Winter has arrived, and that has many people SAD, including me, though I don’t usually start suffering until February — by then, I’m thoroughly sick of the white stuff and antsy to move on to the gardening season.
As to this blog’s title, by and large gardeners do have Dirty Minds, because our minds are often focused on what we want to grow, and the state of the dirt we have to grow it in. How much compost should we add? Is that southernmost garden patch in need of soil amending? Is bagged garden dirt good enough, or should we mix in a bag of the premium Bat Guano found online? (If we do, would this make us bat-s**t crazy?…)
So in the depths of Winter, when there’s nothing good on TV, and sometimes when Significant Others have retired for the evening, we Gardeners indulge ourselves with garden porn.
Furtively flipping through page after page of brilliant photos, salivating over the colors and foliage we imagine gracing our own gardens….or the hardcore images of freshly dug carrots or sweet potatoes, fine rootlings exposed, naked except for the bits of soil (that we know they were recently wallowing in) still clinging to their delicious skin…. er, um - yes, MOVING ON…
I’ve included some garden jokes (courtesy of humorpedia.com) to lift winter spirits, and links to a few humorous garden products if you come across a “must-have”.
When starting a landscaping business from the ground up (is there any other way?), your best bet is to create a hedge fund.
T-shirt: “Slow Mow” (one many of us can relate to!)
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever! Isn’t that news a pollen?
Funny-faced Veggie Herb Pots: choose from a carrot, a cucumber, a tomato, and a potato.
The next-door neighbor started dating a woman across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard. They’re head clover heels in love and mint to be.
T-shirt: “Without the farmer — you’d be — hungry, naked and sober.”
Pet tip: The easiest way to keep a dog from digging in your garden is to take away his shovel.
A mystery book set in 19th Century London, “The Body in the Garden”, by Katharine Schellman.
When Hubby and I were simply dating, for one Valentine’s Day, I received a bunch of flowers with the heads cut off. He was stalking me.
T-shirt: “Crappy Diem. I seized the wrong day.”
What’s a French baker’s favorite flower? Croissanthemum.
Gnome Doormat:
You can’t plant flowers if you haven’t botany. I wasn’t all that interested in planting seeds, but they grew on me. Sow there!
And for mahdalgal, who is going to Costa Rica, you may need this little extra translation help from Spanish to English:
Merry Christmas, everyone! You’ve only got 21 shopping days left. If you can, please support our artisan Kossacks, who create wonderful gifts to put under the Christmas tree!