Yesterday, my wife of 18+ years died suddenly.
She apparently suffered cardiac arrest while sleeping and I was in the front room. We had been together for nearly 20 years, had three children together (all of them on the Spectrum), and had weathered so many storms it sometimes seemed like our lives were a damned soap opera.
And now, in the blink of an eye, she’s gone and I’m left alone to finish raising our (often challenging) son and two daughters alone. Worse, I can never know if her death was preventable or not.
I’m blessed with having a loving family and a strong support system, yet I’m realizing there are things that I’m uncertain of and details of many things that she was working on that would affect my family’s finances and security (among them our son possibly receiving SSDI, and some legal cases to which she was a party). She was also a well-regarded author on the WIT app, and has a number of Facebook groups which she contributed and helped in, yet I have no way of reaching either as I don’t know exactly where her footprint is seen.
I don’t know her passwords or any of her PINs, nor do I know any of her contacts or points of contact for her legal cases. I never thought to ask about any of these things because it was literally unthinkable she would pass on so suddenly.
And now the unthinkable has happened, and I’m left to try to pick up the pieces of these things and ensure the security of my family.
I’m writing this to our Community not for sympathy or assistance, but because I have a single message for everyone reading this:
Talk with your partner, leave nothing unsaid, and if they be worthy trust and share everything you have...because tomorrow they may be gone, and you may be alone and not know important, potentially life-saving information.
Whoever you are with, be their partner in all things, and never take them or their presence for granted. Life can end in a literal heart-beat, yours or theirs, and there’s no more terrifying feeling that you were ignorant of something small but vital.
Talk, share, and above all LOVE your partners enough to make this effort. Otherwise...why are you with them in the first place?
******
I ask comments be focus on the point of this diary and not my personal loss. While I appreciate any expression of sympathy, please respect the purpose of this diary, and take its advice as you will.
Sunday, Jul 25, 2021 · 2:18:24 PM +00:00 · merchantbard
UPDATE: I’m grateful for both the many “Recommends” this diary has received, and for the numerous comments and responses its received. Several have suggested actions I had not previously considered or even thought of, and I thank everyone who has chimed in.
Again, if you haven’t already started preparing for the possible loss of your partner/spouse/whatever, or their loss of you, start doing so today! At the very least, talk about it and leave instructions with a trusted party in the event the unthinkable happens.
My wife was 43 when she passed. And despite her suffering chronic-if-controlled pain from numerous work-related injuries (18 years as an FDNY EMS, Paramedic, and EMS Lieutenant will do that), she was in fairly good health and had many, many plans for us in the coming years.
Yet the end came without warning for her. Never doubt it can happen to you.
Please, don’t be complacent or arrogant enough to think it can’t.
Please don’t make the mistakes we did.
Peace and strength to everyone who reads this.