The Western Chorus peeper frogs have migrated back to their birth ponds for another mating season in Northwest Oregon. Every dusk for three weeks, about a dozen male frogs assemble along the edges of the ponds in my backyard, croaking loudly, or “advertising.”
Perhaps a half dozen female frogs join with them intermittently, treading water and picking a mate based on the quality of the trill in the males’ “ribbet”-sounding calls.
The chemistry’s good, and the frogs are in a devil-may-care mood, so the miracle of creation continues for another season. Frogs have celebrated Spring this way for the last 190 million years.
Over the last two weeks I’ve spotted about 15 egg sacs attached to the underwater plants, or roughly one egg sac produced per day. The sacs contain about 25-40 eggs apiece, or about 600 eggs total, that will hatch into tadpoles in a month or so.
The water temperature in my back yard pond had never exceeded 42 F (5.5 C) during the first week since mating began. Nonetheless, several egg sacs have appeared, which meant my hardy Pacific Northwest frogs were mating in 40 degree water.
In contrast, studies of soft living chardonnay sipping southern Californian frogs show they won’t mate in water cooler than 50 F (10 C)
Idaho frogs are even tougher, mating right down to 35. 6 F (2 C) water temperatures.
I’ve heard my Oregon frogs croaking at 36 degrees air temperature. As the cold evenings repeat, however, the frogs’ intensity quiets, until there are just two or three males calling back and forth, and few if any females are lending a tympanic membrane (ear). Yet I still see new egg sacs, even after a cold evening.
However a cold-weather start also helps the frogs get a two-week jump on their predators. Bullfrogs and snakes are still a little sluggish in 35 degree water. Unfortunately the frogs won’t find much of their favored prey in the cold; flying bugs. I see rice-sized amphipods (yard shrimp) darting back and forth in the pond water. I wonder if they’re edible to hungry frogs when flying bugs are not around.
It’s rained hard for the last week. I’ve tried to catch up on my record keeping for the Frog Mitigation Area, to prepare for my Frog Court Trial.
It’s official now. I got the Summons to Appear. It came with a handout on colored paper, titled, “So you’re going to Frog Court. Frequently Asked Questions.” I began reading.
Q: How was Frog Court established?
A: Following an unfortunate incident in the Reagan Administration involving Secretary of the Interior James Watt, prescription drugs, and Executive Orders that Watt insisted were meant “as a joke,” the Government settled several civil suits by establishing the Frog Environmental Regulatory Commission (FERC). FERC oversees frog protection efforts. The Frog Court oversees appeals of FERC decisions.
Q: Where are the Frog Court Houses?
A: Nancy Reagan’s astrologer was the original interim Executive Director of FERC, and he chose courthouses based on their proximity to Energy Vortexes. Our records indicate that the “Old Mystery Spot” house on an unmarked County road is the Energy Vortex for your zip code. Please consult the internet to insure this data is current for your nearest Vortex.
Q: What’s the purpose of Frog Court?
A: The Frog Court is supposed to defend frogs, by giving voice to all the creatures of the earth, water, and sky that are unable to speak for themselves. Originally this meant that human representatives could represent the interests of all natural beings, mainly frogs. But perhaps because of the siting of the Courthouses on Energy Vortexes, on occasion the animals began attending hearings and speaking for themselves.
Q: Who are the Judges in Frog Court?
A: Originally a single native frog was the judge. After an unfortunate attack on a judge, the Senate approved new rules that allowed for a three-member panel of two frog judges and one judge who was a liberal Republican. Due to the extinction of liberal Republicans, the current appointee in that seat is a conservative Democrat, a species that is being reintroduced into the Northeast. The Senate, on a partisan vote, has also approved two Bullfrogs for the frog judgeships.
Q: How does Frog Court begin?
A: All beings wishing to testify must swear allegiance to Heket, Egyptian Goddess of Fertility and Frogs. Then comes the “Quickening,” during which the two ordinary bullfrog judges are elevated to human-size and endowed with human voices, in a hallucinatory moment that some find disconcerting. Please refrain from screaming and running from the court room during the Quickening.
Q: How should I prepare for Frog Court?
A: Ten milligrams of Valium.
I put the FAQ sheet down and went to see my lawyer, Don Juan Matus. I was a little early and looked at his framed diploma mounted on his reception room vanity wall. He was on the law review at the Carlos Castaneda Law School. Next to it was two Certificates of Completion of continuing legal education hours; for a moot court on “Courtroom Decorum,” led by William Kunstler, and a seminar on “Quietly Negotiated Settlements,” taught by Gerry Spence.
Matus opened his inner office door and beckoned me in. I entered and sat down. He smirked at me.
“So have you ever been to Frog Court before?” He asked.
“Well yes, I had an attorney then, but he was a snake.” I responded.
“Wow, let’s not get personal,” he said.
“No, he was a snake. A real snake. A giant garter snake, and he was kind of stinky.”
Matus laughed.
“Wait, I read about this case. Your snake attorney attacked the frog judge, right?”
“That was the original case,” I said. “But I don’t know why I’m still currently in Frog Court at all. It sounds like a bunch of complainers are rehashing non-issues that were settled long ago. My wetlands credits application was supposed to be a mere formality!”
The attorney held up his hand to quiet me, and answered the phone.
“Yes, yes, I see,” he nodded, “He’s right here, I’ll tell him.”
Matus turned to me.
“The Garden Police have just raided your back yard. They say they’ve found several dead and distressed plants and areas of invasive weeds. They’re indicting you for Failure to Garden, 1st Degree.”
TO BE CONTINUED
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