So, what is the proper spacing between written sentences? Should it be one space or two spaces? Does it matter? Well . . .
This is a bit of a righteous rant, and I admit to being a combat belligerent in this debate, taking up the side of the two-spacers as it regards the spanning of sentences. I throw the gauntlet down on the field of discourse to those who insist on one space between sentences. Woe is you, lazy, cheap one-spacers who can’t see their way to chucking in an extra space between sentences, even if it is for the betterment of humanity and a sight for sore eyes.
Now, a bit of a backstory on this debate is needed, I believe. It will help in establishing how two spaces between sentences came about, and why those spaces are a benefit to society.
Early typewriters were big clunky machines, black in color, like your typical medieval torture device. Only the Iron Maiden produced more office-related injuries. The third most common office accident back then was typhoid-related. Not getting the disease, but back injuries from carrying the dead out of the office.
And, it wasn’t women who first used the machines. It was men. That’s because business offices of the day used secretaries comprised of only men. Women didn’t start working in offices as secretaries or typists really until the typewriter was introduced. That was when men realized it was actually easier to work the back forty of a farm, using a dull plow pulled by your four oldest children, than to pound on a typewriter all day. So, they left the hard work to women.
And those early typewriters really were absolute beasts to work with, the keys being very stiff and difficult to depress. It was very hard work. And with the QWERTY arrangement of keys that letter “a” was hell when typing up correspondence. That’s because the letter “a” is the second most common letter to be typed. The “e” is the most common letter typed, unless you are writing about Republicans. Then the two most common letters are “f” and “u.” Now, the letter “a” requires the use of your left little finger, which isn’t exactly the most robust of our fingers. There’s another finger that is much more robust due to its frequent use.
To depress the “a” key on those early typewriters you had to strike it with something hefty, like a steam locomotive. As for the rest of the keys, well, it was like pounding iron rivets into the plates of a ship. If the woman typists of the day had built the Titanic it would still be floating and doing dinner show cruises off of Boca Raton.
Look very closely at those old sepia tone photos of the time, you will see secretaries and typists with left-hand pinky fingers the size of a car axle. Now, back then shaking hands with a woman wasn’t a common practice, which was probably a good thing. Because doing so with a secretary of the time could have almost been considered inhumane – their grasp was akin to a spring-loaded animal trap designed for grizzly bears. “Good day, sir, perhaps the doctor can use leeches and kite string to re-attach your hand. And, perchance, could you direct me to a local stockyard? I need to strangle a steer for tonight’s supper.”
The paper was coarser back then, the process for making paper not as refined as today. Basically, they were 8”x10” oak planks that had been tenderized using the same chemical process for rendering animal fat, and the two processes were usually done together to save money. You’d have to push aside hoofs and the occasional grizzly molar embedded in the paper to get a clear runway for your typing, but things did improve.
Fun Fact: It’s interesting to note that Mike Nesmith, of The Monkee’s fame, has a link to typewriters. His mother invented Liquid Paper, which many of us know as “white out.” Republicans are deathly afraid of it. For the premier typists, who only made the occasional mistake, a deft touch could expertly hide the error. For many of us using typewriters back when they were popular, we would pool our money and order a special ocean tanker, The White Whale, to get the stuff and split the cost. We were known as the Captain Ahab Society. “Tharr shhe bulows ahed . . . oh, crap, order me another tanker.” By the way, Tom Sawyer didn’t slyly convince his friends to paint that fence to get out of a chore. He needed them to whitewash the spelling errors he made writing graffiti.
Now, for you one-spacers, understand that this isn’t the Daytona 500 where you have to draft your sentences on the ass of the sentence in front of you. Think of all the accidents that happen in stock car racing. The same thing can happen with writing. A mash up of sentences can lead to some fatal reading comprehension. “i did nut tink it wud mak a duffernce. butt I sea whad yew meen.” As we can see there, we not only needed two spaces, but also Monet to do a little touch up with a jet hose nozzle.
Lauren Boebert is a prime example, and victim, of one-space sentences. Well, actually we’re the victims, but I digress. It’s obvious she is reading stuff where the sentences are jammed together, kind of like a s’more of sentences. Wouldn’t it be nice if there were spaces between the sentences? At the least, we’d get a break from her incessant blathering for a few merciful moments. Heck, if she’d just give the same amount of space that’s in her head to the sentences on the paper she’s reading we could get years of relief before we hear from her again.
So, yes, you do want some space between you and the other guy, you tailgating Taliban of “Death to the Infidel Two Spacers.” I bet that’s how you drive on the road, your bumper being the back bench seat of the car in front of you and your headlights replacing their headrests. “Oh, that’s a nice feature; I have high beams in my dome light. Turn them on and I can feel like a POW escaping from Stalag 13. Hoooogan!” (oops, that last word needs a touch up, or does it?) If that’s the case, get a pick-up truck, a Confederate flag the size of an airport tarmac, and feel free to do a weekend camp out in the laps of some angry strangers. Yep, go ahead, roll some coal to obscure the understanding of what you have written.
Fun Fact: IBM, once the king of computers, had rolled out a wonderful typewriter, the IBM Selectric. It was a marvel and a favorite of many, including this writer. It was toward the end of their reign as a technological giant when they introduced it. From there they dropped from innovation maven to missing the mark on so many technological advances. So, they did what any self-respecting, hubris-hugging, know-it-all corporation does. They ditched their mainline business and went into consulting. “Let us show your company how we did it. By the time we’re done implementing our plan to rejuvenate your operation your company will disappear from the Fortune Five Million, your CEO will be pushed out to a pasture somewhere in the Artic, and thousands of your employees will widen their networking opportunities in the lines at food banks and acquire new skills to survive, like shoplifting.
By the way, the QWERTY key arrangement was a design element. It was devised so those keys didn’t all jam up at the top of their strokes, which was a reality for speedy typists or secretaries. To get a modern day idea of what it looks like see the video below of a store opening their doors on the Friday after Thanksgiving.
Here you go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DigiWS1YhxI
I deliberately didn’t hypelink it and left it to you to copy and paste the URL into the search. I did that so I could space you folks out and make sure you weren’t trying to jam through accessing the website all at once. You one-space cadets.
Now, here’s the thing, the reason for two spaces back then was to give the typists a rest from being the village blacksmith pounding out shit while sitting in an office. It was much easier to depress the space bar on a typewriter than using a pneumatic forge punch to type the key of a single letter, since the space bar was longer and larger. Essentially, the space bar was a form of the simple lever tool, originally used by Neanderthals to roll boulders and move woolly mammoths over to the Smokey Joe. So, while it was a practical thing, a moment’s rest for typists, it also had a wonderful side benefit. The two spaces gave the eye a rest in reading documents, allowing some white space between sentences. So, in essence, it allowed for clarity of comprehension. You starting to catch on, one-spacers?
Fun Fact: The actor Tom Hanks collects old typewriters, it’s a hobby he’s had since his teen years. If you were to pair a million Forrest Gump clones with a million typewriters, in a million years not one of them would out run Josh Hawley. Ok, I know I’m not giving the typewriters much of a chance against Josh, but I wish the Gump clones had a better showing. On the other hand, if you were to put a million Josh Hawley clones paired to a million typewriters, all the typewriter ribbons would be broken because the damn fool would think they were the tapes to finish lines. He’d probably do it in Mach 1. Not a personal best for him, but his fastest time was done with an insurrectionist tailwind nippy at his Nikes.
By the way, QWERTY is actually an acronym and a cry for help. It stands for:
Quit writing everything, really, thank you.
Signed,
The Typist
PS: please use two spaces between sentences. I need a friggin’ rest.
So, there you have it. The two-space tradition is actually meant to continue humanity’s march in lockstep with harmony by allowing us to safely communicate. The one-space fad is basically death sentences started by some bean counter working off of Excel who thinks he’s saving his corporation some money by being a miser with spaces. We’ve all seen what bean counters have done to our world; do you really want more of that? No, so Word rules, Excel sucks.
(Clicky, clack, clack, clicky, clicky, clack, clack, clack, clicky, clack, clicky, clicky, clack, clicky, clack, clack, clicky, clack, clicky, clicky, clicky, clack, clack, clicky.)
Ok, One Spacers, flag me for that! I march to the beat of a different typist and I won’t be stopped.
Now, go ahed and turow in yur two cents wiit your commints. And sumone ordar me anuther tanker of whitout. Arrrgggh.