in a posting from her friend on #MeToo. It rocked me as nothing else I have read.
“I draw a line down the middle of a chalkboard, sketching a male symbol on one side and a female symbol on the other. Then I ask just the men: What steps do you guys take, on a daily basis, to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? At first there is a kind of awkward silence as the men try to figure out if they've been asked a trick question. The silence gives way to a smattering of nervous laughter. Occasionally, a young a guy will raise his hand and say, 'I stay out of prison.' This is typically followed by another moment of laughter, before someone finally raises his hand and soberly states, 'Nothing. I don't think about it.' Then I ask women the same question. What steps do you take on a daily basis to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? Women throughout the audience immediately start raising their hands. As the men sit in stunned silence, the women recount safety precautions they take as part of their daily routine. Here are some of their answers: Hold my keys as a potential weapon. Look in the back seat of the car before getting in. Carry a cell phone. Don't go jogging at night. Lock all the windows when I sleep, even on hot summer nights. Be careful not to drink too much. Don't put my drink down and come back to it; make sure I see it being poured. Own a big dog. Carry Mace or pepper spray. Have an unlisted phone number. Have a man's voice on my answering machine. Park in well-lit areas. Don't use parking garages. Don't get on elevators with only one man, or with a group of men. Vary my route home from work. Watch what I wear. Don't use highway rest areas. Use a home alarm system. Don't wear headphones when jogging. Avoid forests or wooded areas, even in the daytime. Don't take a first-floor apartment. Go out in groups. Own a firearm. Meet men on first dates in public places. Make sure to have a car or cab fare. Don't make eye contact with men on the street. Make assertive eye contact with men on the street.”
― Jackson Katz, The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help
The connection to Black Lives Matter below
I also listen to sports radio as a diversion. There is an afternoon drive time host on KKFN 104.3 The Fan named Alfred Williams. He is in the University of Colorado Sports Hall of Fame, he was a starter on the Broncos Superbowl Championship teams in the 90s. He is an icon in Denver.
When the initial discussions about kneeling for the anthem began, he was quiet. Yet, one day, he responded to a call by saying, roughly, I don’t talk politics on this show because my job is to talk sports. But I have young sons who drive good cars — they have been pulled over. He talked of his concern about them in this environment.
When I read the piece above, I realized I could take that exact same piece by Jackson Katz and change it a little. Just change it a little — in an insensitive way, draw a stick figure of two mean, add an Afro to one. Now ask the white men, “What steps do you take on a daily basis to avoid the attention of a policeman? What steps do you take to avoid issues when stopped by the police”. Ask a young black man the same question.
These are the same issue, the same problem, the same blight on our society. We just don’t always connect the dots.
We should.