Of all sexual minorities, probably the most undercounted is the one I belong to: heteroromantic asexuals. That for the obvious reason that heteroromantic asexuals usually identify as heterosexual since, in common parlance, that describes the gender one is attracted to. The difference may seem minor and compared to the greater problems of the world, it is. Certainly, whatever difficulties the misunderstandings create would be gladly traded for by the average Yemeni. It does though create problems. The world is seemingly increasingly obsessed with pornography and one cannot live five minutes without hearing something sexual. Among the assumptions made by the culture about sexuality is that all men (sometimes even all people) have perverted and disgusting fantasies and desires. A significant portion of that is a stupid cognitive bias because cynicism sounds more intelligent and insightful and I highly doubt it’s true by most definitions of the very subjective adjectives used.
Still, it is true that most people’s fantasies are objectifying and mostly visceral even if they’re more likely set in scenes of Spongebob Squarepants than in E.L. James novels. Somewhat surprisingly, society will judge people more harshly for the former of those two. Being a heteroromantic asexual I have to contend with a world that expects intimate relations to be more physical than emotional and more animal than human. My tastes in romance are more epicurean, gentle, affectionate, and deep. Not that I’ve ever used them, I’m Asperger’s and have come nowhere close to having a first kiss and I’m well into my 20s and I don’t expect to in the near future. Yet, even as a person whose relations are, at most, platonic the saturation of the culture with sexuality does affect my relationships.
I prefer coed friendships but there is always tension and anxiety whenever I try to make a platonic friend of the other gender since they are likely to imagine my intentions are ulterior and utilitarian and even sometimes despite my best efforts to remove those fears, I fail. As a heteroromantic asexual male, I’m as attracted to women as a typical heterosexual in the simplest meaning of how much I think girls are pretty. Yet, when I am attracted to women, I don’t feel a chemical desire to pursue them and on the occasions I have pursued women, it has been with fully platonic intentions. I haven’t asked a girl out on a date since middle-school and I’m probably never going to. When other guys do ask girls out, the girl often thinks it’s creepy if they don’t like them, and I feel very hurt being hated or labelled with any term like that so it’s just not worth it. Guys who are true heterosexuals are addicted to the dopamine enough that it outweighs the risk of being labeled and hated.
Therein is another bane of the heteroromantic asexual. Because most people’s aim in asking someone out is the release of dopamine, it is difficult to convey the more innocent intentions of wishing to release serotonin. The primary chemical difference between a heteroromantic asexual and a heterosexual is what neurochemical they want to trigger with heterosexuals wanting dopamine and heteroromantics wanting serotonin. MDMA and LSD which use serotonin are much less addictive than cocaine or crack which use dopamine and thus those who want dopamine are more forceful and shamelessly utilitarian than those who want serotonin. The girls often rightfully label the heterosexuals creepy because the heterosexuals are seeking a means to release dopamine which is effectively cocaine addicts pursuing them for a hit.
What needs to occur is for the subdivisions of straight and gay, specifically heteroromantic and homoromantic, to be acknowledged by the wider culture. It would make a lot of people’s lives easier removing the inaccurate categorical assumptions of people. It would also allow people who are romantic asexuals to find each other and possibly be more successful in having successful relationships. Right now, it is a minority with almost zero public perception but it is probably much larger than people think since most romantic asexuals identify as heterosexual or homosexual based on who they’re attracted to. Hopefully, there will be media that includes us and is targeted to us. There aren’t any romantic pieces targeted specifically to our demographic and it would be good if there were. I do hope that we gain recognition. My guess is the principal opposition to romantic asexuality would be the masculine alt-right who would deride our gentle, affectionate, serotonin-based desires to be weak and effeminate and would call me a beta-male cuck. Well, bring it Nazis!