An alternate title for this could be, "Dealing With My Ego".
Last week I shared a story here about a video I'd recently seen, and how it affected me. The video, showing the rescue of a young puppy in Ukraine, had a powerful effect on me. It seemed to crystallize every painful image and description I've seen so far of the brutal Russian invasion. With the result of seeming to uncork the overfull bottle of emotions inside me. That story got a lot of responses; certainly more than I expected. It seemed to resonate with a lot of people. Many of whom shared their own experiences, dealing with the painful responses that almost any human being might have to the war in Ukraine. (side note: I like reading the responses to my stories. I make an effort to read every single one, and to reply when it's appropriate. My thanks to those who take the time to comment and share their own thoughts.)
One of the things I like best about the Internet is the opportunity to talk to people all over the world, whom I'd never meet otherwise. I've met truly amazing folks; a few have become cherished friends. I also tend to talk more on the Internet than I do in real life; mainly because I can take my time considering what I want to say, and how best to say it. It can take me a couple days to write a story here; I check and double-check how I expressed myself. Is it clear? Understandable? Any run-on sentences? How's my punctuation? (I'd probably benefit from actual writing classes or workshops. Maybe someday.)
So. I wrote that story, and when I was satisfied with how I'd expressed myself, I set it up to be published. The responses to it touched me deeply; I could see that I definitely wasn't alone in my feelings. Better still, other people also had that reassurance. It felt good.
And then a different sort of comment showed up.
It's happened before that I've managed to upset people. Even really piss them off at times. Here on Kos, I generally make an effort to not do that; I don't start typing while thinking "how can I get on someone's nerves today?" On other platforms, like Disqus, I don't always try very hard to play nice. But then on Disqus I'm often talking to Russtrolls and Qnatics. And don't feel especially constrained to be terribly polite to them.
This comment, though...was honestly pretty stunning at first. Not just a little snippy, a little crabby. But full-on condescending, dismissive, insulting. Or so I believed. The person apparently took real offense to my concern for a frightened baby animal, and interpreted it as meaning that I perhaps didn't care about the humans suffering and dying in Ukraine. (Yikes!) It was nothing awful enough to warrant flagging. Unless speaking to another adult like they were a somewhat slow-witted child counts. (it doesn't)
I actually re-read my story, wondering if I'd missed something. Couldn't find anything I'd written that even implied that the little dog was all I cared about. I re-read the other comments; were there others who'd taken offense, and I just missed it? Again, no. I thought about it for a while before responding. I kept it as polite as I know how to do. They haven't replied. For all I know, they haven't even seen it.
And that's okay. There could be all sorts of things going on in that person's life that I will never know about; dozens, maybe hundreds, of possible reasons for why they said what they said to me. None of which actually have anything at all to do with me personally. And everything to do with them. It's also possible that I misinterpreted their words. That they didn't mean to sound insulting. This is a big downside to communicating with strangers on the Internet- so much of what makes real communication possible in real life is lost. A person's expression, tone of voice, gestures; the very many nuances that can make clearer what a person is really saying. It's one reason why sarcasm in particular can be so hard to recognize sometimes in online discussions. Then, too, once in a while you'll meet someone online who is deliberately misunderstanding you. I'm not saying that was the case here. But it does happen, as anyone who spends much time talking to RWNJs certainly knows.
At any rate, this was clearly a case of my ego getting bruised, and it of course reacting predictably. One of the reasons I find animals so much easier to relate to is the simple fact that ego has no place in it. Not mine, and not theirs. Assuming that animals are even burdened with a thing like ego. (I doubt that they are) Knowing that I am however so burdened, I try to notice when it happens. And take a step back. That's harder than it sounds. My ego would love to convince me that a snarky comment is a threat to my very existence.
One thing is certain- allowing myself to get really upset about a comment someone else made is generally unhelpful. Disagreements will always happen; not everyone is going to like me or the things I say. It's also good to remember that I in turn don't like everyone, or all the things they say. It goes both ways. Making sincere apologies when they're clearly warranted is important. On the other hand, assigning some disagreements more significance than they actually merit is unhealthy. I have found that allowing people to be who they are, while not permitting abuse from them, is just a better way to deal. My ego may feel diminished at times, but I myself am not. It took me rather a long time to learn this; the lesson was brought home to me again by this small incident. In truth, that is something to be thankful for.
That little bird I'm holding in the photo above rested in my hands for several minutes. I held him loosely so he could fly away whenever he wanted. I was content to wait. And eventually I was content to see him sail off into the trees. I was able to help him; he was willing to accept it. Our entire interaction lasted maybe fifteen minutes. And yes, it felt good.
Thank you for reading. This is an open thread. All topics are welcome.