Today’s Modest Proposals for political improvement are:
- After the unanimous Supreme Court ruling overturning Gorsuck's ruling against education of children with disabilities, Gorsuck has to admit he thinks that the "Bah! Humbug!" version of Scrooge was a bleeding heart liberal.
- When Donald Trump is making his outrageous statements, he must be monitored by a lie detector. This is NOT to prove he's lying. It's to prove he is so delusional that he actually believes those bizarre claims - and, therefore, must be removed from the presidency for psychiatric reasons.
- Jeff Sessions should be required to take a remedial social studies class which includes a test asking, "Is the Russian Ambassador an official of the Russian government?" When he flunks the test, he will be removed from his post.
- Once a day, the FBI and CIA will intercept the White House's cable TV signals and in its place send their daily presidential intelligence briefing to Trump's TV, so he has a news source other than Fox.
- Obama must admit he had Trump's NYC home wiretapped prior to the election. He should further admit that the surveillance included Trump's internet service, and as a result, Obama has a copy of the pee tape (which was emailed to Trump to prove that Putin really had the tape.) Finally, Obama must admit that the pee tape shows the disappointing size of Trump's penis.
- Donald Trump is not allowed to take credit for the fact that 200 years ago, Washington Dc literally WAS a swamp and WAS drained.
- Since Donald Trump has refused to sell his company in order to reduce conflicts of interest, there is only one option. We have to spread the word, "Trump is such a lousy businessman, he wasn't able to sell his loser company."
- Now that the Baltimore mayor who campaigned for a higher minimum wage has vetoed a bill to raise the minimum wage, the position of Baltimore mayor will be paid at exactly minimum wage.
- When Donald Trump is put on trial for treason (acting on behalf of Russia), and five jurors say he's guilty and seven say he's innocent, the Electoral College will make the final decision that he is guilty.