In this latest round of negativity, I bear a lot of responsibility. Culpability.
First, I will defend myself. Then I will invalidate that defense. Hopefully there will be a laugh along the way.
The Lead Up to Super Tuesday
I had to vote early because of Jury Duty on Super Tuesday. As a result, I had to pick someone early — and hadn’t decided yet.
For a long time I refused to state who was #1, but rather had a top five. I was against both Biden and Sanders entering the race entirely. Eventually it settled out, but then some of THEM settled out. This was the state of my ranking right after Bernie released his taxes (note, he moved INTO my top 5):
- Beto,
- Kamala,
- Liz,
- Kirsten,
- Bernie (just moved up),
- Pete (hanging around),
- Joe,
- everybody else
I liked Amy but thought she had zero chance… Put her in at 4-ish.
Around then, Bernie publicly griped about 2016 and Hillary again followed by someone getting doxxed, and that was his last appearance in my top 5. My feelings for Bernie further declined due to him calling Liz a liar on national tv. I mean, it wouldn’t stop me from voting for him in the GE. (Nothing would, although in another diary someone said that a Sanders/Gabbard ticket would be ugly. I agree.)
Fast forward up to the SC debate. My #1 and #2 candidates are out, some delegates have been awarded, Amy officially came into my list and left it again due to Pete pushing her buttons (not a good look):
- Liz
- (Amy had been here)
- Pete
- Joe
- Tom
- Bernie
- (big gap, thank you Liz Warren for making this happen)
- Bloomberg
- (bigger gap — h/t RedDan)
- Gabbard
Pete was doing well, Liz wasn’t although my heart was with her and she eviscerated Bloomberg (wøøt!), we’d just seen some debates and Amy (whom I also liked) did not put in a good showing. Next morning Clyburn endorsed and that was the day I was going to vote early, so I voted for Biden.
Then South Carolina happened, followed by Super Tuesday. By any measure, this was a blowout. Biden even won Texas, and California was close. Looks like Bloomberg’s raison d’etre was to prevent Bernie from amassing a delegate lead in TX and CA. It worked. And he won American Samoa. (insert eyeroll)
Going Negative
So what happened? Biden was never that high on my list.
What happened was that on WEDNESDAY, the day after Super Tuesday, Bernie started running negative ads on Biden.
I’m still upset about the continuous negative campaigning that Bernie did against Hillary in 2016 — well after it was clearly over. I’ve been upset about his stance on guns for a long time, some other partisans from 2016 jumped in with the negative crap so — I mean the path to take was clear — so I also went negative myself.
I took my biggest shot in a diary (in response to a few *yawn* comments), a diary that took two days to write and in the process I found out stuff that made my stomach turn, about Sandy Hook, about the Brady Bill, about Amber Alerts (where the Republican in the 2006 Senate race took him to task, oy!), and beyond.
I did not want a repeat of 2016 — this had to end. No, I don’t *HATE* Bernie, but I was pretty disgusted and still can’t completely get away from the feeling that his summer of attacks on Hillary and the B.S. at the convention contributed to her loss. (Intellectually I know it was Comey — the timing and the polls make it obvious. But emotionally...)
And then I channeled my inner partisan by upvoting attacks on him. (Not on people here!) I had walked away in 2016 for awhile from abuse at the hands of a number of Bernie people back when I hadn’t even decided who to vote for and was determined to not get pushed out this time. (Haven’t looked at the Wreck List in years.)
My trigger was on March 4th, the day Bernie started going negative. Today is day 6.
So that’s the defense. Pretty dumb, isn’t it?
Why Stop Now?
About two days ago I found I couldn’t do it anymore. I mean, I *CAN* do it, just I don’t like doing it or myself being that person. It’s still difficult to not reflexively upvote a potshot, particularly when I’ve done the research and it’s sorta-kinda factual. And the “dementia” B.S. is particularly annoying. (And Bernie’s and Joe’s health are just fine, thank you.)
Some people that I respect have taken a better approach. And introspection is an ugly thing.
I am sorry. I should not have done this. It won’t make me like Bernie anymore than I do now, but that isn’t important. I will vote blue no matter who and even decided that last year.
Crow
When I was but a lad, I was dating a preacher’s kid. (Those of you who have lived in the South can probably see the trainwreck coming.) My ‘grandfather’ Fred (evil step mother’s father) was also a preacher, so this seemed somewhat normal at the time.
I’d been invited over to her family’s house for dinner and her mother made okra about five different ways along with the main course. Remember Forrest Gump and shrimp? Yes, like that. I *hate* okra. (I don’t hate Bernie Sanders — I *DO* hate okra.) Had to try them all and smile and clear my plate.
Fred later laughed at me and told me that I “ate crow.”
Here we are.
I’m sorry. And worse, I think I made it okay for other people to do it, too.