Oh this is hysterical. A New York Times opinion piece provides us with a template for a public apology next time we get caught doing something, having done something, being taped by Putin doing something, being taped by our neighbor, accused of having done something, or doing something back in the 1970’s when we were young and didn’t think anybody was looking let alone our mother.
Of course everybody will hate you anyway but, it’s worth a shot and if you’re a Republican, hey no big! but if you’re a Democrat it’s a good idea to have this handy template and prepare to grovel bigly!
Choose Your Own Public Apology
Facing damning allegations of misconduct? Just fill out this easy statement to generate a public apology that satisfies absolutely no one and results in a fresh wave of criticism!
I would like to apologize for my actions / my behavior /getting caught. Over the past several days / 24 hours /six minutes (man, Twitter moves fast) I have felt deeply remorseful / regretful / afraid that my career is ruined. I am making this heartfelt / sincere / carefully vetted yet still somehow sloppily written statement in hopes of taking responsibility for my actions /acknowledging the pain of those who have spoken up /salvaging my reputation, obviously.
Though this is in no way / not at all / a transparent attempt at an excuse, it was a very different time in the ’70s / a few decades ago / last Tuesday. I have since learned from helpful people on the internet / friends who for some reason don’t want to be named / my team of expensive lawyers that how I comported myself back then was inappropriate / hurtful to others / a felony and still within the statute of limitations.
Etc:)
www.nytimes.com/...