I have seen with my own eyes how victims of abuse are re-victimized at every step of the way in this court system; while abusers are rewarded every step of the way. It is the OPPOSITE of justice.
I am writing this today because victims of intimate partner abuse in this Commonwealth desperately need our help. They need resources to defend themselves and get their lives back on track.
I am fighting my own personal battle, but in doing so, I’m also fighting with everything I have for all victims. Join with me today.
Let’s acknowledge the hard reality of victim’s lives.
If a stranger off the street did what abusers do in their relationships to their intimate partner/victims, they’d be thrown in jail or have to pay punitive damages to their abuser. In the “domestic arena”, there are ZERO consequences. Police are reluctant to get involved. “No-fault” divorce is interpreted as “abuse does not matter.” Protection From Abuse Orders are handed out very reluctantly to victims, while an abuser can waltz right in and get one based on nothing but lies.
Victims are perceived as “too emotional” and “not believable” by judges because they either robotically shut down or shake and cry remembering what was done to them by someone they loved and trusted. They could even have complex PTSD, making their behavior seem “off” to the casual observer.
Meanwhile, abusers are calm and recite practiced lies. The lack of empathy that allowed them to abuse helps them testify smoothly in court. Some have big careers or high standing in the community. Judges fail to see through the mask they wear to cover their inner cruelty. Ding, ding — abuser wins.
Intimate partner abuse is worse than if a stranger off the street hurt you, because an intimate partner knows all of your deepest secrets and can turn them against you psychologically to inflict targeted damage that goes straight to your heart and can last a lifetime.
Partner abuse takes away your self-esteem. Abusers often degrade their victims with name-calling and constant criticism that shred’s their victim’s confidence. They gas-light and twist reality to the point victims do not know if they’re coming or going.
I read that almost 100% of domestic abusers also financially abuse their victims, so the victim is stripped of financial security, too. That means most victims can’t afford to fight back; they’re too stretched just putting food on the table. It is not uncommon for abusers to take steps to prevent their victim from working, by taking away their car keys or berating them about how they are neglecting their abuser’s needs and need to stay home to cook and clean. Then the victim loses their job or gets a pay cut, further hurting their future. Abusers are also the types most likely to stalk and harass once their partner tries to break free, piling yet more trauma upon their victims.
PFA judges needs to understand if someone is stalking you, it is reasonable for you to be in fear of bodily injury. They should never require that the person must physically injure you first, before you have any remedy. Stalking is a crime all on its own.
Affluent abusers have extra tools in their abuse tool box. They aggressively seek to re-abuse their victims by fostering “high conflict” custody and divorce cases. It’s more sophisticated than physical attacks, but the morally bankrupt, hired legal guns who do the bidding of abusers are just as lethal.
The courts in PA need to be reformed to understand victims and hold abusers accountable.
Abusers will not stop until our courts tell them to, by establishing clear and harsh consequences, including financial penalties in the form of higher, and longer duration, support and reimbursement of attorneys’ fees and lost income. Financial abuse needs to be rectified. It is also high time for punitive damages for victims of intimate partner abuse.
Victims need to be supported by all of us, so they can face a brighter future. They need help to get PFA Orders, so they can feel safe in the world again. The needy among them need free, dignified housing to live in while they recover. All need readily available, cost-minimal and convenient specialized therapy services to heal their wounded souls.
The children of victims need extra support services, too — just think of the horrors they have been exposed to.
Are you with me?
PLEASE pick an intimate partner abuse organization of any kind in PA — a shelter, a legal aid center, what ever, and send them some money, whatever you can spare. Go do it. NOW.
(thank you, that is my Giving Tuesday rant, I’ll go step off my soap box now and crawl back under my rock ...)