… because when the choice comes down to pulling the emergency brake on your one-man crazy train and doubling down on your lunacy, well, lunatics gonna lunatic. Natch.
Mark Taylor (aka the firefighter prophet) got one prophecy right two years ago, and since it was really unlikely (i.e., Donald Trump was elected president despite having the morals and wit of a baboon’s billowy arsehole) people now intently listen to him.
In fact, he wrote a book called The Trump Prophecies, which recounts how God supposedly told him that Donald Trump would be president one day. That’s basically it. A guy said that something really unlikely would happen ... and then it happened.
You know, the other day I was sure we didn’t have any olives in the refrigerator. Then I looked, and to my astonishment, we had olives. And I do all the grocery shopping in our house! How could I not know we had olives? That’s basically the same miracle as the Trump thing, except I figured it would be really stupid to try to write a book about it.
Anyway, now that Taylor and thousands of his fans are convinced he’s a bona fide prophet, nothing is going to harsh that buzz — not even clear and incontrovertible facts.
From Right Wing Watch:
Taylor spent the weeks leading up to the midterm elections boldly proclaiming that Republicans were going to wipe out Democrats as a “red tsunami” swept across the nation:
“Go back to 2016 to the presidential election – all the fake news, the pundits, the polls were all wrong as we found out,” Taylor said. “It was just the exact opposite of what they were saying. So the same thing’s going to happen here.”
“There will be no ‘Blue Wave.’ A lot of people are talking about a ‘Red Wave,’ but it’s actually going to be a ‘Red Tsunami’ is what the Lord is showing me,” he continued.
Well, needless to say that didn’t happen. But Taylor is nevertheless convinced that it did.
Though the actual results did not match what he had prophesied, Taylor is nonetheless standing by his prophecy.
“What does it take to create a tsunami?” he asked. “It takes an earthquake. This is what God is saying: ‘The election is not over, this red tsunami has got to be started by an earthquake.’ We had the red wave; the earthquake was [Jeff] Sessions stepping aside. The delay is over. They are going after these people hard.”
Taylor has been promising for years that President Trump would soon unleash a wave of arrests that will take down a massive global pedophile ring and will result in the likes of Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama being executed by military tribunals.
These looming arrests, Taylor is now claiming, are the “tsunami” that he prophesied.
Okay, then.
To be fair, he kind of has to say something, especially since there’s a movie out based on his book (produced by Trump toady Jerry Falwell Jr.’s Liberty University), and how would it look if he was revealed as just another asshole who was sure Trump would win and somehow got it right?
Seriously, I could walk two blocks to the nearest tavern and find eight guys just like that.
Oh, but they’re not prophets, you say.
Indeed.
“I am not going to back off this red tsunami thing because I know what God told me,” Taylor said, defensively. “I know the tsunami is coming. This is all part of it. So I am not going to apologize for something that God did. People want to sit there and they want to criticize, it’s like, you don’t understand what you’re talking about because you are not seeing the big picture right now. Any prophetic person will tell you that they live way out there on the edge and they’re constantly seeing the full picture and they’re over here trying to tell the people, ‘Hey, come over here, I need you to see this.’”
Sure. Sounds legit.
***
Yo! Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is now available at Amazon! Buy there (or at one of the other fine online retailers carrying it), or be square.
****
But wait, there’s more! The Fierce, Fabulous (and Mostly Fictional) Adventures of Mike Ponce, America’s First Gay Vice President is also available at Amazon! You can get two great political humor ebooks for less than the price of the coffee you’ll be spitting out on your tablet when you read them!