Day three of my typical work week.
Tonight we had a special passenger, Maia the snow leopard. Maia and her two handlers were on their way to the Woodland Park Zoo in Seattle. They’d be riding with us from LA to Oakland. Yes, even Leopards have to make connecting flights.
I’ve hauled race horses before but never a Leopard. Not the strangest thing the company has hauled. I’ve heard of us hauling pandas, gorillas, hippos and even Shamu.
I tell the Captain “Remember, I don’t have to outrun the Leopard, I just have to outrun you.”
In all honesty, I never actually saw a Leopard. I saw a mostly enclosed metal cage strapped to a pallet. I tried looking through the holes but it was too dark in there to see anything. The two handlers assured me she was in there and I have no reason to doubt. Nobody is going to pay for a full cargo pallet on one of our 767’s unless it’s something pretty valuable.
A 767 freighter is slightly different than a passenger model. We bought the same configuration as our main competitor because it was already certified. It’s not exactly what I’d like, but it costs a fortune to certify an aircraft so I understand why they did it. Plus I’m not the one writing the check.
One thing I don’t like is that the bathroom is in the cockpit. Fortunately they keep the lavs clean because I’d rather not fly something that smells like a porta-potty.
The jump seats are also in the cockpit. Which means that the jump seat passengers are in the cockpit. After 9/11 we’re obviously pretty careful about who we let in the cockpit. The animal handlers are all background checked for that reason.
Since I’m the closest thing to a flight attendant on this jet I show the two cat wranglers how to work the oxygen masks, how to access the cargo compartment and how to work the lights back there.
I actually pull the mask out of the case and demonstrate how to put it on because it’s not like the “dixie cup” mask on a passenger jet. I describe it as working like the “face hugger” from the movie Alien.
I give them a detailed briefing on how to egress the jet if we have to. We don’t have escape slides on the 767. Back by the entry door, there are six handles. You grab one of those handles and jump. An inertia reel is supposed to slowly lower you to the ground. Yeah, I thought the same thing.
The only other way out is out the cockpit window and down a rope. Note that the cockpit is easily two stories up. Hopefully I never have to egress this thing because the chance of busting my ass is pretty high. I carry an old set of cycling gloves in my backpack in case I ever have to go down that rope.
I ask what temperature kitty likes and they tell me to keep it cold back there. Makes sense. It is a Snow Leopard after all. They also want it dark back there so she’ll hopefully go to sleep. That makes sense too. My cat spends most of her time sleeping. Of course she’s 20 years old, which is off the chart for a cat. Roughly 100 years old in human years.
It’s a pretty uneventful flight up to Oakland. The weather is good and the ride is pretty smooth. I’m glad we’re not going through turbulence like last night. I don’t think kitty would enjoy it very much.
After we level off the two handlers go back and check on our precious cargo. Kitty must be doing OK because they come right back to the cockpit.
It’s the Captain’s leg and I tease him “Don’t wake the kitty” just before landing.
He greases it on. It’s good. Really good. As good as my best. I give a couple “I’m not worthy!” bows from across the cockpit.
Park. Bag drag. Van. Hotel. Nap. Coffee. Van. Bag drag. More coffee. You know the drill by now.
Normal people don’t do this at 1:40 AM. That’s OK. I’ve worked a lot harder for a lot less pay.
They get us loaded early, which is nice. The ramp workers are out there in all weather and it’s a tough job. They at least get full benefits, which is rare for a part-time job.
We’re pretty light on the trip back to LA. Acceleration on takeoff roll is pretty impressive. Your car will beat a 767 to 60. A fast car will easily beat us to 120. A really fast car might beat us to 150. The cool thing about a jet is, the faster it goes, the faster it goes faster.
At this weight we’re off the runway just past the 3,000 foot marker and around 125 knots. At 1000 feet I call for VNAV and Climb Power.
The GE engines on our 767 allow us to do a “de-rated” climb to save wear on the engines. The company has decided that it saves more fuel to use full climb power instead of the de-rated setting. Basically someone has determined that we’d rather pay for engines than fuel. It’s “above my pay grade” as we said in the military.
Light weight at full climb power this thing wants to go. I hold 20 degrees nose up and around 140 knots (maneuver speed at this flap setting) until we get turned around to the south. By this time we’re passing 10,000 feet and we’re abeam the airport. “The big six wants to run!” I exclaim.
I time it and we reach cruise altitude of 30,000 feet a mere 8 minutes after takeoff. It’s no fighter but that’s pretty impressive for a heavy.
SOCAL is nice to us this morning and we get Runway 07 Right, down on the south complex. It’s a very short taxi to our ramp from there. I call the ramp and we get “rock star parking” right in front of the building. I’d rather be lucky than good any day.
The van driver is there waiting, of course. He’s always there.
I’m at the hotel and in bed by 5:00 AM. That’s about as good as it gets for night flying.
To be continued…..